I have no idea what Doula training is but from the context it seemed like you were filing out a cv for her....which I must admit would be quite a risky move considering your penchange for....."colorful" metaphors.

Reminds me of a time in college when I turned in a paper to my prof under a fake name and it was written specifically to push all the buttons that I knew would annoy him - it worked perfectly. Turned out he didn't look at names before grading so as not to be biased and had no idea the paper he was reading was a fake. He was so flustered by it that he put it down on the bottom of the stack to save for last he was so annoyed by it. He finally found out it was a joke once he got to the end as things got beyond unrealistic, he did end up getting a good laugh out of it.