Healing always takes time but the most important thing to remember is that you and your children are the most important thing and those who caused the pain are not worth a moment of your time. You are blessed with your 21 year old son who is wise beyond his years and you should listen to him because he knows and loves you. Value yourself because you should and never ever think you were the cause of what had happened. Finally, your heart may be soft at times but if you never open it, you will never know the full value of life and its joy. Just go with you intuitive gut ! You have a whole lot of living to do. :)