How My Pain Guided Me To My Purpose

Hey, My name is Richard Sykes. When I was 4 years old I witnessed my mother being murdered. This resulted in a great deal of trauma and many limiting and damaging beliefs being created. Beliefs like "the world is a dangerous place" and "love is suffering" My dad also decided to leave which left me parent-less. My aunt who became and is my mother gained custody and raised me. Not really knowing or understanding what had happened and why I had been abandoned I created other beliefs like "I don't deserve love" and "I am a bad person"

At the age of 16 my unresolved trauma and limiting beliefs were making themselves known. I left home and moved in with a friend. His mother was a heavy drug user and dad an alcoholic. As you can probably imagine, this was the perfect storm for two troubled teenagers. Me and my friend were self medicating taking lots of Ecstasy and speed (amphetamines) One day my drug dealer was banging on the door for the £10 that I owed him. This was a wake up call to the situation that I had created for myself. I knelt down and cried like a baby "please help me god" I cried, not knowing where else to turn. I did not have any money to eat never mind pay my dealer. I knew that I had to do something otherwise I would end up dead.

I did the only thing I knew could help me at the time, and decided to join the British Army. I enlisted and said goodbye to by friend who I was taking drugs with. As much as the regimentation in the Army straightened me out so to speak, I was still taking lots of drugs, drinking and also fighting. I started to see how I also had lots of anger that was coming to the surface when I drank, mix that with the regimentation and control within the Army and I was slowly turning into somebody I did not like. After just avoiding jail for a fight I was involved in I decided to hand in my notice to leave the Army. Six years later I left the Army with one great lesson. I would never let any person or organization control me again.

Just after I left the Army I received a phone call telling me that my friend who I was taking drugs with and living with had just died of a heroin overdose. This shook my foundations as I knew this could have been me.

I decided to work in sales and was driven by my deep fear or rejection and abandonment. This fear was the fuel that made me create an image that I believed would make my fears go away. I quickly became financially successful, but over time I became disillusioned and felt even more unhappy. I was tired, very tired and could not get out of bed. One day I had a panic attack and my fiance quickly drove me to the hospital. I was exhausted and the doctor told me that I was suffering with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Adrenal Fatigue. He told me that I would be on medication for the rest of my life and that I would never fully recover. He called these illnesses "incurable"

For five years I was chronically ill, depressed and at times suicidal. I would go to see the doctor every few days as my body produced another symptom. I started to realize that my doctor did not know how to help me and just wanted to give me tablets to suppress the symptoms I was experiencing. I said to him one day, "I don't want to suppress the symptoms, I want to know what is causing them" He just looked at me with a blank stare and said "I don't know what is causing your health issues"

This was a turning point for me. I decided to take matters into my own hands and started reading books on healing, personal development, psychology, philosophy, religion, spirituality, quantum physics and the power of the mind. I became obsessed with anything that I thought could help me heal. I started to meditate, think differently and eat healthier. I eventually gained enough energy to start working again.

I was still ill and depressed but my health was slowly getting better. started to look at my life objectively and knew that I did not really enjoy my job in sales and was only driven by money and a need to be accepted. I decided to quit my job and go traveling for 12 months to search for my passion and purpose. Me and my fiance sold all of our belongings, said goodbye to our friends and family and started what would be a life changing (but certainly not easy) journey. Our first destination was Thailand (Koh Phangan)

On my second day in Thailand whilst in a steam room I noticed a poster on the wall when I was walking to the shower to cool myself off. It read "Theta Healing - Change Your Beliefs - Change Your Life" Wow! I was instantly sold and noticed every cell in my body vibrating. I knew I had to take this course. So I imminently contacted the teacher (Martin) and signed up. Theta Healing is similar to Hypnotherapy and works by using a questioning technique that drills deep into the subconscious to expose and remove core limiting beliefs. I did the course, practiced on people in the class and received amazing feedback "you're a natural Richard!"

Then something amazing happened. I was walking down towards a healing retreat with my new certificate in my hand when I suddenly felt in every fiber of my being that I wanted to help people. I had taken the Theta Healing course to help myself but I started to see that I really enjoyed helping others. I stopped for a moment and stated a commitment and declaration "Universe - Source - Higher Self - I choose to dedicate my life to helping and serving others. But you have to help me help others by bringing me people to help" I then carried on down to the healing retreat, bought a coconut to drink, and sat on the beach watching the waves roll in. Then somebody walked over and sat down next to me. I remember thinking it was strange as he could have sat anywhere and the beach was practically empty. Then he started asking me questions "What are you doing here?" "What do you mean" I said. "Are you traveling?" he said. I then explained to him that I just finished a course in Theta Healing. "Oh Wow" he said "I have always wanted to have a session, would you like to practice on me right now?" "Why not I said" He then pointed over to the healing retreat and said that we could use one of the rooms there. I thought he must have known one of the owners or something. I gave him his session and when I had finished I noticed that he was crying and repeatedly thanking me. He then told me "I am the owner of this healing retreat and I want you to work here offering people Theta Healing sessions" I could not believe it. I had just one hour earlier stated my intention and it was answered minutes later, and after my first official session, I had a job!

I quickly made a name for myself and was seeing 3 - 4 people per day. Not only was I helping many others heal themselves by exposing and removing core limiting beliefs, but I was working on myself, facing many of my own shadows, fears and insecurities . After 5 months of working non stop at this amazing healing retreat it was time to leave and carry on with my travels.

My fiance traveled up to Chang Mai and I was about to go with her but just a few days before I received a message from a friend telling me about a wonder healing plant medicine called Ayahuasca. He knew of the struggles I was having with my health. I read stories of people that had used Ayahuasca to heal themselves of pretty much any health issue. So I did some more research, found a healing center in Iquitos Peru, booked by flights and paid for a months stay. Five flights and 30 some hours later I arrived at the Humming Bird Center and was greeted by others who were there trying to heal their chronic health issues.

I sat through 8 different Ayahuasca ceromonies and one San Pedro experience. It would take me weeks to write in detail about the different experiences I had with this amazing medicine, and it is impossible to convey what I really experienced. But what I can tell you is this: Ayahuasca is one of the most potent hallucinogens on the planet and has been used for thousands of years to heal people heal a range of health issues from depression to cancer. But it does not just heal you and do all the hard work for you, it shows you yourself.

Ayahuasca is like having a big honest mirror placed right in front of you so that you can see all of your damaging behaviors, unresolved emotions and limiting beliefs. It shows you how you are hurting yourself and others by bringing the unconscious to the conscious. My Ayahuasca experiences consisted mostly of me curled up in a ball screaming for help, throwing up all over myself, shitting my pants and then turning up two days later to do it all again. Sounds crazy right? Well I was desperate.

So what did I learn from these terrifying experiences? I learned that my over thinking and analyzing was the cause of my burn out. I also uncovered many damaging beliefs about myself and the world that were created when I was a child. I could see deep patterns that I had created to keep me "safe" that were really hurting me. I felt much better from this experience but I new that there was still some way to go until I was healthy and happy again. I flew back to meet with my fiance and we carried on with our travels. We flew to California and decided to do different things. I wanted to go to a meditation retreat for 1 month and Lucy decided to go to learn permaculture. I felt that I needed this time alone to be by myself and look deeper into the shadows that were shown to me during my experiences in Peru.

During one deep meditation I came face to face with the man who murdered my mother. I felt anger and rage boil up and I started to rock forward and backwards. Then I felt something within me tell me to forgive him. But I felt so much anger it was hard, so, so hard. I then looked beyond what this man did to my mother and saw another human being with troubles. I saw a man that had also suffered through his childhood. I saw love in him and in that moment I felt a huge shift and release within myself followed by a outburst of love pouring from my chest. I had so much hatred, anger and sadness that was only hurting one person, me. Once I let go of most of these unresolved emotions this I noticed my health getting better and better. I had so much more energy and excitement, but I also felt different towards the world, towards life and towards my fiance. I sadly felt detached from her as I had gone through such a shift within myself. I met her in Canada where she had moved to carry on with her permaculture work. My mind was telling me all the reasons I should stay with her whilst my heart was telling me it was over. I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life and follow what my heart was telling me to do. We mutually chose to end the relationship and went our separate ways.

12 months after I left to go traveling, depressed, ill and confused, I came back to the UK, healthy, happy, broke, homeless and single. My family and friends thought I had lost my mind. They could not understand why I chose to leave a financially successful job, spend all my money on traveling and why I had ended my "perfect relationship"

I carried on learning and studying other healing modalities. I became a qualified EFT practitioner. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique and does pretty much what it says in the title. It is a fast and effective way to release old unresolved emotions and traumas that are creating mental, emotional and physical dis-ease. It essentially helps peel away the past so that we can be more tuned into the present and ourselves.

I knew that I could not adjust back into my old life in the UK and decided to go back to Thailand and carry and following my passion and purpose. I started to teach EFT and hold regular workshops. I also started to write a book that is close to being finished. My book is based on my transformation and also a transformation process that others can use for themselves.

The last four years of my life has been dedicated to helping others find clarity in the midst of their suffering and confusion. I now offer my services as a Clarity Coach, and hold clarity sessions. This is what I love to do and I have my past to thank for where I am today. Every day is an opportunity for me to learn, let go and move closer to my true self.

I am not going to finish by saying that my life is perfect, but I can say that in contrast to how my life used to be I am in a good place. I am no longer fatigued and feel more peace and gratitude than ever before. I am still triggered here and there but I have the awareness to see the old fading programs trying to pull me back.

I now live in Sweden with my beautiful Polish girlfriend. My partner (Kasia) is pregnant and we are expecting our baby around the 15th September 2016.

The biggest lesson I have learned from life thus far is this:
Life is not happening to us, life is happening for us to help transform into the truth of who or what we are.

I would like to thank you for sparing me your time, reading this post and allowing me to share my past with you. Writing this post (my first and certainly not my last Steemit post) has been a cathartic experience for me as I have never fully shared my past like this in so much detail.

Much Love,

Richard