"Common Tunde, take it easy on yourself after all been positive doesn't mean the end of the world." These words came out so freely from tope's mouth. It seemed so normal to tope when she was making this statement. It was like she was trying to console one of her patients in the hospital. But to me, it seemed like my whole world was crashing right in front of me at that very moment while I was anxiously waiting for the result.The same me that boldly went to the hospital in 2003 for a free HIV test that was organised by my church, was still that same me that was almost dying while I was waiting today for the result of the test my friend Tope conducted for me in her room. How on earth was I going to tell my parents that their only son is HIV infected? or how was I going to live with the guilt that I have infected others with this deadly disease?
I was the causative agent of this fear that was almost taking my life even before my fate was decided.

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It all started when I went for my compulsory six month SIWES experience in Port-harcourt. I stay in Abuja while I school in Obafemi Awolowo University Osun state and this made my stay in Port-harcourt look like ALICE IN WONDERLAND. I was alone in a new world entirely where different things looked strange to me. It wasn't like I have not seen similar happenings in other places but I noticed that the morals in Port-harcourt was extremely low and this made it worse than other places have stayed. The rate of indecent dressings, kidnappings, killings, and several other societal deliquescence was high in Port-harcourt.Due to my nature of job, and the fact that I was able to mind my own business, I was able to scale through all these vices but while on the brink of total escape, i got caught by the web of indecent dressing when I was almost rounding up.

That fateful Saturday evening, we were on a public holiday so I did not go to work. I got so bored because there was no light through out the day so when it was evening, I decided to go to an hotel close by to take fresh air and also eat pepper soup. If only I had known that I was going to meet up with my waterloo, then I would have stayed in my house. When I got to the hotel, there was a party going on so the place was very lively. I took a sit by the bar and ordered for a bottle of heineken drink which I was drinking while accessing the different girls that were dancing. As the devil will have his way that day, I caught a glimpse of a sexy looking pretty damsel.

If only she was a dark lady, maybe I might have been safe but this girl is someone I will compare with the goddess of the sun. Her skin glowed even in the dark. Am not exaggerating. She is a light skinned figure 8 lady. That day, she was wearing a micro mini skirt with a matching crop top. Her cleavages got me tensed. I did not know when I left my sit and went to ask her if I could dance with her. Lo and behold, she was blushing even at my slightest approach to her and I was feeling my self not knowing that she was a KARASHIKA. We danced a bit and then we got talking. Before a little while, we knew everything about each other and to my greatest surprise, we smooched on our first night together. That night marked the beginning of our sex escapade.

Her name is queen, an Akwa Ibom girl that resides in Port-harcourt. She got so attached to me and so we were together most times when I got back from work. She made go through a better world of sex and I was always wanting more not knowing I was only digging a grave for my self. Many a time, I requested to use a condom but she disagreed stating the fact that it was not sweet and I concurred to this because I was far too much in love with what I was eating. About two months later into my wallowing in the pit of hell, she called to tell me she was pregnant and all she needed was money to abort it. I did not really care if she was telling the truth or not because my reputation was at stake so I gave her 15k and asked her never to let us cross paths again. Some weeks later, I noticed I have grown too addicted to her and could not stop thinking about her so I called her back and we continued from where we stopped.

Saying goodbye was something I could not afford but I just had to go back to school. That night was the last time I heard queen's moaning sound. The second semester of my final year was when the depression started. "My guy you sure say you never get HIV because this one wey you just dey thin any how". My friends were always using this to tease me but unknowingly to them, i was hurt inside because i got an information from my friends in Port-Harcourt that Queen was infected so this made me finally go for the most dreaded HIV test. Finally, tope broke the news to me that i was positive and all i could do was laugh. I could not wait for her to give me those motivational talks that i can live well with the disease so i ran out immediately and headed for my hostel.

I broke into tears while i read the diary beside my already dead brother. He could no longer bear the fact that he was positive and almost the whole school knew about it so he poisoned himself. He left us without considering the pains he is injecting into our lives. I can feel his pains but it wasn't enough reason to take his life. One careless night ruined his life forever. If only i could turn back the hands of time, i would let him know that;
Aids is real so always use protection
Sucide is never an Option

RIP TUNDE