Guys,I need your opinions on this piece I'm writing.It's my friend's birthday on Thursday and I've decided that I would be presenting him with a framed poetic writing.However,I'm not exactly good at poetry,so I need your opinions on this
To the one and only Okiki
I wish a happy birthday handsomely
it's your day,you can do whatever
Let's rejoice and have a nice day together
Within you,I've found the perfect friend
A person I see a little like me
A mutual relationship so care fee
Shall I call you an Alien Prince?
When you are more awesome than a Quince?
Still as the wind on a hot day
Still as your friendship I will never betray
Your words so mighty and delicate
Each time I hear it makes me meditate
So today,take a photograph
Because it's your day,be happy,smile and laugh
If I could fly,I'd soar high
Grazing heaven above
Trailing a giant banner
Happy birthday to the only Okiki I have.
I'm sorry this is so late; I think your friend 's birthday has come and gone. I like the poem but since you asked for feedback, 😊
The word 'handsomely ' should probably be just 'handsome '. Since I think it's meant to modify the unnamed noun 'you'.
Also, the line 'I think I see a little like me' maybe change 'like' to 'of'. It is a colloquialism but it's very flattering to say this to some one so good choice. 👍🏽
I hope this helps. I like the poem and always love reading original content.
Take care.
Thanks,he actually liked it