Getting personal, reflecting on my self-neglect

To love is to care...about YOURSELF

As 2017 comes to a close I have been doing lots of reflection which is what most of us tend to do when we realize that we have another year to improve our quality of life by improving our quality of self.

A long time ago I realized I would never stop learning, I would never stop working towards being a better me as long as lived. I am pretty sure this developed as a result of knowing no matter what I took the time to learn in my life, I would never have enough time to learn it all. This was my first understanding of self love why I wanted it, and my first commitment towards it.

Self love has so many elements that allows you to get under the true surface that is you. For me self love was easy to come by considering love is a strong element in my life that I've been so blessed to never been short of. Getting to know yourself takes time, takes stepping out of your proverbial skin and doing some things that are outside of your comfort zone. Somethings really surprise you. Like eating crickets... I actually like to eat crickets, but you better believe I was outside of my comfort zone the first time I ever put this little insect in my mouth.

My biggest challenge is actually taking care of me. I was born with the put everyone else before my own needs gene. I am actually the reason flight attendants tell you to put your mask on first before helping others. After loosing my Sister, then my Father, I started to realize that I would never be my best self if I continued to put everyone else first. I wish I could say I have focused on this and made the right adjustments. I have made improvements however it has also been my biggest struggle with no one to blame but me. Part of having self love I am also forgiving myself for my self neglect, taking action towards growth. I know that presence is important, but the quality of my presence needed the wake up of this reflection.

So what am I reflecting on currently in regards to my self neglect?

My diet, my fitness, my personal time & my spirituality.

Me taking the time to do these things allows me to improve on the quality of my presence in my own life and the people who matter to me. Mostly instead of actually doing things, I stress about things that aren't moving me forward, things that are holding me back for no good purpose. I think we all do this from time to time.

I have had so many highlights on personal growth this year and truthfully it has been an emotional roller-coaster of abundance & joy. My partner supports and encourages me in whatever aspect of life I want to explore. I hope I offer him the same because I never thought that focusing on yourself could be so hard. Especially when you have the support & you know the people around you want you to do the best you can! I especially never realized how bad I was at it. When I was single, I focused only on myself, after reflecting on this for a while, I felt pretty silly for allowing myself to slip back into old habits being in a relationship.

After all the single self loving person he met was the person he fell in love with. So why do I find it so hard to make time for my needs. Self neglect is so much easier than tending to my needs. When I do something for someone else it brings me great joy. Why don't I get that same joy from doing things for myself? Why do I almost have this sense of guilt to spend time with myself and on myself . More reflecting on that, I realized that I still have no clue why I feel guilt or why I don't make it a priority. I do get joy from doing things for myself, it's just not the same. I think my biggest issue is communicating this to myself and the people in my life. I matter and need to matter to my schedule as well.

After all it takes work to plan a healthy balance. Even the people who write about it spend their life trying to accomplish it. Lately I have been organizing all this self reflection into lists that are helping me slay everyday! I am pretty impressed with my work and know that if I can manage to stick to the balance that I have been working on. I will finally be able to move on from my self neglect next year and focus my growth in bigger and better ways.

I will share my lists with you all as soon as I make them pretty! Mostly I want to share with you how I came up with them so that you can start reflecting on your own lists. What are your responsibilities / chores / must do's items? What type of things could improve your relationships with the important people in your life? What are things you do for yourself when you vision your best you ? What are things you want to do or goals you want to set ? What type of people do you want to meet?

We all neglect ourselves in different ways. I started this journey by asking myself; what ways do you neglect yourself? How are you going to improve that? Hopefully asking yourself some of the questions I've been asking myself lately will help you become a better you.