Deep breaths. Here goes. (1st post!)

Hi!
I’m Laura. And I’m new to Steemit! I’m so excited to have joined, I’ve been looking around and seeing who’s out there, following and upvoting… I love what I’m seeing out there. You guys inspire me.

I’ve been looking to share all the work I’ve been doing for the last several years, and I think this could be the place where I’m most helpful, and appreciated. I’ve found it hard to define myself as any one thing, like other social platforms seem to need you to do. As soon as I “discovered” blockchain for myself, I was hooked. Then when I discovered the people who already knew about it, I was home. If you read my story, 'home' has been something that I had trouble finding until fairly recently. Now I'm grateful for what I've learned and for my happiness today.

So since this is my first post, I wanted to start by telling you who I am. Who I really am. In this post I share the darkest times of my life, because that's where I learned the most, and I created the most change in my life. If you're sensitive, some of this will probably upset you. It's hard to talk about, let alone post. Please be kind.

I really dislike writing about myself, I'd rather just get to the part that I'm comfortable with. I like sharing and teaching, being a software trainer was my favorite of my corporate roles - and I'm anxious to get into that mode here. I think it's important to take a critical look at the things we read, so I want you to know where I'm coming from, before you accept or reject what I share. Everything else after this, will be more about offering what I've learned on this long winded journey of mine. I give you, an unlikely combination of skills that I've acquired, mostly from necessity, that I felt went under served and under discussed in the world at large.

When you get out into the big bad world, you discover quickly that money makes the world go ‘round. There is no shortage of people who can (and will) tell you how to make money. Just go out and do x,y, and z. Easy right? What they don’t tell you is how to change the circumstances of your life so you can actually get to z.

I often wonder, how are new grads supposed to come up with the seed capital to start their venture, AND eat more than just ramen? How is a young family supposed to find the time to spend time with (and teach) their kids, make money and somehow eat organically and exercise, and have a social life… and… and…

So what do we do when we feel overwhelmed? We dull our nerves, try to relax, and somehow usually end up spending money while doing it, making the whole cycle a little worse. And that’s only the people who haven’t become really angry deep down. They have found different outlets for their pain.

This is why I’m absolutely electrified by the blockchain movement. Changing how we transact has the power to change how we act. What is so so freeing about being on Steemit is, I don’t need to try and sell you anything at all here. I get the opportunity for you to tell me if I helped you, without feeling like I have my hand out waiting to be rewarded, or else needing to move on to doing something else with my precious spare time. With every one of the blockchain heroes (as I call them) all heralding the same values Satoshi set forth, I can be free to be myself and give you everything I’ve got.

Before you invest your time in hearing things I should probably leave on a therapist’s couch, here’s what I intend to help with. Life-architecture, as I call it, is consciously creating your life through design, execution, and removing the roadblocks that stand in your way.

What I'll share in post after post, is my own personal collection of exercises, efficiencies, concepts, hacks, philosophies and activities that I’ve used and taught to help bring what we do each day, more in line with the things we want to be doing.

If you have a minute to listen to my story, maybe you can let me know. Maybe I’m a lot like you too, or maybe I’ve learned something that could really help you in your life.

So, if I had to describe myself in a couple words, I’d go with high tech hippie, or business artist. Which I’m sure doesn’t make much sense. I love nature and art, and I studied architecture. I love architecture. I always wanted to be an architect, I knew when I was 8 years old and ever since it was all that I could imagine myself doing. There’s so much to love about Architecture.

I believe in a design approach to life. I design all my life systems as intentionally as I can. From how I manage money, clients, food, laundry... everything. It's all either a life-cycle or a supply chain. (But I'll save that for another time) This might be where you’re starting to think I’m a bit weird, and you’d be right. I’ve always felt like an outsider. Really misunderstood and just wanting to fit in. The world seems to just want to paint everyone with one brush, or put you in one box. You have to be one thing. Easy to understand, so people can group you easily and move on. I never fit into one thing. Ever.

For any kids here, especially those going through changes and having a tough time; I’ll never forget some of the tough times being bullied. All I can say to you is, it feels like forever now, but you’ll blink and you’ll be all grown up and that will be a distant, although sore memory, a faded scar. Just remember, the more you let the hurt fade, the better.

So I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, and when I was growing up, I didn’t get out much. I was under lock and key. I had wonderful parents, they put a lot of effort into keeping me safe. So as soon as I was old enough, I was sprung and I couldn’t get far enough away. I have my own little girl now, so I definitely understand the desire to manage her well-being so, so closely.

I spent much of my childhood in the basement. Sometimes it felt like a dungeon, other times it was my bat-cave of creativity. I was lonely, but I learned a lot. I got my own computer when I was 13 and I lived on it. My dad and I took used parts from discarded machines from his work and built them on our kitchen island. Mom loved that. Haha. What’s funny now looking in hindsight, I’m so grateful I wasn’t able to just go do my own thing as much. I wouldn’t have had so much time to build machines with my dad. I learned so much from him.

As we set up the machines and loaded operating systems, I remember being petrified that I would click something wrong and break my computer. The best thing he ever told me, which surely guided me on my path to techie was “the only way you can break it, is if you hit it with a hammer”. After that, I think I changed every setting I could find, and learned how to keep track of those changes… eventually. We may have formatted that first machine a dozen or more times before we built the next, and the next.

So fast forward through my dismal, angsty teenage years and on to College. I wanted nothing more than to be an architect. But, I failed to see how many years I’d be looking at to gain an MB Arch, which is required to stamp drawings and do much more than lackey work. So, I went the technology route. What an amazing program. I learned more than just how to make a building pretty and stand out, I learned how they worked. Building science was fascinating. It was a grueling nearly 5 years, as many of you know, but I learned the more important thing of all. I learned how to WORK. Working isn’t just studying hard, these classes were project based, and they required you to complete AND please that professor as though they were your client. In advertently, they also managed to teach us how to be successful in an office environment and how to take yourself out of a project and empathize with the person whose opinion truly counts. The person handing out the grades or signing the paychecks. (PS. This is a common theme that I teach regularly)

As I left the academic world and entered the work world, I knew that I didn’t want to be in a position of always waiting for the next paycheck. I did that enough in school already. So on to Oil and Gas work I went. I only worked in the Civil/Structural/Architectural space for about 4 years. I got bullied there too. Bosses who told me to go home and have babies, co workers that sent me porn in my inbox to harass me and see if I could handle being among the guys. It was such a painful time. It made me work harder, but I didn’t realize that it actually made things worse. I took on workloads for other people in my group thinking that using my different skill set to help them would make them accept me. It didn’t.

I still learned a lot from that experience. I grew a thick skin and an uncanny ability to know almost immediately, who had a daughter and who didn’t. Side note, baby boomer aged men with daughters almost always treat women a little differently, usually for the better. What lightens my heart is that with millennials, I can’t tell as easily. I take that as a sign of progress.
I transferred eventually from that small office and on to bigger things. Moved to Alberta where I worked like crazy. In the early 2000’s in Alberta, we used to say that 2 feet and a heartbeat would make you 50k+ a year, and that’s conservative in some cases. The land of milk and honey when multi billion-dollar projects couldn’t be built fast enough. I was just experienced enough to get in on this gravy train, and ambitious enough to ride it as long and hard as I could.

But, I was new to a big city, where I’d basically picked up and bolted to, 3500 kms away from everything I ever knew. I’d grown up taking for granted the easy relationship my parents seemed to have, and the timeline of 20 something was sneaking up on me. I ended up falling for a 6’4” 230lb nightmare, who abused me emotionally, mentally and financially. I didn’t, like most people have any experience or knowledge of mental illness, and I got a crash course. He went off his medication almost immediately after we were wed (way too quickly I might add, less than a year together) and it was a disaster from there. He was overt about it too. He used to say "gotcha b!*%h!" and thought it was funny. He had me now. He quit his job and stayed home spending money while yelling at me every time I said much of anything.

In the mean time, work was great! I worked as a contractor to several Engineering companies, always having one full time role, and a side hustle or two. The more I poured into my work, the more I got out of it. I was a project lead by 24, and was directing men with daughters older than me. I learned how to be strong, but also non-threatening. I learned how to be heard, but not be domineering. I learned how to teach, without preaching, and I learned how to gain consensus by building bridges. Being a small, young female in a position of authority of any kind, was a challenge, but I had a great mentor.

As hard as it can be to gain respect when you’re young, try being transgender. My mentor is to this day, the strongest person I’ve ever met. She made the decision, while in a very traditional, very conservative, male dominated workplace, and held her own, she was fearlessly, herself. She transformed her identity and created herself by making changes most of us couldn’t fathom. She was the first to really see who I was, and to fight on my behalf in a workplace, and it cost her. Being on her team for the time that I was, I learned so much more than how to work with engineering design programs. I learned that there’s never an easy time to recreate who you are, and there’s never a limit to how many times and how many ways you can change. To this day I couldn’t be more grateful that she took a chance on me. My personal view on LGBT is that not only do they deserve equal rights, they deserve our reverence. There is nothing braver than being yourself and doing what it takes to make yourself into who you were meant to be.

In this time of home turmoil and work abundance, I grew a deep love of systems. Today, my entire life is designed as a series of systems. Systems designed to minimize the activities that you dislike, or delegate them efficiently, to minimize costs while maximizing value, and all in the intent of creating time and working capital to do the things you want to be doing. I’m sure these concepts aren’t new to those of you who are mining, or just know how to get the most out of your tech, but ever think about how to apply this thinking to other areas of your life? Like your food, your work, or even your laundry? Yep, this is how my crazy brain works.

Back to the life story, I was slowly having my kind nature chipped away, I could feel my soul shrinking. This dangerous man that was draining my life force was slowly filling my mind with doubts about people in general. That’s the paranoid part of schizophrenia for you. It didn’t take much time before he’d separated me from the last connections I’d had, I lost touch with friends, and family calls were fewer and fewer, no one ever came to visit.

Then I got a tumor.

25, with a rare tumor, in my neck, and no one could know if it was cancerous until it was out. My skin, at that time, was a disaster too. What I would learn later is that for me, my skin is my barometer. If I’m not well, I see it in my complexion. I still remember, not knowing which one scared me more. Dying on the table with an open neck wound, or surviving and having people see me without makeup and looking like I’d survived the guillotine. It took 2 years of seeing specialists, from ENTs, to vascular surgeons, to oncologists and dermatologists to get through this journey, and I learned a lot along the way. I always asked as many questions as I could.

One thing that I would learn is that they couldn’t know what caused this rare type of carotid-body tumor, but the best thing I could do was cut out the chemicals. I think I was in shock the entire time I went through this. I told people calmly that this was just a thing that I was going to take care of and get on with my life, but inside, deep in my soul in a place I couldn’t feel, I was beyond terrified. I had no one there for me. Even my parents stayed away. They never knew what I went through.

This scary man that I was with, was so low functioning, I remember spending the weekend before my surgery cleaning the house, and making pre-made meals so he could handle time without me constantly caring for him, and when I got home a week later, all I saw was empty McDonalds bags and 2 hungry cats.

It was a long road to heal. Cutting through muscle to remove a golf ball sized mass, left me wrecked. I couldn't walk a flight of stairs without sitting down on every third step. I had to get used to the horrified look on people's faces as they saw my painful un-bandaged neck wound. I wouldn’t let pictures be taken. I’m not sure now if I wish there were any. I have a reminder, a light scar, all told, that the surgeons did a beautiful job trying to keep from maiming my appearance.

It wasn’t too long after this that I realized that I couldn’t let this be my life. It’s hard, especially when you’re young, to see how long the road of life really is, and how brief each step really is. I’m only 35 now, and it feels like a life time ago. I both loved and hated hearing “this too shall pass” but it got me through some hard steps. I’ll never forget the feeling where the voice from deep down inside said “you are meant for more than this” It was that numb part of my soul waking up and crying out. It felt like a nuclear reactor was lit. That little, but growing ball of what I can only describe as a survival mechanism and primal rage kicked in. I had to do something. It was him or me, and it wasn’t going to be me. I had too much left to do, and I was meant for more. First, I had to get this toxic human out of my life.

I could have walked away and that would have been that. But I had 2 cats that I loved, and a house with a mortgage in my name. He had to go. Lucky for me, he was cheating on me, and I was able to convince him he was too good for me. Narcissism is easy to work with when it presents itself. He should go for a time, and see what truly makes him happy and maybe in 6 months we’ll appreciate each other better, if he decides to return to me. He left, and I served him papers. I had to pay him 20k to go away, despite the fact he left me over 100k in debt, and it was the best money I’ve spent in my life.

I was lucky, he didn’t continue to harass me for much more than a year after. But after I’d shared a little bit of my life with those I worked with, I began to build new friendships and a support network began to form around me. People weren’t out to get me after-all. People most of all just want to connect, and connection only works if you can understand each other. It was the exact opposite of the poisoned view of the world I’d been drinking for the last few years.

After this, I poured all my efforts into work and paying off my debt. I had decided that I was better off on my own, as I realized that I didn’t have a reliable gauge for people. I had let someone in my life who was the equivalent of eating broken glass, so I decidedly formed attachments carefully, and away from intimacy practically altogether. I went to therapy. I can’t tell you how much I recommend therapy for all. No matter what, we all need someone to hear us sometimes, and I find that friends aren’t always the right sounding board. Not that a professional is required to just listen, but listening is hard! It takes time and focus, and most people are starved of their own time and attention and just don’t have enough free space on their internal human hard drive to give you that ear to the degree you need/deserve. Then I did my own form of therapy, I renovated and improved the basement of the home that I’d reclaimed. That felt even better.

I had only a couple of boyfriends for the next couple of years, and learned something from each of them. I had left my last name as my previously married name, mainly to serve as penance for my mistake. I didn’t feel right about going backwards. I had a wicked scar to prove that mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be healed and fixed. I also promised myself that I would change my name only once more, and that would be for the man I was truly meant for.

I met my husband while I was working at yet another Engineering, Procurement and Construction company. I’ll never forget the time he introduced himself, he came to my office saying he was meeting a person a day, which I thought was a complete line; but I loved his energy. Mellow, but brilliant, sweet, but not a pushover either. The overwhelming impression I got of him, was that he must have been younger than me, he seemed like a person who’d never been hurt. I remember wondering when this act was going to end. Every relationship I’d ever had ended with someone finally taking their mask off, finding that underneath there was a feeble damaged ego and taking it out on me. It was different with him. He just got better as time went on, and still does to this day. I'm so amazed by him. I feel lucky everyday, but I also know how much work I did to deserve a partner like him too. Let me tell you now, it isn't luck. It's working on yourself that makes the difference between a toxic partner and the partner of your dreams.

I owe every step of my own growth from this point in my life forward, to the love and support I get from my husband (or future husband at this point). From working in the EPC company together, I was able to support several of his projects behind the scenes and the more I shone, the more he liked me. We made each other better from the start, and it was never a competition. I firmly kept him in the friend zone for several months, as I was so skeptical of any one who showed interest in me, and to this day I think it was largely responsible for the success of the relationship. It wasn’t a hard to get act, it was that I had created a series of checks and balances in my own mind before allowing anyone entry to my heart and the only way to pass was with time, care and consistency. This is maybe the most critical piece of the puzzle to being the architect of your life. The right partner is your foundation in every sense of the word.

After we decided that our lives were to be linked, future husband moved in to the home that I’d bought for myself, that I called my princess castle, which was to me, self proof that I could live a great life on my own, and that I was indeed strong enough to be responsible for my own happiness. The key that I learned here is that you have to be a whole person unto yourself before you can go looking for a partner, and you need to know how to be happy on your own, because no one can MAKE you happy. That’s an internal feeling only you can generate.

From this point on my story has been one of happiness, and challenges of our own making. We founded what we called a Consulting Cooperative and taught professionals who were once employees how to freelance and side hustle as I’d been doing, and worked on projects together. I also took the experience of my own health issues and skin ailments and founded a line of skin and home care that is not only completely free of chemicals, but made from food. We’ve been married a little over 2 years, but together over 5, and have a beautiful daughter together.

We turned it all upside down again only a year ago, where we left our lives behind essentially, and staged the princess castle as an executive rental for others to enjoy and moved provinces. We left the hustle and bustle of downtown to live on an acreage with our in-laws, all following a plan of our intentional creation. I wake up without an alarm clock and spend most of my days with our little girl, while working on my passion projects/small businesses. We have family here, and are building a wonderful group of friends, while we still connect with those we know in the city. Life still evolves and there is so much work to do, change and challenge will always come. But its about finding happiness where you are, seeing the goals you want to achieve next, and taking the purposeful steps it takes to get there, and I’m loving our journey.

Together we have a balance, where we all grow and feel honoured. It’s not perfect, but its healthy, and what we all were looking for. That doesn’t mean it didn’t came easily. Living your dream is a lot of work, and usually involves missteps, risk and sometimes real danger and pain, like my own journey. There are so many life skills that we’re supposed to learn on our own, that many of us don’t, and it holds us back from getting what we want.

Life is a complex web of other people’s intentions, uncontrollable circumstances and surprises that colour overtop of the picture we’d created for ourselves. Many of people become frustrated with that lack of control, which holds them back. It might feel like it’s not worth fighting the tide, and get lost in the current that takes them. It can leave a person feeling rudderless, and forgetting how to dream. Dreaming your life’s path is the first step to setting goals afterall, and it takes goals to get anywhere. Life is so much more complicated than just making money to get by. Money isn’t the solution to all problems. Making good money could easily take up all your time and force you into work you despise. Or, focusing on life quality and leisure time before economics can ensure you never get the opportunity to escape the grind. Another of my favourite wisdoms from my father “money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you out of certain misery.” The point here is, that many of the lessons I’m excited to share involve thinking of, earning and managing money differently. It’s all part of the equation, the tapestry that is our life.

I hope that by sharing my story, you can see the lens I offer you. It’s not all the answers, but more like sharing the scaffolding I learned to build my own happiness, and exploring with you what to build and climb to next. Please mix my message in with the other reading and learning you’re doing to grow your life. Only you know the recipe that will work for you.
To be honest, I’m not 100% sure what I expect from you, other than I hope that you’ll share some parts of yourself and your journey with me too. I suspect we’ve got lots in common, hopefully none of the bad stuff, but at least the ideals of freedom, equality, transparency and privacy that blockchain embodies.

I have lots of content, and hopefully you’ll tell me in the comments what you want to hear next.
A few broad topics to choose from:

• Everyday household efficiencies: get your time back while eating well, living clean and saving money.
• Working as a freelancer: find your most lucrative talents and build services that will sell
• Design your perfect day: building the framework of the life you want to live

Thank you for the time you took to get to know me, I’m looking forward to getting to know you. Follow me, I follow back!
<3 L