"For someone who preaches about positive thinking and how I've been getting better about it in my own life, I am most definitely underperforming in that department if I look at myself honestly. I'm not being a hypocrite -- I just want to do everything right so badly, for my own sake, that I force it and therefore, brainwash myself."

I feel you. I've been there. In fact, I am there.

All I can say is to chill, take a break and then try to move forward by doing new shit.