Paralyzed by freedom & life choices. What people to help? What dream to chase? What are your dreams?

When I was in my twenties I dreamed of having enough money, enough freedom to not need to be employed, not need to say yes to things that i didn't want to do.

I dreamed of instead spending all year round in the sun, travel, make friends, meet girls, skateboard & being filmed, interviewing people, design clothing prints, learn to skydive, etc.

As i got happier around age 25 I also got the dream to help others get happier.

Now I have had the money to do all those things for almost ten years and oddly I have almost not skateboarded at all compared to before I was free and I only skydiving grew old quickly without the right friends.

Many days I end up just being inside on the computer even though I have a hotel pool and am in new countries traveling with so much to see. It's kind of weird.

With this post I am not complaining about anything, just sharing what is on my mind. I would be an ass to complain and hopefully I'm not an ass.

Even during 2013 when I built a skateboard ramp on my car and the years I had that car I didn't skate much because my skateboard friends where not around on my travels and it was empty to skate without good skate friends. Surprise.

I do enjoy to travel most months each year and I spend most time in the sun and in periods I often get a dip in the hotel pool when I'm staying at hotels. And I try to figure out how to help people.

On the downside I have way less friends compared to when I was stuck in the same city all year round and didn't care about helping people, and I spend just as much time working now that I don't really need to work.

Or actually I probably spend way more time working now in one way...

But now I mostly work on things that don't pay me, but that I in some way enjoy and that I naively hope may lead to valuable outcome some day, like trying to create concepts to help poor, homeless or depressed people so I can feel useful on new levels (and mostly failing) or "working" with crypto investments or stocks that even lose money at times.

Or for example like writing this post or posting on instagram or youtube to maybe one day build a following that maybe one day will make money, but most likely not since I don't stay consistent for long enough.

Am I happier now? Hmm. About the same, but in periods yes.

I learned now to almost never worry, to not be angry and to not judge.

It is easier not to worry when you know that you have money to eat and stay at hotels and rent an apartment when you want to.

Money may not always buy happiness, but it sure makes it easier to not worry, as long as you don't fall victim to greed and envy.

I have more now to be grateful for and I remember how much pressure it was, not knowing where money for rent and food would come from, so I am more grateful for what I have, but I also had a lot of fun back then with my friends and it was fun to not be so experienced, to have so much new to explore and see, so I was pretty happy then too.

What do I even want with this post? For once, I have no idea what I want with it, except for sharing my thoughts. It's kind of nice to not care.

I guess this is just me sharing me, like some people told me to be in the comments. Not worrying about what people want to read.

Oh, and I wanted to share that freedom to do whatever you want with your time does not always mean that you will actually spend so much time doing what you thought you really wanted to do most. You might do these things for a while, but then realize that you want to do something more meaningful.

Trying to figure out how to skydive. Also figuring out that I seem to be a bit too different from most skydivers to make good friends in those circles.

Sometimes you get so overwhelmed with all the choices you have that you end up jumping from one unfinished thing to another and you never really finish anything.

And if your friends are not as free as you or they don't want the same thing and if you don't want to "buy friends to join you", but your dream included friends, then it can still be a bit tricky to fully live your dream.

And once again, I'm not complaining the least, just sharing. I am so thankful that I got to taste relative freedom after so many years without it!

I will keep chasing even more freedom and keep trying to use my time better to both execute on my own dreams, meet friends that share my dreams and execute on my dreams to help others.

What are your dreams and are you working towards them? How?

Are you doing with your time what you really want?

Are friends at home worth more to you than a traveling lifestyle?

Oh, and I also have this question now when I think of people to help...

Is it more important to help depressed and suicidal people , even those who have families, homes and money, or is it more important to help poor and homeless people, even those who are not really unhappy?

And what people can even be helped to help themselves at all, I sometimes wonder, because those who are willing to learn to get better or happier really just needs to look for the answers and they are everywhere.

Other thoughts and stuff:
@david-krug blog