Preparing Nana’s Body & My new job

The last few weeks have been... completely unreal. It’s been really hard to ground myself and focus on the here and now.
Loss, rejection and now the death of my grandmother.
When It Rains...

This morning I loaded my car up with all the necessary supplies to wash, dress and prep my Nana’s body for her funeral.
I’ve worked in the funeral industry but never with a deceased relative that I’ve been this close to.
I wasn’t prepared enough to see her...
all alone, in a cold room, with all the medical tape, the hospital slippers and heart monitor stickers all over her chest.
I quickly got to work.

People don’t realizes that after a loved one dies, they DONT have to haul them off to a morgue for a complete stranger to take care of.
Personally, I give the same respect and dignity to all the people on my table but the bond just isn’t there.

As I was finishing up, after a rough couple hours, my mom asked me what I was going to do with her after she dies.
I told her I’m going to keep her at home for as long as I can. Till I’m ready to put her to rest.
Her mouth fell open, eyes wide, she said

“You weirdo! Where are you gonna keep me? In the closet ?!”

Even at a time like this my mom can make me crack up.
“No mom, all you need is a cold room and it prevents or slows down decomposition. There’s no reason to send you off with strangers and I can do everything they can do, so what’s the point. “

I talked her out of the idea of embalming and now because of our talk, most of my relatives are much happier with my idea of a natural burial.

I have no beef with embalming but no one in my family, close family, will be embalmed.
It’s a very invasive procedure with very little purpose besides slowing decomposition.
It’s very helpful in a lot of cases but to avoid getting into the yucky details, I’ll stick with “helpful. “

I want to be there for my family till the very end. I want them to be treated with dignity, respect and most importantly
Love.

Being that close and personal with death, really gives me a whole different perspective on life.
We avoid death. We avoid pain and painful decisions all to “free” ourselves from a temporary discomfort.

This new perspective, I’ve applied to many aspects in my life.
I was recently broken up with by someone who is used to avoiding conflict at all costs. Avoiding commitment, feelings and bailing when things get “too much. “
Well friends, that’s life. It’s real and it’s uncomfortable, sad, painful, stressful and on and on and on...
if we just gave up on everything we loved when things get hard, where would we be?
Today for example, I love my Nana and I knew I needed to take care of her. I wasn’t exactly jumping for joy at the thought of washing and dressing her cold, stone body. I knew in my heart that I had no other choice. I love her and pushed through the discomfort and now I have a sense of peace and the grief I carried in with me, I left behind.

Life wasn’t given to us to so we can toy with it. I honestly believe we ALL have a greater purpose than just breathing, walking and sleeping.
Don’t hide from feelings that get in the way of something that can be meaningful and help you grow.

Just like taking care of my Nana today, I was uncomfortable, sad and I just wanted to run and cry.
When I was finished, I felt at peace.

She looked so peaceful and I couldn’t have moved past this and started healing without it. I love her and took care of her.

While packing up my supplies the funeral director approached me and asked if I was interested in working with him full time.
After ALL the emotional roller coasters I’ve been on this week, I wasn’t expecting that.
I tried to play it cool: “oh.. yeah I’d love the opportunity to work here. I’ll be in touch and call me anytime. “

Inside my head: “ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!!! Yes Yes Yes Yes!!”