Yes at that age we really need mirrors! Actually, maybe we always do at any age. And you're so right - friendships are so important. I think that I've loved and still love friends even more than lovers! It's different, but when I've lost a friend it's taken me years to recover and a hole is left that just can't be filled. It's not about being gay, but just because I too need my friends, love them so much. I'm so sorry you lost your dearest best friend....
I think one of the reasons my travels back then weren't as rich as I'd hoped was that I was desperately lonely too. I had friends but they weren't with me, I was traveling alone and yes I made new friends on my travels but it isn't the same as those friends who knew me and I knew them. Anyway, I have hope that you'll find a real true close heart to heart friend again.There is plenty of life left to live and you're amazing, cheers to that!