An Honest Moment

I’ve been contemplating when this would come up and it just hasn’t felt right. I read a post by @anomadsoul last week where he was just freewriting. I loved it and I personally had never done that before. Not until tonight...

It’s 11:51 pm currently, and I just got home from seeing Antman & the Wasp. It was a ton of fun and I really enjoyed it. But before I go any further I’m going to rewind today a bit.

My day started off like any other recent day. I thought how much I hate leaving my dogs when I go to work. I despise it. They are getting older and while overall ok right now, I know that there are many more days of us together that are behind us than ones that lie ahead. That scares the hell out of me and while a bit morbid, it’s something I cannot shake and it reminds me daily.

I left for work and once there got into the swing of things. My business partner is away seeing family in Florida so I’m manning the shop on my own for the week. Well, I have my guy James that helps us out in the shop a few days a week. He’s a tremendous help and I’m lucky to have him. I consider him a friend and we always laugh and have good coversation while working together.

It was a busy day. I had two fellas from Maryland come in and spend a nice chunk of change on some Elephantmen comics and a few Funko Pops. One dude bought a $500 Aquaman piece. I donated one of our Exclusive Harley Quinn Pops to be given away in a contest for his Toy Facebook Group he runs. He seemed super appreciative and invited me into the group. I joined and received a warm welcome from the members there. That was cool. They were both solid dudes and I look forward to seeing them again.

One of my favorite customers came in. Marty is definitely up there. He’s a retired major radio personality in the area and is one of the nicest guys around. We joke around and try to make each other laugh constantly. He fucked his leg up and came hobbling in with a cane today. We joked about that and I got him to belly laugh. Like a deep and hearty laugh. That felt fantastic. No greater feeling than making someone truly break down and burst into laughter.

Once it slowed down a bit, I stepped out and snagged lunch while James manned the shop. Just some chicken strips. No matter what I was gonna eat it was going to destroy my stomach today. The tummy gods shined their dim flickering light on my belly a lifetime ago and I have been living with Crohn’s since. It’s been ok for the most part in recent months until the last week or so where it’s been demolishing me daily and it drains me both physically, mentally, and I’m sure even emotionally...

I got back to the store and finished my day there a few hours later. I’m thinking about tomorrow night. After work, my wife and I are going to see the Foo Fighters. It’s the first concert in ages that I’m mega pumped to see. I’ve been a tremendous fan and I’ve never seen them, so I’m really jonesing for tomorrow evening. My wife bought the tickets in the fall I believe. She’s so amazing and I love her more each day. I’m really lucky to have her as well.

All in all it’s a good day. I’m tired but all went well. I got home and sat down for a few where I opened Facebook to respond to some messages there. 7:30pm and that's where the night went to a weird place for me. Breaking news from the Hollywood Reporter. Steve Ditko...dead at 90.

My heart stopped. I panicked a bit as I opened google and typed in his name. Nothing else came up. Was this one of those hoaxes that desperate attention seeking assholes post about celebrities? Like that one about Jackie Chan falling off a cliff doing a stunt? Please be fake. It’s gotta be bullshit. But...wouldn’t they pick someone that EVERYONE knows? Ditko is definitely not a household name.

Then I click back to the article. I look at the time it was published. 7:29pm. It was 7:32. This just broke. The story literally just broke. I surf Facebook quickly. I start seeing it spread. I see Neil Gaiman’s twitter post about it. It’s true. My already knotted up stomach cramped harder and tighter.

Now I’m going to pause for a moment here to explain who Steve Ditko is to anyone not familiar. He’s the other party responsible for creating Spider-Man along with Stan Lee. I’m not going into the drama of that all as there is a story there as well, but this man is responsible for drawing Spider-Man at his incarnation.

Spidey is, has been, and always will be my favorite superhero. What those guys created has been something that has brought so much joy and fun to my life ever since I was a kid and has stayed with me daily.

I have been talking about writing him a letter for over a year. He responds to his mail. People say he hates being bothered and I think that’s probably partially true. But I also think he enjoyed having dialogue with people. I’ve spoken to several people who wrote letters to him and received corespondence back. I think if he truly hated it, he wouldn’t have responded at all...but he did.

I’ve been wanting to write him for a while. I even started it a couple times just to push it aside to “do it later”. Now, it was too late. I fucked up. Someone I wanted to have just one moment with...even through snail mail, was now gone.

It made me reminisce of last summer when dragged my wife to New York to a small museum. It was housing The Art of Spider-Man exhibit featuring a ton of original artwork from all sorts of Spidey’s various titles throughout the years. Mainly, The Amazing Spider-Man and featuring several of Ditko’s pages which are literally ghosts in the world of Original Comic Art.

Standing next to those and seeing them directly in front of me was an amazing and unforgettable experience. It was history but to me it was so much more. I envisioned him back in 1966, penciling these iconic pages for issue #33 that I stood before. He had no idea the phenomenon that lied ahead. He couldn’t have possibly envisioned it, yet...there I was...in awe of something he created. I’m thankful for that experience. I regret never writing him but I am grateful I got to feel the literal chills down the back of my neck as I stood next to greatness, taking in his remarkable masterpieces.

My eyes welled up a bit as I came out of my daydream and I wiped a tear. I walked over to my wife and told her the news. She apologized as she knew that it was weighing on me. I just wanted to not think about it so I thought seeing a movie would take my mind off of things for a bit. What better way to do that than by watching a Marvel movie. My wife was extremely tired after a long hard day at work so she stayed home as I flew solo to the theater.

While driving I started humming that Chris Cornell song, Nearly Forgot My Broken Heart. Absolutely beautiful song with a haunting melody. Check it out if you are unfamiliar. I pulled it up and listened while driving. I think I played it 3 times before seeking the video where I found out that YouTube removed the original video. It’s on Vimeo and that’s where I watched it. If you have seen it I’m sure you’ll agree....Pretty eerie given the circumstances. It made me sadder thinking how he is gone as well. Man this fuckin night turned into a total bummer. I couldn’t wait to watch the movie and just not be in my own head.

I pull up and try to use my MoviePass to which I find out that it’s not working. So I buy my ticket for the first time in a while. MoviePass has been fantastic by the way. If you see a bunch of films...get it. I read online that they will reimburse for this so I’ll contact them tomorrow and figure that out. No biggie.

I go up to the counter to get a soda and pretzel bites with cheese. The pretzel bites kinda blow as they just microwave them but I wanted something neutral for my stomach. Pretzels are always good for that. After I pay and I’m waiting they inform me that they are out of cheese. “Fuck it all”, I thought in my head...super dramatically like a spoiled young brat. Reality set in quickly to remind me of perspective and I walked to my seat kinda feeling silly and ashamed of myself for throwing a brief mental tantrum in my head, over the absence of kinda sorta warm liquid cheese.

Right before the movie started, my phone alerts started going off like crazy. It was Steemit notifications from the @blockbrothers app, Steemify. A bunch of folks upvoted my post about Ditko’s passing that I put up the minute I saw it at 7:30. https://steemit.com/marvel/@blewitt/steve-ditko-co-creator-of-spider-man-sadly-passed-away

Weirdly enough even though I know a bunch of that was stupid bots, it made me smile briefly that someone was seeing it. It almost felt like a proper send off in my mind...seeing a bunch of folks...or most likely robots, celebrate him just moments before I watch a film about super heroes. Super heroes that most likely wouldn’t have even existed, without his monumental contribution of Spider-Man.

Ok. Movie is starting. Mind is clear. I’m ready to smile and laugh again...