How important is money when deciding whether or not a person is suitable for dating?
Marriage markets are very complicated. People can marry (and divorce) anyone they want whenever they want (subject to legal restrictions), or not. People can move to marry, or marry and then move. They can marry up, down, sideways, or internationally. After divorce, they can repeat the process, with variation.
- Many people will say money doesn't matter when love is involved but the statistics say otherwise.
- Statistics point toward people marrying people of a similar education level as themselves.
- While people don't necessarily directly ask "how much money do you make?", many do ask "what do you do for a living?" which is a slick way of asking how much money you make without directly asking.
So the question is, how important is income status in dating? Is it ethical to date down?
What exactly is dating down? Dating down is dating a person of a lower socio-economic status than yourself. It is also known that people who do date down have challenging relationship dynamics which can lead to one side concluding that they do all the work, or deserve better.
- Should people restrict their dating options to include only people of equivalent net worth to themselves?
- Should people simply decide on what their preferences are and date according to their preferences (whether it's dating high income, low income, physically pretty, intelligent, etc)?
Since there are no right or wrong answers but ethics do play a role in mate selection, the question is which answers is considered by community consensus to be perceived as ethical?
References
Becker, G. S. (1973). A theory of marriage: Part I. Journal of Political economy, 81(4), 813-846.
Web:
- https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/college-graduates-marry-other-college-graduates-most-of-the-time/274654/
- https://www.quora.com/Is-it-wrong-to-turn-down-a-guy-for-not-making-a-lot-of-money
- http://www.newsweek.com/sex-race-education-and-marriage-gap-322591
- http://nypost.com/2016/06/01/the-solution-to-nycs-man-drought-date-down/
- https://www.quora.com/Do-men-prefer-to-date-down-and-do-women-prefer-to-date-up
- https://www.quora.com/Social-and-Behavioral-Norms-Why-is-it-considered-extremely-rude-to-inquire-about-other-peoples-salaries-income-in-the-US
- http://www.slate.com/articles/business/the_bills/2016/02/ask_the_bills_when_should_couples_reveal_their_salaries_to_each_other.html
When it comes to finding a partner and money, I find that it's not as much about how much they are currently making as it is how much they desire to make. In my eyes, I want to see that there is an abundance mindset. Does she believe that she deserves great things in life? Does she desire an above average life? If my wife only wanted mediocrity and average, then I can tell you that I wouldn't be with her. I've got HUGE goals and dreams that I fully plan to accomplish and she has to be onboard with that or else she would sabotage us as a couple to not achieve those.
For me , I do not care if my lady is rich because am doing great..I care only of her character, intelligence and of course beautiful plus healthy looks . Her money does not count for me , however if she has money plus all the qualities I outlined here, hmmmmm I will not say no.
same page here charles1 words right outta my mouth :)
Welcome buddy...
life isimportant than money
I'm more concerned with their financial decisions than their annual income, personally. Someone can have a good income and make terrible financial decisions. I've made good financial decisions for the most part. My student loans are the only debt I have. Why would I voluntarily tie myself to someone who has made poor financial decisions and has destroyed their credit? My credit would be on the line for all major purchases. Heck if we were to get married, my credit ranking would actually drop. I don't want to be paying for someone else's dumb decisions, nor do I want my credit destroyed b/c everything would have to be in my name, on my credit, and the person has already proven they don't care about their own credit, like they're really going to care about mine more than they did their own? You can be poor and financially stable (which is me), and you can make over $100k per year and be up to your eyeballs in debt from bad decisions. I'm more worried about financial stability and making smart financial decisions than I am someone's overall income. Just my two cents.
absolutely love that statement! yeah financial decisions over income everytime. personally, when it comes to falling for some one, i don't really think about the money side, just work out the kinks and work with what you have, i have to admit i'm a bit romantic in the hope that things will just turn out of on the money side but that's because of years of living on little rather than gorging on it!
I'm probably far too logical for my own good sometimes. I'm one of those who believes that we completely control who fall in love with. We choose who we allow ourselves to get close to and attached to. I want to know these kinds of things before I choose whether to allow myself to get attached to someone or not. If you know certain things are going to be deal breakers for you, or are going to actually be a big problem in the future, why wouldn't you just avoid bringing that drama and heart ache on yourself and focus on finding someone you're more compatible with?
if that works for you, all power to you. i found that whenever i had drama in my life i eventually grew from it myself, i've found that people change, circumstances change, people grow apart, what if that person has money and then gradually don't, are you telling me you trade them in for another financial suitable partner as and when? - you can't always have all the data -- but then, what do i know. i'm just happy to be here on planet earth today with breakfast burritos and coffee! - i wish you the best in achieving relationship zen!
I can only speak for myself when I say that I prioritize my preferences. For example, I value loyalty and faithfulness more than money, and if someone makes a lot of money but lacks faithfulness or loyalty then I won't accept that. Because I know from experience that money's power and usefulness fades away when betrayed.
Money has its importance in maintaining a way of life but a happy way of life is supported by the intangible wealth we possess, like a faithful and honest and loyal partner. A caring partner who has empathy for me and makes efforts to make me love myself and my life in the same way I make similar efforts for them too. At the end of the day, it's about being happy, the both of you, and helping each other live and love life.
I am fully agree with you! This is also what I choose in life and I enjoy it. :)
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I can see a day when marriage is no longer done. and ethereum contracts take over
In my scenario would I leave my partner if she didn't make enough money? This is hard to define what enough is. Right now we're fine and she lost her job I wouldn't leave her. However if she started behaving badly and did not care about going to work, it's a different thing. Love is an act not just a feeling, if my partner truly loved me she would care enough not to burden me so much that I have to work tirelessly to pay all of the bills instead of helping. So, to answer your question. I don't care if she is rich, but she cannot be a lazy bum and not contribute.
meep
Thank you @ionlysaymeep - why, I totally agree - Steem on!
meep
I rather find someone that loves me, cares and sees the world trough my eyes regardless of the status or the money she/he makes. Real love overcomes the sour taste of not making enough money. The simpler things in life, that don’t cost any money, sometimes are the ones that are more memorable.
I think if money or status makes a difference, love is not real and trying to make it work is not worth it.
Now to answer the question, none of the two provided options feel right to me. One should acquire the ability of seeing through the outer appearance and circumstances and really genuinely get to know someone.
What is "real" and what is "worth it"?
If money or status makes a difference, love/bond is not real and trying hard to have a fulfilling relationship is not worth it... just my personal opinion.
Oh and thank you... tried to make more clear in the first comment.
My current husband has no jobs or anything and I'm the only one making an effort to work , I haven't turned him down yes I feel sad all the time because my coming baby I want to raise better but if I have to do everything for this baby I will . I wouldn't turn my husband down just because he's not making any money , in just waiting for him to realize that we will never make it without money
Good for y
Great blog! Remember you can not buy Love, but money is there to be made. Keep up the good work buddy
My girlfriend accepted me when I was poor. I think money has not changed anything in our relationship. We are just in love with each other and share everything. Now I earn my life better and I would give her everything I have to make her happy
Love is more important than money, status, class, race or gender.
That is what people say but it's not what people do according to the statistics.
Well, I did. And after 10 years of marriage, I couldn't be happier with that choice at the time!
I think these statistics are highly regional. There will be huge differences between lets say USA, Russia and India.
Still, it's a great notion to believe that love conquers all - at least we like to think so :)
On this issue it's pretty universal.
Source: Dataclysm
Money should have nothing to do with it. Values and beliefs are far more important. In saying that, if the potential partner is lazy and has the ability to work but simply doesn't want to work or do something valuable with their time then I would give them a miss.
So you would not date someone who didn't vote for the candidate you would have voted for?
My partner could vote for whoever she wanted to vote for and I would expect that she would be able to logically and rationally explain why she voted for that candidate and that her reasons for doing so would align with our shared valued and beliefs.
Practically speaking most of us dont wanna date a begger right? Why? Because we dont want end up marrying that person who doesn't have any. Sad but true I think.
I think that for the most people, money is not important when deciding whether or not a person is suitable for dating, but i also think that money seems to be very important in the daily life after dating. Lack of money is likely the cause of problems in relationships and marriages, make life difficult and in many cases lead to divorce.
No i will not do that,love is not all about money.
I dont want to be with someone whos broke, why should i carry all the weight?
I argue that it's not money, it's work ethic.
If one partner makes significantly less money but has a similar work ethic, there will be less stress than if both partners make the same amount of money but one partner is "lazy"
wow a great subject . I would and have married 'down' financial vice. I see no problem AS long as you marry/ be partner with some one you do love, then alllll that stuff about , what work, age, your your income is, is inrrelevant. resteeming :D
Of course not. Money is hardly anything let alone everything...
If You marry someone who is richer than You You can be quite sure he/she didn't marry You because of the money! :)
I don't think the exact amount of money matters - but being self-sufficient and having a good financial IQ is essential. Someone needs to be able to survive by themselves before I feel like I'll be able to have a healthy relationship with them - kind of a catch 22, but it's the truth.
It's similar to how I wouldn't want to date someone smoking cigarettes - because the health risks are huge, I don't want to sign up for that!! But I also think that love is a tricky thing, these aren't hard and fast rules so much as idealistic ideas...
Its ok tondate down ,truenlove dont care for money. I met my girls friend while she was still in school and i was working i made way more than het part time time thsr didn't stop me from loving her whit all my heart .dont put imaginary fence between you and your potential true love.
I guess no one would reject money if there are no conditions attached to it but I personally would not marry someone because of riches, then again, it's easy to say that because I haven't had an offer like that in real life before. Would I marry someone who is poor? Yes, I would, it's marriage not business, right?
this post is very deep and not being pretty well is not a reason to abandon someone I think that this is the best reason to work hard and face the problems togheter thanks for sharing this post and keep on posting ;)
The ability for your partner to financially take care of themselves (and even others) if necessary is certainly an attractive quality. It's also somewhat indicative of ambition, dependability, intelligence etc.
Her character is just the key.
my Mum makes more money than my Dad but you will never know
We need to help each other in this world
This is a rather sensitive topic. I think a lot many times it's men who date down as contrary to women. Women, from examples around me I have seen that if and when they date down it is the men whose ego doesn't allow the relationship to succeed. Of course this is just their opinion. I think if you are actually in love, money and status are not that big of a deal.
Love love is behavior not the feeling or you need to show by your behavior how you feel we are now Society of two income and it's very fair when two parts are contribute equal share alike 50/50 I would say healthy balance
if you see relationship on an earthly plane then they will always fail. relationships are here to grow spiritually because they perfectly reflect your shortcomings. most people fail to see that.
It's a question for men or women? Everyone knows their priorities.
The most important consideration in a partner is someone that you respect and admire. Healthy relationships are those in which both parties respect and admire each other -- this way, the relationship is between equals.
It is of course always possible for two high earners to marry. But often, the work involved in earning that money keeps the two apart much of the time, and this produces a weaker bond -- kind of like how two south poles of magnets repel each other.
If, instead of finding someone with qualities similar to yours, you respect and admire them for qualities you don't have, and they in turn respect and admire you for qualities that they don't have, this can make a much tighter bond. Instead of similar magnetic orientation, this would be opposite magnetic orientation, in which case the two stick together quite tightly.
If you already make good money, perhaps you aren't looking for someone who also makes money. Perhaps you would admire someone who is organized, or thoughtful, or artistic, or motherly or fatherly. Perhaps someone who is athletic, or handy, or smart. The point being -- having money is just one of many attractive qualities. It indicates either hard work or intelligence (unless the money is handed down, which creates a downward spiral over the next few generations until the money is gone.) There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone with money, as long as what you are really appreciating are the qualities that allowed them to earn that money.
But if all you want is their money, then this is just greed, and you will earn yourself an unhappy partnership.