Between pleasure and happiness .. How to control our emotions?

According to psychological research, the outlook for the event is often more emotionally strong than the event itself. The dread of asking for a salary increase from your boss paralyzes you and may last for months, but in the end, once you do, it ends before you notice. You can become agitated to get to something or achieve a goal and Suasia, but after you have achieved your desire soon, you get bored and look for something else. "We're buying things to be happy, and we're succeeding, but only for a short time," said Dr. Thomas Gilowicz, a psychologist at Cornell University.

Interestingly, your mind can seduce you to such an extent that the idea is more pleasing than the same, so you may stop at the idea stage and never achieve it. Thus, Ryan Holliday explains in his book Pride is the enemy that the initial obstacle to success is the idea of ​​success.

It's so easy to dream

It's easy for people to talk about your ambitions, and it's easy to make imaginative pictures of your goals. It's easy to stand in front of a mirror and make affirmations. Here most people stop. The dream process is what keeps you from achieving your dreams.

I have imagined it in your mind in such charming detail that you are satisfied enough. I became a drug addict. And fool yourself into believing that you have already accomplished something productive.

Thus, when you try to do the same, you immediately collide with the stone resistance wall. Often, you quickly distract yourself from this discomfort through some form of momentary pleasures. However, Robert Green explains in his book Mastery, that you can learn to love this inner resistance. "You find a strange pleasure in overcoming the pain that this may bring," he says.

How do you get out of this impasse?

In his book, Living with a Marine, Jesse Etzler tells the story of being touched by a Marine, and then invites him to live in his house for a month. Eitzler admitted that he was a personal predicament and wanted to get himself out of his usual system.

Day One: Soldier Eitzler asked: "How many times can you perform a mental exercise?", Eitzler performed eight weak wits. "Take 30 seconds of rest and do it again," the soldier said. After 30 seconds, Eitzler led six people, suffering. The soldier said, "Take 30 seconds and do it again." After 30 seconds, Eitzler only led three, and at that point his arms were exhausted. The soldier declared: "Well, we will not leave until 100 others lead." Eitzler was perplexed, "Well, we'll be here for a long time, because I will never be able to perform 100," but he finally managed to complete the challenge, one by one, and thus convinced the soldier that he could do much more than he thought.

The principle that the soldier taught him is what he calls a 40% rule. Basically, it means that people feel they have reached their maximum mental and physical capacity, and so they stop, while in fact they only reach 40% of their actual capacity. It is disturbing when you pass this 40% stage, and so the soldier's slogan "If it's not annoying, we do not do it."

The strength of endeavors that are based on achieving the goals

"Pain is a kind of challenge that your mind offers - will you learn how to focus and get bored, or give up like children to the need for immediate pleasure and distraction?" Says Robert Green.

Like Eitzler, who broke a mental barrier by completing several hundred, you can also get out of your hole by pursuing concrete goals.

The idea is: do something and do not stop until you complete it, whatever time it takes. Your goal is to learn how to achieve difficult things without distracting yourself constantly. What she wants is to develop what Green calls "strange fun" in going through the internal conflict and sitting down with him.

This idea is inherent in the crossover game. Unlike most people, who check their smartphones among the "groups" of the exercises, in the crossover game you have a specific goal that kills yourself until you complete it. If it is not troublesome, we do not do it.

You can apply this principle to anything and everything, you can commission my home and keep it up to completion, or you can write an essay and stick to it until it's published, or you can perform 100 of the exercise workout, or run 5 miles, and continue running until you finish . Who cares about the time it takes?

The greatest opportunity in history

In his book, Deep Work: Rules for Success in a Fragmented World, Cal Newport says:
"The ability to perform deep work is increasingly rare at the same time that it has become more valuable in our economy. As a result, the few that develop this skill, And then make it the core of her working life, will flourish. "

Without a doubt, we live in the most chaotic time in human history. It is almost impossible to focus on one task for more than a few minutes at a time

The law of opposites has an effect. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. While most of the world has become increasingly distracted, a select few are taking advantage of this fact. The gap widens between spirituality and secularism - even though they are synonymous.

"The average is over," says economist Tyler Cowan. The middle class is over, either you are among the select few that thrive, or you are like most dispersed, overweight, and suffering people.

it's your choice

When it becomes troublesome, do you withdraw? Or continue to do and finally enjoy satisfaction with development and success?

Anything worth doing will be troublesome at first, ie, that requires pain and sacrifice, and here lies the problem facing America, originally built on the morality of emotion control. What has once been a country full of people sacrificing the momentary pleasure for a better future has now become the overriding message of living now.

That's exactly what people do. They live at this moment. Thus, when what they do becomes troublesome or difficult, most of them withdraw. Most people indulge in temporary satisfaction at the expense of a better future.

To make matters worse, the double reality of today's culture is "love yourself for what you are." The self-esteem movement that has proliferated in the late 20th century is a huge contribution to the success of America.

People learn to love themselves regardless of their performance, and so, they justify the mediocrity. Yet Asian and other immigrant groups, often considered less self-sufficient, consistently outnumber self-respecting Americans.

Unlike the rest of the world where hard work is a virtue, the frequent phrase in America is "Do not work too hard!" Success these days is getting the most you can get with the least amount of work.

In a book, The Triple Pack: How Three Features Explain Excluding the Rise and Fall of American Cultural Groups, Amy Chua and Jed Rosenfeld explain that most successful people not only control their emotions but also have an implicit sense of inadequacy.

In a book, The Triple Pack: How Three Features Explain Excluding the Rise and Fall of American Cultural Groups, Amy Chua and Jed Rosenfeld explain that most successful people not only control their emotions but also have an implicit sense of inadequacy.

These people may have confidence, but they remain unsure of themselves. They have a burden on their dependents because they are persecuted in some way. So they continue to push themselves, no matter how successful they are, to prove themselves. They are never satisfied with what they have achieved, and they have a feeling of inadequacy.

These particular qualities are rewarded in today's economy because they are extremely rare. Again, few people control their emotions, but instead live for the moment. Few people, especially in America, have a sense of inferiority, but the majority have believed the myth that you must first love yourself before you become successful.

Bullshit
True trust is gained, gained through success, not through the desire to succeed. This is confirmed by analytical research.

True trust arises when you push yourself to continue disturbing things. The longer you sit with the boredom, the pain and the hardship - and the more you do something useful, the more confident and successful you become. "You're rewarded for the work you're already doing, not the promises you give," Ryan Holliday said in an interview with Lewis Hughes.

Work performance is difficult

Being in high physical condition is tough. Building deep and committed relationships is almost impossible, and most marriages end with divorce. All these things are "annoying", at least initially, and in their moment. But if they were not, they would not have been worth it. You can certainly learn to endure the immediate hardship of adopting a life worth living. If you are stuck in a hole like Etzler, challenge yourself to achieve a certain goal, whatever time it takes.

Have fun or happiness
"Life that does not include hard-earned achievements and triumphs over obstacles may not be a satisfactory life." There is something sick - even and exciting - in doing the hard things very well, there is joy and pride that comes from pushing yourself to another level or across new borders. The life dedicated to the present only - to the feeling of satisfaction in the present - will probably not achieve true gratification, present in itself a very small, very hollow time, all in need of a future, something beyond and beyond the current satisfaction, .

True happiness - joy - is fundamentally different from instantaneous pleasure. We do not say that instant pleasure is inherently bad, but it often stands in the way of something more realistic and lasting.

Anything worth doing brings comfort that can not be distracted, do not give in to resistance, endure difficulties. Then you will find the joy that will not get those who stop.

"Happiness leaves no bad taste, no frustrating reaction, no regrets, no regrets, real happiness reverberates in memory, always with a renewal of original goodness, a moment of pleasure may be left and a poke," says geologist James Talmag. Painful, permanent source of pain. "