Almost James Bond

Patron Profiles: Mission Improbable

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We do a lot of printing for our local community. As it is tax season, the printing load has increased. Now, in the name of patron confidentiality, we make it a policy to not look at our patron's printouts. I personally don't care to see what's being printed out at any given time, but an incident with a certain man that I refer to as Almost James Bond broke a five year no peek at the prints streak.

There is this slight, well-dressed man that has recently been gracing our library with his presence. I don't know what it is about this guy, but from the very beginning just being around him has caused the hairs on the back of my neck to take flight. Not that the creature has ever done anything inappropriate, but his behavior started off eccentric with claims of lost books, payments, refunds, etc.

Things took a turn for the enigmatic and odd when he asked me to preview his prints for him one afternoon. All of the prints are sent from our patron computers through a software program on our main circ computer. This spares us from having to deal with print and dash issues and the program is also really helpful to the patrons as it lets them know exactly what they are printing and how much they will be charged for their prints. On our software we have the option to preview the print jobs, and when Almost James Bond asked me to preview his prints, I obliged.

I found myself staring at an application for a CIA agent.

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Hmm...The first thought that I entertained was: would a potential CIA agent use the public library to apply for that position? Me thinks not. I looked up to see Almost James Bond staring at me in the most unsettling way, and not wanting to appear off guard cheerfully chirped out:

"It looks like you have three pages to print. Does this look correct?"

I felt my neck muscles clench slightly as Almost James Bond leaned over my shoulder to look at the print preview. My hand impulsively clutched my pen tighter and I quickly peeked at my utensils cup to see if the scissors were still in it.

"Everything looks in order." he replied in his dry, lifeless tone.

"That's nice!" I replied and hopped out of my chair to fetch the prints.

Almost James Bond smiled his empty smile and paid me the thirty cents that he owed. We stared at each other for a millisecond, and I honestly felt in that moment that I stepped into some sort of game. My initial thought impulse is this guy is a big bull fecal artist that likes to try to impress people in the most odd of ways. I just shrugged it off, albeit I did discuss the weirdness with my manager, and continued with my day.

I refrained from executing a Mission Impossible roll as I shelved books this afternoon, for I don't want to show off all my skills...

The following week the spy who unnerves me returned. Once again he had me preview his prints. This time I found myself staring at what looked like a resume written in some form of Cryillic. Great. Was he a double agent? Did he need a dose of Lithium? I mean, I am pretty good at customer service, but I was pretty sure at this point that this guy was most definitely engaging me in some sort of mind game.

Prints made, I held out his Russian resume and stared right into his eyes without any sign of disquieted feelings or an impressed demeanor. I quite literally was embodying a zero cares given attitude. My goal was to channel every front desk government worker that I had ever encountered. He dropped twenty cents into my hand and I swear I noted a crinkle of disappointment around the edges of his carnivorous eyes.

Long ago I learned to trust my creepdar. There is something strange about this character. What exactly it is, I know not, but what really bites is when I was updating his account information I discovered that the man lives right down the road from me. Sigh.

Today Almost James Bond graced our doors again. His behavior today was completely introverted, he didn't speak too or look at any of us. Perhaps he is running some sort of op and he can't engage with the local wildlife. All I know is that inconspicuous this man is not, so I hope he is applying at other places.

I kinda wonder just what Almost James Bond could make out of these items!!

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And as always, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's super covert iPhone.

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