Thank you for sharing your experiences. It is true, you cannot intellectualize God; doesn't work like that. The more you do that the farther away he seems to be. It is all about the experience, the relationship, and the spirituality. Religion sucks, by the way. I had a friend (she's been out of my life for a while) who was an agnostic; she said she didn't care to believe or not to. I think she was bluffing, because we all need something to cling to. We are not made of iron, stone or steel...