Have you ever gone or considered going to Alcoholics Anonymous? It has helped me stay sober for quite a long time. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but your story seems very similar to others I have heard through the years in AA. It might be something to consider. Good luck on your journey.
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thank you for the support. I actually haven't looked that deep into AA because i wasn't sure if mine was like a huge addiction since i don't do it everyday.. but maybe its something to consider