-Fight Club
I was told that the first thing I post should be an #introduceyourself post, but I wanted to do something else and I can’t believe you idiots talked me into this.
I could be posting anything, like the meaning of life or a cure for cancer, but no… You idiots demand to know a little bit more about me before learning the secrets of the universe or spreading my cancer cream on your rotten asses.
Oh my God! Writing for Steemit is so hard! Why is this happening to me? I am literally half way through this thing and I haven’t even received my first vote yet, on what planet does this sound fair?
Oh I get it… The game is rigged! And you guys are just toying with me, to see how long I will go while you snicker with your buddies at my expense, “Oh look at the new guy pouring his little heart out, let’s snub him!”
Well I didn’t spend four years risking my ass in the coast guard, protecting your right to eat genetically modifed fish, just to come home to put up with this shit!
Oh my God. There still aren’t any votes, I swear to God I am about to lose my mind over here. I should be a freakin whale by now! What are you guys thinking? Can you not see talent when it is staring you in the face?
Seriously, how mismanaged is this place and why is @ned so damn handsom? Why cant I be that good looking, it’s not fair! Some guys get all the money and the looks while guys like me end up fighting off sexual advances from our Rear Admiral in the stupid ass coast guard.
This Sucks!
Anyways, I guess I have to talk about myself like a flappy-lipped girl on Tinder, so here goes:
I am just your average guy, who is trying to stay positive in a world of shit, I am married to an average girl and if my retarded doctor could learn how to count my sperm, then maybe I might have some average kids. But for now, my doctor is too busy sticking his fingers up my ass while telling me: “We have some swelling back here!”
“No shit there’s some swelling! When was the last time you cut your damn nails?!”
Oh great, now you idiots made me think about emotional stuff and I’m crying into my laptop, thanks a lot, I always wanted a laptop with a voided warranty.
Brb
I’m back
You mean to tell me that not one of you sadists could have voted me up in the time it took me to bawl my eyes out in the bathroom? What kind of shitty website is this and why is @dan’s cat so damn handsome?
My cat only has three legs and it attacks me everytime I sleep, how is that fair? Do you idiots really think my cat wants to hop sideways everytime there’s danger? Of course not!
And what the hell is an EOS? It sounds stupid and made up! Stuff like that really pisses me off! Why couldn’t I have invented that? Probably because I was too busy fighting for your right to elect someone from reality TV for president, thanks a lot for that. I always wanted to come home from war only to find Arnold Schwarzenegger ruining my favorite show.
There is nothing like losing all hope and dropping a toaster into the bathtub after hearing a broke down terminator repeatedly saying, “I’ll be back!” only to find out that instead of dying, I was forced into spending all my money on an electrician just to see how this shit-show ends.
Why in the hell is no one voting? You mean to tell me that you would rather be looking at the swim suits on the trending page? How is that fair and why is @sweetsssj’s swim suit so damn handsome?
My swim suit is covered in embarassing, yellow stains and the bottom is shredded in a way that lets more than the acceptable amount of ball cleavage hang out for your average water park. So, now I have to drive over an hour just to be treated like a human being.
Oh my God! Why does Steemit suck so bad?
I’ve tried to remain positive about the lack of votes, but you are all just a bunch of lousy trolls and I’m not gonna take this shit off you anymore. I’m going back to Grindr!
Good bye!
I have NEVER resteemed an introduceyouself post before @legendary-writer, but here you go. Too funny. Don't roast me.
I have recently made an orientation video that will help you in your journey here - and will hopefully answer all the questions that took me months to figure out.
https://steemit.com/dtube/@maneki-neko/rlfwsqlj
I wish you all the best here on Steem!
WTF is a resteem and why are you telling me about your problems?
Welcome to Steemit legendary-writer. Let me know if you got any questions about Steem/Steemit. The official FAQ can be found here and is quite extensive https://steemit.com/faq.html - Also, Steemit is just one of the sites using Steem the blockchain. We also have Dtube, Dsound and Steepshot if you prefer videos,music or pictures instead of blogging content. And many more of course!
Ugh...
I bet you're a real hit at parties.
As much as you're gods gift to Steemit ;)
Damn! This is so funny!
Oh great!
The first pornstar that comments on my post only does softcore!
Grow another X or get off my post!
Funny and cheeky, careful or you'll lose a vote and gain a flag.
Bienvenido legendario, todos somos cobardes al escribir. A veces el miedo se atrinchera entre nosotros y como un frío escalofriante se te viene por los tuétanos y lo dejas escapar. Será como algún pez de los tantos que viste al ser miembro de guardia marina. Éxitos escribe y vota no hay mas secretos.
Oh my God!
Please learn to spell before posting, you're making us all look bad!
How did you know that I always wanted to have an epileptic fit while eating my Cheerios?
Thanks for that!
Sorry to hear about your cat, ever considered 3D printing him an artificial one?
Maybe then it would stop attacking you in your sleep.
Are you serious?
Do you really think I want to live with a Franken-Cat and what kind sick bastard invents a printer that prints random cat parts?
You're so nice for commenting on this post. For that, I gave you a vote!
Rape???
Let me guess... You're a Rear Admiral in the Coast Guard?
It wouldn't be random, it would be specifically designed for your three legged feline.
You're so nice for commenting on this post. For that, I gave you a vote!
Oh my God!
What is your obsession with my cat’s missing leg? It’s bad enough that my cat lost a leg in a microwave accident, but if I go trying to feed the thing into a printer and something goes wrong my wife is going to kill me!
I wouldn't say I was obsessed, more concerned. As a former cat owner myself I know the love you feel towards it and can imagine the pain of seeing it suffer.
If 3D printing is out of the question then maybe cut off one of your own legs so that it doesn't feel like such a freak.
This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard!
Do you really think I want to be jumping sideways every time the Rear Admiral sneaks up on me?
How about an arm then? I am not sure cats can distinguish between limbs so maybe you'd get away with that.
I don't know you very well but have a feeling your left arm is not doing much most of the time anyway.
Sounds like Poster is borrowing a persona off The Rich Jerk and applying it to writing at Steem. That's cool. Nothing wrong with that. Probably need something a little bit off the wall here lol
Ugh...
Don't hurt yourself buddy!
Okay I will play along...But just so you know, it's been done many, many times before. You're not the first and probably won't be the last lol
It will be interesting to see how far it takes you on Steemit ;)
There are bad writers, good writers and then there is me!
You can't compare me to all the other idiots on here posting pictures of their ugly ass wife and kids while begging for votes, do you see my wife's busted up face on here?
No!
That's because my writing speaks for itself!
And seriously! No one has heard of that thing that you referenced, not even google could figure that shit out. So if you are going to reference a something, be sure that it actually exists, because you are coming off as an idiot.
For such an awesome writer , you sure do have a lot of run on sentences in your post and incorrect use of punctuation. lol That's just the above one. God knows how many are in your original piece ?? Anyway, enough of the silly dialogue . You bore me. Here's a piece I wrote about The Rich Jerk awhile back at the Warrior Forum ( just in case you thought I didn't "reference a something " lol )
https://www.warriorforum.com/main-internet-marketing-discussion-forum/1264390-rich-jerk-internet-marketing-genius-unethical-bs-btw-videos-back-up-now.html
Good luck showing off your ugly ass wife and kids while begging for votes, like every other muppet on here.
Lord knows, we're dying to see them!
Got a feeling your stay here at Steemit will be littered with a slew of Downvotes and Flags lol Remember, this isn't FB or Twitter where people cannot do much except complain. These people here can literally take money out of your pocket and won't think twice about it. Just sayin' ;)
BRB
Please stay gone!
Pleased to meet you legendary-writer. This post is hilarious.
I also have a three legged cat. He used to attack me when I slept, but he seems to have grown out of it.
Oh, Yeah!!!
Well does your wife have lockjaw too?
No she doesn't, so quit trying to diminish my pain!
Friends please vote my blog
Oh my God!
I can't even begin to describe how much I hate you!