I really enjoyed that, humbled. Thanks for sharing!
To me, it resonates as a good reflection of how a lot of people with a belief in the afterlife feels many times. There is a great joy in true faith; a happiness and appreciation for life, but when times get harder (as they always do) a bit of selfishness rises up within the soul.
It would be so much easier to just reach the end goal. The individual has put in their time on earth praising and teaching, so why do they need to be subject to the earthly heartbreak, pain, and ultimate helplessness. Once death comes, they will be free.
And that thought process is pretty well understood and handled by the caveat of suicide is a sin that won't get you into Heaven (as far as I understand it). Being such final act, there is no redemption to be had.
Thank you so very much for the comment. Writing has definetly veen a therapy for me and God has given me many gifts since ive opened myself to him.
I agree with you in regard to suicide being a sin. I have had many weak days but in my weakness i find strength in prayer with God. I only hope my written therapy is something others like yourself will find value in. Thank you again and God Bless You