Lying on the same bed in the same hospital room for more than two weeks now, my father is getting worse by the day. In his own decision to refuse the dialysis and despite taking medications and getting consultations daily, his body is no longer cooperating. He is physically disabled and many of his organs are no longer functioning well.
Now, he feels that he is not going to stay for long.
He did not say it through his words, but I can say it from his eyes that he is tired.
But he did utter, “I want to rest now.”
Not sure what he meant about that. Rest for the night or through eternity? But to me, it sounded like he has given up. Hearing that from his mouth, I have also lost hope.
I know for sure that he wants to be cured, but at this point of his health condition there is only little that his mind can do when his body is already failing him. Even the doctors assigned to him declared that anytime now, we should expect the worst.
From then on, I have prepared myself emotionally. When I am not in the hospital and a family member calls me, my heart shudders in fear that it might be the bad news. It is extremely difficult to deal with a slow death of a loved one.
I and my father are not really the best buddies. Ever since I was a child I consider myself a mama’s boy, only reaching to my father for permissions and allowances. My relationship with my father is best symbolized by a belt – he always spanked me when I was a kid for several reasons.
He has a bad record as a husband being known as a womanizer. I scorn him for hurting my mother that way.
But I carry his first name and I have his thick brows. And most importantly, he is my father.
I can only have one of that. None of what he did to me when I was a child makes the fact that he brought me into this world any less.
One night last week, he already told us his last wishes mostly in concern when we will be bereaved.
“Take care of Gab-gab [his 4-year-old granddaughter]. Let her grow up to be a wonderful child,” he struggled to speak with tears in his eyes. “And to Vince [his youngest son], who is still in school.”
It was an emotional moment for all of us, needless to say. As he was saying goodbye, we could not contain our emotions.
After that, my family decided to stop all medications because they would already render pointless. Plus, we are already financially exhausted.
Also since then, although quite disrespectful, the rest of the family had prepared for the burial rites. We had estimated that it will cost us around Php 80,000 to give my father a decent funeral, that is on top of the hospital bill which is now around the same amount.
We are a financially challenged family. It was also a bad decision not to get a funeral plan. So the only way now to survive this crisis is to find money on our own or ask from relatives if they could give some.
According to my older brother, we had already accumulated more or less Php 30,000 from relatives. A really big help to get through this painful episode of our lives.
Now I’m asking my fellow Steemians if you could contribute in any way possible. I have been helped here once, without asking, but this time I will ask.
A simple upvote will already do. I really, really, really need your help this time.
As to what happened to my lost SBD with Poloniex, I still have not retrieved that. That would have made a difference already.
My father will celebrate his 58th birthday on March 12. But I guess, even out of my will, that he will not be alive by then.
stay strong @dioncrediblehulk
Thank you Hazel. I'm trying.
Life may be so tough my bro, condolence. Your father is in safe hands now. Always be reminded that there's a rainbow always after the rain. God bless you bro and to your family.
I can actually relate with your paternal relationship, as my dad and I aren't the best buddies either and all that, but despite everything I still love him. I can just imagine the pain you're going through at this tough time.
I don't know how I can be of greater help, but I hope you'll get through everything. hugs
I appreciate this, Marian. I thought going through this will be fine once I accepted my father's fate, but the process itself gives me so much emotional baggage. To add to that is where to find the finances. Hayyyyyyyy. sends back the virtual hug
I know how painful it is right now for you and for your family. Stay strong. Gosh, I hate the feeling. I wanna cry. :(
I do not have much voting power but at least I can share it to my steemit chatgroup.
Thank you, Zy. I appreciate this a lot.
Upvoted, resteemed and shared.. Godbless @dioncrediblehulk. Always stay incredible!
Thank you! It's just a dark episode of my life, I am and will always be incredible!
I hope you and your family find the strength you need to face this hard situation head on. God bless @dioncrediblehulk!
We are trying in these hard times. Thank you po!
Hop you have a stable support system to help you in this time of need. It's not easy to see a father suffer within your grasps but I hope you carry on with life bro.
We only have each other in the family and some support from friends and close relatives. Thank you for your nice words, Aaron.
I may not know you personally, but this post really means a lot to me, since I lost my father four years ago. The process of going through the emotions brought upon by the financial problems and the deep concern of your father is truly heavy. As long as you will do what is best for him, I know for sure that everything will have its peaceful closure in the end. I will pray for your father and for your family. I know you are a strong person.
At some point we have to face that we are getting older and our parents do too. But seeing my father like this is difficult. It is indeed heavy. I appreciate the sympathy, Jay. God bless.
I feel you sir, my mother was also confined, due to a kidney failure but unfortunately I lost her, just stay strong God works in mysterious ways. I'll be praying for your father. God bless you.
Thank you for the prayers, that's what we really need right now.
Your welcome sir, stay strong.
Upvoted and re steem.
I hope you will find comfort and peace in each other's in this trying times. Stay strong, keep faith. God bless you and your family bro. Xxx
im sorry to hear about your father bro.. hope his condition will improve..
Thank you, bro. At this point I am already accepting his death. I did not know that it is this difficult.
stay strong my friend..
Upvoted by my minnow upvote. I'll send a few SBDs also. Stay strong and awesome!
You have been consistently nice to me, Kim! And I'm forever grateful.
It's not just me. It's the whole Cebu community. Our leaders @themanualbot and @jassennessaj even shared this post in our group and asked for a full upvote. It's their influence that made me do the things I should do.
Hi dude, i know how exactly you are feeling right now i had my share of pain experience as well two years ago with my Mom... even until now because i refuse to be healed i still want to feel the pain bec that was exactly what I want when she was in pain ....ako nalang sana... the existence of pain in my heart for me bec i dont want to let go of her... eventually, i will be healed but not that too fast.... stay strong dude!
condolence. stay strong, may he rest in peace and be united with the Creator soon.
To @dioncrediblehulk: i wish you ease through a very difficult journey... I was there myself 9 years ago, when my father chose to stop treatment and passed away when he was ready. That is the key - he is a strong and independent man who chooses when the time is right for him and that choice has to be respected...
He is lucky to have you there! Stay well!
Dion, i want to cry to river. :(
What you and your family are going through is a very, very hard time. My heart goes out to you and my prayers for acceptance and support. I got the phone call a few minutes ago. My best friend lost her grandmother at 3 p.m. today. She was very close to her, like a mother. The weight of grief is very hard on her and it will take time for her to absorb the loss. I'm very sad that your dad is passing and has had a long illness and the financial debt that you all find yourself in. You have my prayers.
Condolence sir @dioncrediblehulk, God bless you and to your family.
I am sorry you have to go through all that, but I know you will be able to surpass the hurdles you will be having later on in life. As for your situation right now, I know how helpless man can be when face with death. But hold on, and stay strong for your family.
Be strong for your dad.
I am terribly sorry for what you're going through, @dioncrediblehulk. I'll send in a few sbds for you in hopes that it'll help.
Thank you, Gail! I need all the help I can get in any form.