Maybe there is such a thing as "healthy selfishness" @donna-metcalfe... consider giving to the world because a better world makes the world better for ME, as well. I remember a friend who said he supported the local shelter because "if there are fewer vagrants loose in town, they won't come and try to sleep in my shed."
However, those manipulators you're describing there are never pleasant to encounter... healthy boundaries becomes really important.
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Yes, the topic of selfishness has more aspects than what I presented and "healthy selfishness" would be one. In fact that is how I approach it - the good I do (try to do) is towards making the kind of world that I want to live in.
The way I look at it is that if I can make my little corner of the world a better and happier place, and other people do the same, our "little corners' will eventually overlap.
Where I was going with this topic was to point out how "selfishness" is thrown about when people aren't getting what they want, not because the other person is actually selfish but has healthy boundaries.
And that type of selfishness is basically a manipulation, you're quite right. Those people feel like eternal "energy sinks" because it feels like SO much work to be around them!
It's a great topic!
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It took me a while to recognize when I was around those people. (I call them 'black holes' of energy. Another term I've heard is 'energy vampires' but to me that implies they're doing it on purpose. Which mainly I don't think they are, they just don't have a bottom to their neediness.) I'd wonder why I felt so tired after a short conversation. Yes, because it's so much work!