FIRST STEEMIT POST

Hey Steemians!
So this is my introductory post and I'd love to share a bit about myself and the journey that gave me a love for writing poetry. Here goes....

My name is Tanya and I am 21 years old, I absolutely LOVE writing poetry, the only thing I love more is my family which includes 2 gorgeous horses and a little funny farm of other pets.

Ever since I was a little (probably 2 years old) I always had a love for everything horses, anything to do with horses I was apart of the conversation. To me, even at such a young age I was mesmerized by their strength and beauty, their ability to tell you exactly what they were saying without speaking. Now my parents didn't have a ton of money and we moved around a lot when I was growing up, so I didn't have a horse of my own. It was my biggest wish in the entire world to be able to own a horse. It was only after my parents separated and I was about 10 years old that I got my very own pony (for Christmas no less!!) It was a dream come true!!

Now you're probably wondering how this all relates to me writing poetry....and trust me it all ties together!

My earliest poems were written about the love of my life at the time, my little rascal pony Joey. In school anytime we were tasked with any writing assignment that's all I wrote about! They probably didn't resemble any "format" for poetry but my love for writing and horses went hand in hand and to me, horses are the most poetic thing I could've written about at that age.

2012 was the year I started seriously writing poetry. It also didn't have any format that resembled anything we were learning in school because I felt that putting guidelines onto my emotions and thoughts wasn't how I would get all my emotions out properly. Now these emotions at the time are what determined my main writing style and themes that I based my poems on (and still do), they were an outlet for my anger and my depression and anxiety.

You see, my dad passed away in 2010 (I was 13 years old), it was an extremely traumatic experience for me and I wasn't able to handle it. I was feeling completely alone in the world and my mom, my friends they all tried their best to comfort me but they didn't know what was going on inside me. I went through many years of severe depression and being medicated for it as well as counselling. Now, at the time I wasn't a very open person and didn't like talking about my feelings with other people, especially other people who's job it was to pry deeper and really get into my mind so I lied to them and told them what they wanted to hear. My real emotions came out in my journaling.

My history of depression was a long one (as many people with depression say), I went through the struggles of self harm and anything to help me get my mind off what was actually happening around me in my life, at this point I strayed away from poetry and everything I really loved. I became distant and completely let myself be controlled for 2 years by my mental illness. After one of many nights where I put myself in the hospital I looked over at my mom sitting beside my bed with my 2 younger sisters and I knew I needed to do something different. I needed to stop my self harm and my attempts at suicide because the last thing I wanted was for my family to have to lose someone else. And so....I got back into poetry.

I started by buying a little notebook and a ridiculous amount of pens (I knew I was going to go through a lot of them). Every time I felt the dark creeping into my mind or I had the urge to self harm, I channeled those emotions and thoughts in my mind and I painted a gruesome picture on paper until my mental clarity wasn't clouded anymore. A lot of my earliest poems from that time tend to be bone chilling and extremely dark, but it worked.

I used writing as a coping mechanism for many years and now when I write, I do it for the pure love of writing. Probably 80% of the poems I write now are still a little dark and brooding because I find that type of writing really uplifting in the way that it reminds me I'm not at that place anymore, that I can appreciate how far I've come but that I can still write about those types of things and make the reader really feel something. I try to make my poetry emotional in the way that it means something different to everyone who reads it and that is what I think poetry is there for.

Poetry makes you feel. Whether those feelings are to just make you feel alive, have a little chuckle, or even make you appreciate the things you have more intensely. I write silly little poems and love poems every now and then as well as poems about beauty and society. I love sharing my poetry just for the sheer enjoyment of letting other people feel.

So that's my journey for how I got started with poetry and why I continue on this path! I hope you guys enjoy my work and everything that it brings to the table for you guys!!!

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my very first Steemit post! I look forward to sharing my passions of horses and poetry with you guys as well.