I've been sober from alcohol since April 9, 2012. I realized I lost control every time I drank. Or, if I tried to control it, I didn't enjoy it. I'm glad I realized alcoholism is a disease that doesn't go away - but it goes into remission by not having that first drink.
I am the same- when I try to control it, I don't enjoy it. All I can focus on is wanting more and not enjoying what I have or had. So if I can't just enjoy a few, I will not allow myself any.