Life as an anarchist is not an easy path, but we do not follow it because it is easy. We follow it because it is moral. We follow it because we cannot ignore the mountains of evidence suggesting that the state is an unnecessary evil.
It can be a lonely path. We are likely surrounded only by the political left or right, fighting just to keep some middle ground. We are often insulted, ridiculed, and even disowned by friends we’ve had for years simply for standing up for our beliefs.
Many of us not only believe in a stateless society, but hold other “fringe” beliefs as well, which further the attacks against us.
So how do we deal with the emotional toll of being an anarchist in a statist’s world? I'm not talking about cyber-bullying, or being offended- we all know words can't hurt us. But isolation can. Humans are very social creatures, and not being part of the “herd” can be stressful and exhausting. We all want to belong. And after investing years into friendships, to watch those friendships crumble takes an emotional toll, regardless of how “lone wolf” you say you are.
“In the land of the blind it’s a crime to exist with an eye” -Jordan Page
The best thing you can do for your own well-being is to weed out the people who do not benefit or respect you.
We hear often that respect is “earned.” We are not “owed” respect, but rather earn it after showing our character to others and proving over time that we are honest, moral, deliberate, conscious humans. Thus when we bring fresh ideas, new concepts, and philosophical arguments to a friendship, if you have earned their respect over time, those ideas should be digested with that respect in mind, to be analyzed consciously and argued with a level of civility. This does not mean that to respect a person you have to agree with everything they believe in. You can respect them while still disagreeing. In fact, in order to maintain the friendship you should be able to have a respectful debate about any subject.
But we are told not to discuss politics or religion in polite company. This is a ridiculous notion, and one that breeds stagnant relationships between people. How much of a friendship do you really have if all you do is eat and drink together, and have only trivial conversations about daily tasks, or previous experiences together? That does not take respect! That is no more than simply existing in the same space.
However it’s no wonder that this is hard concept to grasp in today’s society. We are taught to respect powers of authority without question. This makes us less inclined to confrontation, and more out of practice at critical and individual thought.
When I first became vocal on social media and in my everyday life about libertarianism (and not much later, anarchism), I was greeted by unexpected personal insults from “close” friends, even blatantly telling me they don’t respect me because of my criticism of the necessity of government, or because of certain people I follow. Because they are not practiced at independent thought, if they do not agree with these individuals entirely, they disregard EVERYTHING they say, (and I say) rather than being able to deliberately agree with specific ideas.
Pro tip of the day: If a person doesn’t respect you enough after years of friendship to hear you out and to respond to your ideas with critical thought, they will never respect you, and you have outgrown the friendship.
I’ve been told that I’ve changed. Usually people want to blame this on your spouse, or “new” people you hang out with, saying that they’ve influenced your opinion and you are no longer the same person. Can there be any level of disrespect higher than this? You think so little of me that you believe I have just been overtaken by other people’s opinions and somehow my “self” got lost in it? Isn’t it possible that I have grown, evolved, educated myself, and came to these conclusions on my own? I thank every person in my life who has introduced me to new ideas, but many of them have been rejected, and each conclusion I have come to is my own.
Look back on each friendship with criticism, and ask yourself why you became friends in the first place. How has this friendship benefited you? Every relationship has to be beneficial to each party or it becomes dysfunctional and disproportionate. If you find that the reason you became friends in the first place is no longer relevant, or can’t remember the last time this person did something that benefited you- it’s time to cut the strings. If you find the opposite, try, try again. You don’t need your friends to agree with you completely, and it can be an emotional experience for statists when they are faced with facts that disrupt their version of reality. Give them another chance to listen without reacting emotionally.
I’m not suggesting you post some emotional outburst on facebook rejecting all of your statist friends, (come on we've all been there), and you don’t have to go out of your way to tell them, “I’m ending our friendship!” But if they ask, be honest, be kind, be respectful. Make sure they know it’s not because they have different opinions, but because of how they reacted to your ideas.
Surround yourself with people who challenge, support, and respect you.
And to the rest of them:
loving freedom, in particular has been a lifelong lonely path, because most people like the warmth of the herd.
I think this is a really nicely written piece, and I think what you say here is very important:
Being dismissed for something you believe in doesn't feel good. I think everyone knows this, but a lot of people forget about this when they are doing the dismissing and not receiving it. Anyway, good post!
Thank you, I think it is so easy to get caught up in feeling hurt that it's easy to want to lash out, but it's even more important for anarchists not to get caught up in this than other people. We represent a small movement and it it is one of peace, not anger!