We've all heard heart-melting stories of lovers being together despite great distances and although we all dream of such a powerful connection, not many of us are prepared to make compromises for it.
In today's busy world most of us view unbreakable love as something from a cheesy film and are much more focused on compatibility and attraction. Do we have common interests, do we feel good with each other and how much fun we have in bed are some of the criteria by which we judge our possible partners. Some lucky few claim they experienced the magnificent phenomenon called 'Love at first sight' but we tend to place this on the 'fantasy' shelf as well.
And even though we don't have to rely on the super romantic love letter to communicate to our partners when they're away, seeing each other on Face-time is not quite the same as sleeping in the same bed. The human need for touch and closeness can't really be satisfied by technology however advanced it might become. So can a long distance relationship really work?
So what do we need to stay in a long-distance relationship?
A really strong connection
This is common sense but we shouldn't compromise unless there's really something there. Long distance relationships are pretty hard, but when another person means a lot to us we can deal with the issues that may come up.
Strong plans for the future
Probably the most important thing to consider is whether the situation is temporary. If the plan is to be together fairly soon, it's much easier to accept a period of separation and remain faithful to each other. But if it doesn't seem probable that you will move closer to each other in the near future, you should think whether it's worth it.
Ways to meet pretty often
If you live in different cities but are able to see each other every week, then it's not so bad. It's probably even better in some aspects as you are able to have separate lives and privacy as well as the romantic reunions. Also you never get bored or tired of each other (unless you text all day) and dates are much more fun. But this can also work only temporary, as most of us need the comfort of living together at some point in our lives.
If you live in different country and may not be able to see each other for months then it's probably not worth the struggle. After a while your completely separate lives may get between you and that connection will start fading.
Lots and lots of trust
If you're planing to have an open relationship, that's great, probably better. But if your long-distance relationship is monogamous, you need to trust that you're partner will stay faithful, regardless of how often you meet. When you start doubting, it's over. If for whatever reason you don't fully trust your partner, you should not try and stay together. This is actually valid for normal relationships as well.
Nice ..
Great post from you, thanks for the tips
Thanks for sharing
I guess, honestly @corina, it depends on the level of love the couple has. If it's soulmate level, everything will be ok. I think it's important to understand that for people in these situations.
Even though I've heard people say it a thousand times, friends, family, television, movies, books... If it's meant to be, it's going to be. That's so crazy, to understand (through my life experiences) that this is so true. It really is. Now, that doesn't mean the two lover should ignore love for they believe it will be no matter what - it still requires understanding and trust, like you're writing about. More so, I think the understanding of passion is also very important. Those fights? Long distance ones... Well... Fighting is passion too. Just keep it civil I guess.
Also like you're saying, look forward and to the future. If you can get through it, the hard parts, the harder it will be to split apart :)
Securing love takes time and effort, and, unfortunately, it takes pain.
Also, we must be careful not to get too deep into the Psychology of love. You can easily boil it all down to the pituitary gland and oxycontin. SAD SAD understanding of love. Psychology of love destroys the divinity of it. Psychology can't explain what some believe as well; soulmates.
Psychology still can't explain everything. There are still a lot of things down to 'magic' and some part of me hopes they remain mysterious.
Me too :) I hope it remains mysterious. Good point.
Very well put! And yes some relationships are meant to be and they will survive any hardship.
I feel it is great not to compromise on communication too once you are in a long distance relationship. Once you don't communicate well, mistrust might creep in.
Very true. Communication is key in any relationship but especially a long-distance one. Thank you for your comment.
thanks for sharing! i will start following your exciting posts! Checkout my posts as well
Thank you for your kind comment @saraalafi
This is really a great piece
Thank you!
Im in a long distance relationship myself, we've been dating for 3 years and its not easy and i just wanna quit atime but its still going strong and we are working hard to maintain some balance. I really love your piece its like youre talking to me directly
Thank you @tomboy. I hope it all works out for you two and you get to be together soon.
Strong plans for the future
I knew a couple where the husband worked in Russia and the wife worked in NYC. They saw eachother once a month and both were very happy. It's definitely a one of a kind story but proof that long-distance relationships can work. This was of course a temporary setup. I believe any long-distance relationship has to have a rough timeline as to when the couple can get back together otherwise both sides wont see a point in the relationship if they know they will not be together in the foreseeable future
Exactly! If there's a set plan to be together in the near future, it makes a lot more sense. Thank you for your comment.
Dear, Some time it can work batter.
Greetings from Berlin-
Very goodd post you schould write a Book.
H,G,J0shi
Thank you so much @ayurvedajoshi
I couldn't agree more, there should always be that rock hard commitment and trust for it to work out. Thanks for sharing this @corina.
Thank you for your kind comment @lucisuidicium
Communication and trust are necessary in any relationship, but especially in long distance relationships. I am kind of seeing someone that lives about 5 hours away but I have thought about moving to be closer to him. I am scared of moving so far away from my friends here but I think he is worth taking a risk on. So, we shall see what happens. Best of luck to you!
Ivy
That sounds very exciting and scary @socent. I wish you best of luck and I really hope it works out for you two. Thank you for your comment.
When I saw you were a psychologist I had to pop over read what you're publishing. I'm glad I did. This article really speaks to me because I've kind of had a 5 year long distance relationship with my wife. I'm an over-the-road truck driver oh, and I've been making it home every weekend for the past two and a half years, or at least almost every weekend, but often only for one day. You can imagine what kind of stress this has put on our relationship. Early this year my wife finally had enough and told me she couldn't do it anymore. I'm coming off the road and starting a new job driving locally in two weeks. We both are very excited. And so are the kids. I've been delaying this move for too long. Can't wait to be sleeping in bed every night with her.
Great decision Steve. When you have so little time to be with each other, often tensions add up and it puts a lot of strain on the relationship. Thank you for your comment!
I like the idea that I don't get to see her almost all the time. A long distance relationship would be great. I have never been in one before tho.
Are you on steem.chat @corina?
Great i also love it your posts
in my opinion everything depends on a couple contract if the conditions are set and they are respected the couple will achieve their goals, on the contrary both must be in a balance and emotional maturity to submit to this situation, especially to not get carried away by the despair
Very true. Maturity and respect are crucial. I really appreciate your comment.
Well said precise and straight to the point! A lot of people fail to ask these questions "In today's busy world most of us view unbreakable love as something from a cheesy film and are much more focused on compatibility and attraction. Do we have common interests, do we feel good with each other and how much fun we have in bed are some of the criteria by which we judge our possible partners. Some lucky few claim they experienced the magnificent phenomenon called 'Love at first sight' but we tend to place this on the 'fantasy' shelf as well" at the end of the day some persons are just gliding through, but lessons have been reiterated today.
I really enjoyed this post. One of my lovers is currently on the other side of the world and it's working out pretty good so far. It's almost been a month but we are both polyamorous so he can meet his needs and so can I. Our open communication has definitely helped me feel closer to him. We'll see how it works out. Thanks again for the great post.
I guess the fact that you see each other less often and you get to miss each other also helps. That always makes the meetings better when they do happen. Thank you for your comment!
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@corina Hi. I love this topic as I'm much into researching on psychology and everything that has to do with relationships. Everything you wrote is true and on a personal note I tried a long distance relationship and the thing with me was, in the end, something needs to change in a short period of time, as you always crave for that special someone - the touch, the kiss, and just a simple personal interaction like cooking together etc. I myself was drained by the lack of it. For me, it was a beautiful experience that most certainly I am not the type to do it again :) But if both parties involved have the same wishes and expectations it does change. You have couples who do get through the storm of it and in the end, they make it through.
Thank you for your comment @sasharay. It's great that you figured out what you needed and made the decision to leave the relationship. It's always best to leave than to stay and not be happy. Some couples have a connection that takes them through a lot of battles and even brings them closer.
@corina. Thank you. I realized if two people are really made for each other and want the same thing, they can go through hell and back and as you say, even go stronger! Its all about willingness and connection etc.
thank you for this great post !! I personally experienced long-distance relationship with the women that is today my wife and i feel like the luckiest man on earth. 4672 km (2903 miles) were separating us for nearly 2 years (Italy-Lebanon) till 22 August 2014 where we finally were able to get married and i was able to bring her to Italy where i live. What made our relationship stong was the trust we had and the plans we had put together but mostly trust.
Great publication, everything depends on what finally decides as a couple .. Respect and maturity are very important. regards
It all depends on the people involved. There are people who are so committed to each other and will remain faithful in the absence of their partner. However for those people with an overwhelming need for constant ''physical contact,'' this will not work.
Interesting to read another side of the story