I am going to share something that changed my life! Ladies, I am looking at you! How many of you have negative feelings towards your own body? How many of you don't like the way you look or feel uncomfortable in your own skin?

Can we talk about that for a second? That is heartbreaking! Do you know that the majority of women on this earth have body image issues? Most of us question our pieces, our parts, our thingies and our mabobbies (as in thingy-mabobby)... How can this be? What has our culture done to our beautiful, amazing, incredible women?

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To all my fellas:

I want to start off by saying that I know men have their own issues concerning their bodies as well, and I am in no way discounting those feelings. I feel for you my brothers, fathers, friends, uncles, nephews, sons, I hear your pain and suffering as well but in as much as I can, I am going to pull from my own experience in this article and that will primarily be focused on women though it might serve as a good guide to get a better insight into what actually goes on in our minds!

To all my ladies:

You don't have to tell me or tell anyone here if you don't want to but try to be honest with yourself... have you ever caught yourself thinking or saying these things (or similar) to yourself?

• I wish I were skinnier/more muscular/heavier/curvier (composition related ideals...)
• I wish I were taller/shorter/wider/slimmer (measurement related ideals...)
• I wish I weighed more, I wish I weighed less (weight related ideals...)
• I wish I were darker/I wish I were lighter/I wish I were tan/I wish I were fair/I wish I were chocolate/I wish I were vanilla (colour related ideals)
• I wish I had dark hair/I wish I had blonde hair/I wish I had red hair/I wish I had pink hair/I wish I had curly hair/I wish I had straight hair/I wish I had long hair/I wish I had short hair...
• I wish I had green eyes/blue eyes/brown eyes... any color that I don't have...
  ... the list goes on, am I right?

Now what about these?

• I wish I had bigger/smaller/more voluptuous/tighter (insert body part here...)
• I wish I had clear skin/I wish I had freckles/I wish I had smooth skin/I wish my skin was more defined/charactered...
• I wish I looked sexier/I wish I looked more innocent...
• I wish I looked younger/I wish I looked older...

The hardest part...

• I wish I looked like...
  The comparison.
  We cannot compete with photoshop or the pictures shown to us in our media. They are false, unrealistic expectations of beauty that cannot be achieved without a whole team of experts working on you for hours!

I used to dabble in modeling when I worked for a large event company. Here's an inside look:

3 (+) hours of getting ready

• Shower/hair treatment/body hair removal/smell like a damn angel!
• Body scrub/moisturizer routine
• Hair creams/serums
• Blow dry
• Flat iron/curling iron (sometimes both)
• Hold treatment (tons of sprays!)

Face/Makeup:

• Facial scrub
• Specialized pore minimizing lotion
• Primer
• Foundation
• Matte powder
• Bronzer
• Highlighter
• Blush
• Eyeliner
• Eyebrow fill in
• Eye shadow primer
• Eye shadow (multi-dimensional shades)
• Mascara (extra layers)
• Lip liner
• Lip stick
• Lip gloss
• Makeup 'setter' (to seal it all in!)
• Occasional glitter when necessary

Not done yet!

• Multiple different outfits, changing over and over with nothing looking right, finally settling because I literally had to leave, sometimes crying on my way because I felt like I didn't make the right choice or didn't feel sexy enough!

Example?

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In this picture:

• My hair is bleached (which costs a fortune to have it done right, not streaky by the way!)
• I am wearing hair extensions to make my hair look longer...
• My makeup took over an hour to do...
• My teeth are bleached white...
• My skin is golden from the tanning bed and magical chemical sparkles that make it darker...
• Push up bra...
• Fancy, lacey, expensive lingerie...
• I am at a fancy event...
• I still don't feel confident (despite attention and compliments)!

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But Barbie isn't real...

I used to build myself into as much of a "Barbie" as I could under strict orders from my scrutinous and judgmental bosses and sure, I was cocky from the attention but cocky is not the same as confident!

Even if I finally got myself where I thought hey, I look good... something would squash that thought faster than it came up... someone would be wearing a sexier dress, have longer hair, darker skin, more curves... I was constantly comparing myself and feeling like I wasn't enough!

One day I spent more money than I ended up making that night (ok, that happened A LOT!) on my hair, makeup, outfit, cab etc and actually felt super good about myself. I had started getting ready at NOON that day with my shift at 10pm... slowly taking my time from appointment to appointment and in the end felt like I looked AMAZING.

When I got to work, my boss looked at me up and down and said (I quote)

"What the hell are you wearing?" And began laughing hysterically at me.

I tried to defend myself, coyly trying to change his mind...

"I'm sexy Alice in Wonderland... This costume was super expensive."

He demanded that I go home and change. After all those hours getting ready, he laughed me out of the office. Luckily, it was too busy for me to just leave so I stayed in my outfit as it was but had to fix my makeup from all the tears I ended up crying in the bathroom and I ended up with a nasty hangover from trying to numb the embarrassment.

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So, how did I get from the bleach blond fake "Barbie" doll being hired as 'eye candy" go to being my own boss, living naturally, no hair dyes, clean/fresh skin, reviving my inner confidence?

There were many things I did and I can absolutely go into them more if you're interested but for now, I want to share with you my number ONE way that has changed my opinion about myself.

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My secret? BE NAKED!

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You read that right! Strip away all the layers of protection and get acquainted with the rawness! Being naked caused everything else to melt around me. At first I was nervous, feeling shy and strange like I needed my clothes to feel safe. But why?

• Why was I so ashamed of myself?
• Why did I find so many flaws?
• Why did I want to change everything?
• Why did I judge myself so negatively?
• Why didn't I love myself?
• What would make me happy?

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I have tried many things to my body to make me happy and NOTHING has ever worked (until this!)

Being naked with myself, forcing myself to get used to my body, my skin, my curves (or lack thereof) ;), my twists and turns and spots and smoothness, learning everything and feeling like I was entering into a whole new relationship with this entity I had been dragging around for my whole life!

I understand that not everyone who reads this is going to be able to go into full nude immersion like I did for a week but if you're interested in the effects or benefits, I urge you to give it a try! I really found a new appreciation and understanding of myself. I wish I never had to wear clothes and it's not like I am a crazy hippy lady who wants to go live in a nudest commune or anything so everyone just relax your damn horses... I am not saying that's what you need to do! BUT learning to see yourself so often, exposing yourself to yourself opens up this door, this window to a new perspective and for me at least, it was profound.

Public (Uncomfortable? Unaccepted?):

Society isn't going to let us all be naked... that is FOR SURE and that is A-OK with me! A couple of years ago, I visited this permaculture/spiritual healing project in Central America and when I got there, everyone was naked. I was mortified and shot right up into an uncomfortable shell where I rejected everyone and despite it being an incredible project, forced myself to leave within an hour of getting there for the fear and shame I had of my own body, refusing to bare myself to those around... however, although my personal views differ than the community outlook,
I now can admire their freedom, openness and respect of their bodies because now I am able to see what I once judged so powerfully, with new, understanding eyes. For someone who says she doesn't like being judged, I was sure doing a lot of judging myself!

Private:

While I am still a private person (when it comes to my naked body- as in I won't be posting any nudies so no more of those requests on DC yes it happened!) and am not in any way about to go running naked down the street, I find it freeing and exhilarating to be naked in my own home, writing my stories, thinking of recipes, working out on my yoga deck, playing in the garden... it's a wonderful paradise of no worry, fear or cares. The love is blossoming as I see my body through loving eyes, removing judgment.

I have had gorgeous humans compliment my body... I am talking about celebrities that I used to work with, trying to touch me, wanting to be with me and that didn't do anything for my self esteem... but this did because confidence and love for our bodies doesn't come from the outside world or anybody else... it comes from ourselves, from within.

You should go and love yourself!

There are many problems we face in our world and body image and beauty expectations/ideals are a huge negative force on the whole population. I could give you stats and quotes but I know you know and that's not going to change anything so, what I can do is tell you that loving yourself is a path, a journey and it is an adventure to get there but when you finally get to the finish line, it's the most rewarding experience imaginable and there is only ever up to go as we constantly strive to love ourselves more and in loving ourselves more, we can not only love more, but others will love us more as well!

I leave you with a quote I got on a piece of paper wrapped around my napkin at my favorite restaurant:

"Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have."

So go, on, love yourself. Give it a try. Let's stop wishing our lives away trying to be something else! Join me and let's help bring each other up above the media's grasp!

Sending you love today and everyday. I want you to know that I am not perfect in my thoughts yet, but this is the best I have felt in ... I can't remember and I am so happy to be able to share this and hopefully inspire you in the same way!

XO,