The past week has been a bit of a whirlwind, I haven't had time to truly process my dad's loss...blech, phrases like that one irritate me, let me try again...
It's not quite real to me that my dad is actually gone. Everyone keeps saying things like 'closure' and 'went peacefully' and 'in a better place', and all I can think is just a moment ago he was calling me 'easy teasy' (his way of picking on me for falling for one of his many ways to rib me) or asking me what my steemit account was worth that day, which was his new favorite question.
Death is such a strange thing. It's inevitable, yet we always seem to be caught unaware by it, even in cases like my dad with his many health and physical issues. I suppose it's just that we're never ready to lose someone we love, no matter how 'prepared' we try to be. Something about them being gone from this world, never to be heard from again while we're here...it feels unnatural.
Maybe because it is. I do believe that this physical realm is temporary, that we're only visiting. And I think where ever it is we really come from does not have constructs such as time or death.
I wrote the above last night when I decided to go back to my house for a bit. My extended family left this morning, and right now my brother is with mom taking care of some things. While he's still here, I'm taking the time to do what I haven't been able to. Grieve, then let go, so I can be strong for the woman who just lost the man she's been with for fifty years. Help her learn to live without him, remind her, and myself, that he wouldn't want us to remain in a state of mourning, he would want us to celebrate the life he had and live our own lives to the fullest. With joy, and love, humor and adventure.
I'm saying goodbye. But I know
This is not the end.
A song my brother originally wrote for a dear friend shortly after she passed from her long battle with Cystic Fibrosis. When he was trying to decide which songs to play at dad's funeral he realized that many of the lyrics fit him as well.
"Missing You"
"And I know,
you're suffering's done.
And I know,
that time goes on.
And I know,
I must too.
Although,
I'm missing you."
Generously created for me by @son-of-satire
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(( HUGS ))
Thanks for sharing with us again. You are strong and will get through this, even though your world will never quite be the same again.
Thank you Linda. I felt the hug ;) As I said, it's been a whirlwind, but the rest of the extended family left this morning so it's time to get back to life.
It is most definitely not the end!
The worst thing about death for me is the sudden absence which is deafening in its absoluteness. It seems so hard to grasp that absence no matter how many times it happens. It's like trying to grab an elephants bum in a dark room whilst wearing a blindfold.
You are doing the most amazing thing you can, which is remaining positive and celebrating the joy of his life and what he bought to yours.
Forgive my rambling, I try not to say too much at these times because I drivel on a bit. :0)
Are you kidding? I love your rambling. And what a profound analogy (LOLOL) You know the first laugh I've had all week that wasn't touched by sadness was after reading your post yesterday.
It’s true, what you’ve said: we’re never ready to lose someone we love. How can we be?
I hope you’re able to harness that feeling into living as intensely, and feeling as much, as possible. To me, that’s always been the gift of grief: the reminder that life is temporary and we have to live it as fully as possible.
Sending lots of light your way!
Thank you, I'll take all the light that can be given right now:)
This is so true. No matter how prepared we think we are, we find out we're never ready. I pray you get all the strength needed to get through this phase and come out stronger.
Thank you love. It's good to hear from you, how have you been?
All I know how to write right now is that I'm here and near for you (there's a bunch of us!) to offer support and warmth for you. Thanks for letting us know how you are. My love to you and the family.
Anything you say is a comfort Paul, just knowing you're there thinking of me, caring, is enough. Love you right back.
Like Linda said, you are strong. And so is your mom. The love within your family will help you all get through it. Give yourself permission to ask for what you need, so you can then be there for them. xx
xo
I think "bye for now" is quite appropriate. I never know the right thing to say during these situations. Maybe because I feel so many emotions and I empathize with people who feels so many emotions, that words just elude me. Like I said multiple times now, and a sentiment we share, this is only the beginning. It might not be in this physical plane, but your dad is kicking ass and taking names in a whole new different plane. Think of it as him blazing a path for all of you when you get there several decades from now. Your dad really seems like a great guy, I mean he should be, right? Considering he raised wonderful children.
I remember that song from Ed, and it's what I think about when I get lonely sometimes. The tightest of hugs from your other bro in SoKo(r)!!
I was doing pretty good today, then I had to go and bump into my dad's best friend and his daughter who was my sister's best friend, and of course they asked me how I was and the daughter was instantly tearing up and I barely held myself together as I escaped to my car. And I still feel like I haven't processed it fully, every time I start to think about it too much I break down and then put a kabosh on my thoughts. The death of one of the main characters in your own life story is brutal, even having gone through it a couple times already. Maybe also because it's been a number of years since the last particularly harsh exit.
I'll take that hug. My cousin (Brad) spoke at the funeral about one of his fondest memories, how my dad used to take him, me, and my other cousin Heather in a bear hug squeezing the breath out of us. Literally. We loved it.
I don't know your dad personally, and even I'm tearing up a bit as I read that story. He will live on as long as the memories live on. It will always hurt, but take solace in the moments you have shared. If it was an inevitability, at least when your father and sister passed they were spread far apart. I think it would've stung even more if it happened so closely together.
Much love. Sometimes, there are simply no words. ❤️
Thank you :)
Bro, thank you for sharing. Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are on the right track!
I appreciate it (though I'm a 'sis' not a bro lol) I hope so :)
Haha well, 'sis' you're doing it!
So sorry for your loss, it is always hard to lose a parent. Positive thoughts sent your way!
Thanks, I'll take all the positive I can get :)
I don't always know what to believe about so many things, but on this point I do agree with this. I do hold this to be true. May that statement bring you more than just comfort - may it guide your steps as you move forward.
Yeah, that's about as much as I can say I believe too. I only know that what makes someone them leaves when they die, to where I don't know, but somewhere, and the body is just a costume.
Thank you.
i also just lost my dad last year of liver cancer i still cant beleive he's gone... upvoted & resteemed god bless!
My dad died of a heart attack - unexpectedly on his mother's birthday in July 2016. "He went peacefully, he didn't suffer"...blah blah. No words are consoling - the grief is forever and so is the loss. Dads are just such special people, they let us know 'everything will be ok' no matter how old we are.
I have nothing to say aside the trite 'sorry for your loss' - and this piece touched me. Hugs from a stranger on the internet. The first year is hell (or was for me, not a day went by when I didn't wake up thinking about him), the second year I'm finally accepting...please make time to grieve. It's essential.
Yes they are special. I'm generally not at a loss for things to say, particularly when writing, but right now I'm having a hard time putting sentences together. There's nothing trite about what you said here however, you know exactly where I'm at, returning the hug and perhaps we won't stay strangers- I've made some amazing, lasting friendships on this site.
You did a beautiful job with sentences in this post ;-) I hope so too!!
Is that you Karen? Do you have two accounts?
Thank you and God bless you too :)
It's not simple to write something after I read this post. It really touched me. I'm so sorry for your lost, but as you wrote this is not the end. Your words make me think to my father, he's a very important man in my life since I was born and I love him so much. He teached me many things, he protected me, he loved me and now that he's old I try to take care of him as better as I can. I know it will be a day he'll go away, but thinking it will be not the end help me to stay up. Our memories will be inside of us and close to us.
I'm just one of many feeling for you right now Linnet. You have a lot of friends here ready to do anything they can to help you if you need it, which is a testament to you and which is a testament to your father. I'm sure he's proud of the way you're handling things.
I got the gift you sent this morning. It was really sweet of you. :)
I'll get a letter off to you soon, my friend. x
I lost both of my grandparents on the paternal side and my grandmother from mother side within a very short period of time. (My other grandfather died when I was a very small child, so I don't remember him at all.)
It has been like 6 years and I still didn't processed their deaths...
My heart is crying for your loss because I know it too well. You asked "how do you get through?" and the answer is... one moment at a time because you didn't "lose" anything. He fekkin' died and it's the suckiest of all sucks, especially if you have a healthy relationship with dad. And it's okay to say you're not okay when someone asks how you're doing. It's okay to embrace the hurt but don't get lost in it. And you know what? It's okay to laugh too. Every time I think of the dumbest things I've caught my dad doing, I laugh my ass off (sometimes through the tears). BIG HUGS.
ps - I left you my email address. Here it is again meredith@mjloughran.com don't be shy about using it.