I'm sorry to hear your back's been causing you so much trouble. Hope it's doing better soon! My wife also suffers from chronic pain due to an old knee injury years ago (she slipped and fell on a wet floor). It's weird how randomly life throws curve balls at you like that, which you can never see coming.

For my wife, some days are better than others. On days when we go out for some family adventure, after we get home her whole leg tends to ache and make it hard for her to sleep at night. Other times the pain is so bad she can barely walk. And yeah, at such times it's a real struggle for her to stay civil with me, but I try to be understanding and brush off any harsh words.

Massages tend to work great for temporarily relieving her pain. She goes for massage therapy every other week or so, and sometimes I give her massages when I get home after work. My technique isn't that great, but I try to follow some tips she got from her masseuse, and she says it does help so I'm just glad I can do something for her.

I don't know if a gentle massage would have the same effect on your back, but it might be worth a try if you've got somebody who can do that for you.