Is there a part within us that remains the same and another part that shapes over time?
I have the feeling that a lot of people are bothered with who they have become. More than that, there are people who are uncomfortable with who they are no longer. I began to realize that in the countless conversations I had about it friends and then pondering about it. The impression is reinforced in testimonies in social medias, courses, workshops or meetings that I participate.
For me, the source of this nuisance is the abandonment of one's essence, that part that should remain the same throughout life. I translate this essence as our inner child or our true personal values.
At the same time, I believe that there is another part of us that absorbs the world around us, shapes itself according to the events and experiences we experience. Many times we change ourselves to adapt better to world around us, but the problem is that we don't know exactly how to separate adaptation and letting go who we are.
Much of the discomfort with who we become comes from the failure to fulfill the endless, gigantic expectations we have created about ourselves. To exacerbate this situation, from a few generations to now, the so-called "dictatorship of success" has prevailed socially, and more recently the "dictatorship of purpose". Both increasing the pressure on everyone to show more "results" and shout to the four winds the full certainty of each chosen path.
But achieving "success" and achieving all these "results", despite so many tools and easy access to information is no a simple task. Also it is getting clearer every day that achieving them is no guarantee of happiness, fulfillment or well-being.
We have to pay attention when journeying costly in the pursuit of these ideals. When costs are our health, family, friendships or attitudes that put our values and our essence in check we must be careful and evaluate.
It is difficult to look back and notice a huge distance between where we arrived and the ideal path. But we need to do something to deal with the sense of disruption, discomfort with who we become or the feeling that something is lacking.
So what about separating essence and experiences to make it easier to deal with those feelings?
If our life could compare to a house, the foundation would be our essence, the inner child or our values. That is, the base, something practically immutable ... The bricks and tiles would be the experiences that we have. In order to have a beautiful house it is necessary to organize bricks and tiles. We must know that each thing has its place, and that if we do not organize we will not have a beautiful house but a pile of rubble.
If you stopped to be who you were, to find your essence again, a great way is to listen more to your inner child and to respect it. Give "yes to yes" and "no to no", fulfilling what your values require to remain intact. With this, the feeling of gratitude only tends to grow and confidence in oneself is strengthened.
About experiences, it is crucial to have good sense and care when interpreting each event that you experience. By filtering and analyzing each of these events, it is possible to compose a repertoire that helps you to walk and avoid repetition of certain errors. A negative experience, for example, can mean a trauma to one or a great learning for others, depends only on how we view the situation.
Knowing that many people from different parts of the world feel the same, is in a way a relief to this discomfort, because after all we are all here to evolve and to learn. The essence really needs to be maintained, respected ... because that's what builds our oneness. Experiences fill and color our lives, give dynamism and provide the challenges that turn out to be our greatest fuel. So, how about using them as stories that teach us or as steady steps in our evolution? It's like that phrase that says: "The past should not be a hammock, but a springboard!"
Great subject! I feel and have observed many times that people are pretty different after about 3 years. In a sense that is normal, people mature through their life experiences but also they build an identity based on what they want people to think.
One of the easiest ways to see this in when you are introduced to someone new : often the first way a person describes themself is by telling you what they do as a job. If you think about it that is a pretty shallow way to describe a person ... and then what happens if they get fired? Are they a different person ?
The fun thing about going backpacking for a long while in that you get to rewrite and re invent yourself, exactly because you are with strangers who have no expectations !
I agree. Also because you are away from people of your circle, people from work you see everyday, family and friends. I really believe that people around us can influence the way we perceive ourselves and the way we behave. The moment we are by ourselves in a different environment we get to meet our true self without the masks we wear everyday unconsciously to meet people expectations.
I don't know how to define myself or other people. What do you draw from to be able to make a concise summary? As soon as I think I can make a statement about myself I realize ways that it isn't true. What do you think some of the most important things are to ask yourself when trying to find out who you are? Like @the-traveller says people often first describe themselves by their job but this is a pretty shallow way to do it.
I agree with @the-traveler. And I guess the way society is established is exactly to erase our identity. To make us see ourselves and our value by how we contribute to it. Most of the things we do in life are to achieve social expectations. Go to college, find a job that makes good money even if we don't like it that much, get married, pay taxes. It's easy to set our mind in the automatic pilot and just go with the flow to wherever life takes us.
"What do you think some of the most important things are to ask yourself when trying to find out who you are?" Maybe just ask ourselves why we do the things we do. If the answer is not "because I love it" then we know we need to make some changes. Because contrary to what we think, we are not forced to do anything in this life. There's no need to lie to ourselves doing things we don't like, being who we are not. Sometimes we just have to break paradigms and remove the layers on us, then we'll end up finding our true self, our true essence to follow an easier and more pleasant path.
Thank you for such a complete answer. This is an important topic for me even though I thought it was cliche drivel for a long time. Now the problem of who to be and what to do are smacking me right in the face. I like your perspective.
Good post! Upvoted! :)
Thank you!!
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