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RE: #killthepad CHALLENGE WEEK #5/FAMILY / FromLaNada

in #killthepad7 years ago

Yoooo, dope new comer!

I really liked the content, was really cool and on point... Your word choices and rhymes were really nice, and you definitely have a grasp on slant rhymes as well as multi syllable rhyme schemes...

I think the weak point of this would be the structure... Seems a bit all over the place. I'd really like to see a solid bar structure.

Ex.

Not everybody knows what it really means, at least not me, when im meant to be
mentally clean, of all doubts, flashback dreams, of old pics with a hashtag, #team...
yea team might be the first definition i give to it,
it's a gift roulette, your blessed, might act careless , when your bruised with stress
it's all part of the progress, a game of chess,
show love they at the next door, they never left
life's a bitch and then you die, but today we reminisce
so today I write a list, or write a disc, remember this
lifes to short, moms and paps getting older
day by day they aint the same, look at their sholders
they carry that heavy folder of memories go an help her
...Tell her that you love her...
don't do it for the fame, do it for the fam
that's the master plan , they always stand besides you, they never ran.
so when we talk about family, just read the fifth week of #killthepad,
maybe the family you have, many people wish they had
or the family you had, you'll still wish to say you have.

Now, I do think some of these bars are pretty stretched, so I'd say you should shorten them a bit... It's all about the syllables, how many syllables can you fit into each bar. That all depends on the BPM of the song, your flow, etc. So work on getting the structure to be closer to real bar structure and try a bit more to keep the bars nice, neat, and compact.

Appreciate you dropping this dude! Really happy you participated! Next competition starts tomorrow, hope to read some more!

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i got u bro , just have to say i don't rap on inglés bro , the bars are perfect metrics over the beats bro , but thanks , saute!

I understand that you are writing it over the beat and it fits... But it's still not written in bar structure.

For "tell her that you love her," to fill an entire bar, the instrumental would have to be at a stupid fast BPM.

By figuring out real bar structure, it will only help you in the long run... Same reason why you don't need to be big into music theory to be a producer, but it will most definitely help. I know plenty of rappers who don't write in bars, and are some of the sickest MCs I know... but that's not to say that knowing bar structure wouldn't help them that much more.

word is bond bruh no doubt