Pedophiles are not child molesters or rapists.

in #introduceyourself8 years ago (edited)

Before you start bashing ignorant comments based on cognitive dissonance, take a moment or two to re-read the statement being made and inform yourself. A pedophile is not a child molester or a rapist. It is unfortunate but in this time and age these things have to be repeated and made clear due to high ignorance levels in all of society. Now I can continue...

I would like to make it clear now what a pedophile IS. Here is a quote from an article quoting Ray Blanchard PhD. "A pedophile is a person who has a sustained sexual orientation toward children, generally aged 13 or younger, Blanchard says. Not all pedophiles are child molesters (or vice versa). "Child molesters are defined by their acts; pedophiles are defined by their desires," Blanchard says. "Some pedophiles refrain from sexually approaching any child for their entire lives."

For those that care about what happens in this world, and truly care about children and their well-being, I have decided it is time for the human consciousness to evolve and cast aside the bigotry, stigma, taboo, and fears that revolve around a simple word. It is normal for people who have never had a need to look into a certain topic, to have no interest in that certain topic and thus it is understandable why there is still a massive amount of stigma and hate for pedophiles even though probably less than 6% of the people who use the word actually know what it means.

So now that we understand the description as made by a doctor we can actually define the word in a dictionary.
-Pedophile: A person who is sexually attracted to a child or children.
The word in and of itself does not imply anything other than what it is defining (a person with a specific sexual orientation). It really is that simple, and the worse part is that pedophiles do not choose to be pedophiles. By whatever forces of the natural or unnatural, a pedophile may often find himself realizing he or she is a pedophile at a young age. Of course, because children are not concerned with defining or labeling themselves with simple words they generally don't know they are pedophiles until they are around 12-14 years old which begs the question that should concern every parent:

"Is your child a pedophile?"

I am writing this blog because I grew up as a kid realizing I was attracted to kids much younger than myself as well as kids my own age. I was introduced to sex at a very young age by kids my age, starting at around age 7 or so I had a lover who was 9 and introduced me to sex. This became a problem as I grew older because I didn't understand it as being wrong. Sure it was kept secret and I would never tell my parents so I knew there was some taboo in it but I never fully understood why. Throughout the next 10 years my life was filled with sexual experiences with kids around my age and even many years younger. By the time I was 12 I started to question things. I still didn't believe I was doing anything wrong, but I noticed that society acted as if it was unheard of, it was unfathomable for many people. It wasn't until sex ed changed my view of sex at age 13. We were taught about all the risks involved, and told to use a condom but I could feel the entire classroom somehow containing itself from asking vital questions that were taboo. I realized that perhaps I was the only one who was sexually aware since at least age 8 and that most kids didn't even seem to care about it at least until they started hitting puberty.

This is what lead me to realize later in life that if my kids are exposed to sex at early ages, it could become a problem. For me it was a problem I wished I could change, unfortunately for many people it isn't possible. I became suicidal, anti-social, depressed and introverted. I no longer cared about what happened in life because I felt that I could never be happy as soon as I was (legally) too old. This idea hit me when I was 15, and I knew that by the time I was 18 I would have had to change. I didn't change however, although I tried very hard to change but only more suffering ensued. I was blessed enough to meet kids which healed me and brought my life back up, and I am not talking about through sex or anything of that sort. It seems that for some pedophiles part of the reason we are attracted to kids is because there is no malice, or evil in them. There is only innocence. Though this may sound immature it is also why I never wanted to be a part of the adult society as an adult. Truthfully there is much that can be learned from kids and their innocence so I am sharing my opinions as an experienced pedophile who has never abused, hurt, molested any child in any way shape or form. That isn't to say all pedophiles are the same, of course there are those who might not contain themselves, who have been abused and think it is ok to abuse kids but that doesn't mean we should stereotype all pedophiles into one category. I have met many pedophiles online who are often the most kindest and innocent people I have met. I think if we are concerned about avoiding child sex abuse, molestation, and violence we really need to think from the next dimension and attack the root cause of it. I believe the main cause for all violence is a lack of love. Love and Hate are of the same energy albeit polar extremes. Like cold and heat, there is never an absence of both, there is only higher grades of one or the other. The more we are filled with hate, the less able we are to love or the lesser the quality of our love. The more we are filled with love, the less able we are to hate. It should be clear to us all now how much love we are lacking in this world. We need not go further than to observe all the wars, the violence we see on TV and movies, the compartmentalization of ideas and freedoms within different cultures, different laws, different religions. Poverty is probably another much bigger contributor to violence but my point is that this world is in dire need of change and I mean REAL change. If your child was a pedophile would you still think the way you think right now about pedophiles? Will you unconditionally love people and treat them as humans, or realize we all need to grow spiritually NOT without love and definitely not by hating others. Remember that by hating others your quality of love degrades, and you will only enable further hate. Let us be the example we want to see and change the world from within.

For any pedophile reading this, remember that in the end it is love you seek and remember this quote:
"If you love a flower, don't pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love.
So if you love a flower, let it be.
Love is not about possession." -Osho

For all others out there, I will add an excerpt from an article which I will include links to at the end of this blog.

What would you want people to know about the stereotypes about pedophiles?
"People do not choose to be attracted to children or adults any more than they choose to be attracted to males or females," Blanchard says. "If there is any choice in the situation, it is in how pedophiles manage their lives once they become fully aware of the direction of their sexual interests and the societal prohibitions against expressing them."

I would also like to make it clear, that I fully understand that there are pedophile rings around the globe, and all sorts of problems concerning child abuse by organized criminals. Because I love children I do truly wish that these types of evil people did not exist. Not only do they create the worse possible example of a pedophile or even of a human being, but they really are soulless enough to deserve death. I do not identify myself with them because I have heard many testimonies where children are drugged or given drinks in order to abuse them. This is the easiest way for a pedophile to fulfill his desires and I believe it is wrong, the right path is never an easy one and requires the destruction of ones own ego and the conquering of their own mind, heart, and temptations.

I write this blog knowing I will get many hate comments and flags, but hoping that since it is a social network backed by the blockchain that at least free speech will strive and people may learn to understand and respect free speech.

Love and Peace to all!
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/explaining-pedophilia?page=2

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Hey there....
I know It probably wasn´t easy for you to write this article but I feel you did a great job in speaking from your heart and a space of love.
It is definitely a very strong and difficult topic to speak about. Thanks for your courage.
I loved how you quoted Osho: "If you love a flower, don't pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love.
So if you love a flower, let it be.
Love is not about possession." -Osho

If we could apply this principle to everything in life, not only our sexual orientation, the world would be a peaceful place.
Thanks again for sharing...
<3

Thanks for understanding and keeping an open mind! :)

Strong topic,

I was aware of what you wrote here (maybe not able to explain it as detailedly as you did). I agree that you are probably born with it, as you are born straight or gay,...

That being said, whereas I do not think that non-convicted pedophiles should be branded as criminals, I understand the fear about it.

From the outside I can only look at it li I would look at a recovering alcoholic. It's a brave long and hard fight against oneself, but one opportunity, one moment of weakness and they will slide.

Perhaps this view is not correct, but in that sense I understand that people fear pedophiles, even when they have never laid a finger on a child. (I would do to if had children)

Kudos for writing about this post, and informing us though, with enough explanations of this kind you might be able to remove the taboo, be it ever so slightly.

Thanks, although I think it is different from an alcoholic as that implies one is recovering from an addiction, in my case I have been living 8 years since my last interaction which was not something I had planned, or expected or even tried to obtain, it was given to me as I slept. I have never had to intentionally lead any kids into any of my experiences, as shocking as that may sound, they were always things that just happened to me. Now things are different and my sex drive is nothing near what it was like at age 14, I believe my days with kids are over and now I am doing my best to like adults with very rare success, but successful nonetheless :)

definepedaphile, or dp, if I may call you that for short, I am sorry you were born with such a hated sexuality. This is a topic I have thought of before and I believe I understand where you are coming from - although I don't have the first hand experience. I wanted to say you are brave for standing up to society. But, as you seem aware, this is a tough act.
I believe a lot of the issue is human's natural desire to categorise things. Sadly, paedophilia has be classed with child abuse (and the sort) within the 'hate this' category. I would like to see more people in our world stop and actually think about things a little more. I would also like to see more people stop simply assimilating information, and taking part in individual research and critical thinking.

I, for one, have nothing against you dp. If anything I am really pleased that you are adamant about doing the lawful thing. I am sorry you got dealt with quite an average card when born, but I encourage you to continue challenging society.

This doesn't come lightly, I have young daughter myself and I have indeed explored this topic. I feel similarly to you, simply being attracted to something abnormal (kids, cars, other things) isn't a crime not something you can help. This reminds me of homosexuality and how long it has, and is, taking for people to understand and accept that it's natural. Of course I do believe quite strongly in the legal side, which, by the sounds of it, you do too.

I would like to ask one question, if I may. It may be a little blunt and in-you-face, but I figure that you have thought about this, I may learn from how you view it, and others reading this may think beyond the definition of paedophilia and empathise living with it.
What are your views on porn. I'll presume you masturbate, and I assume you do so with at least the imagination of kids. How far is ethical, or how far do you go? Just thoughts of fantasy kids, random kids you have seen all but once, kids you are familiar with, pictures of kids, porn pics of kids, porn vids of kids? Replace kids with what I am sexually attracted to (women) and I have done all of the above.
So what is your cut-off? Do you think this is fair (compared with being sexually attracted to something else)? and would you hope to change 'the way it is' at all? If so, how?

I hope this question is not too forward. If it is, please feel free to ignore this part!

Thanks for caring about this subject it really gives me hope that humanity may grow a little more. As for porn, I started being curious at age 14 after seeing a drawing but initially it was only "Eye candy" I was interested in and I would search online for pictures of cute kids I could imagine myself being in a relationship with. Unfortunately I was exposed to an easy way to access porn online and eventually became interested in finding anything that involved two kids because of my deep unquenchable curiosity regarding the taboo. I never cared for other kinds of porn (children with adults) but that became unavoidable since the method I used to find it was deceptive and didn't always contain what the title claimed. To be honest this was an escape for me, I found that not all porn was bad, but when I was socially active and had more experiences I left it all behind. Later I researched the topic further only to learn it was acceptable in some countries and some kids even had their parents permission to partake in the production of this media. It was safer even, because they were being protected, supervised and there was knowledge of what would be produced as well as collaboration on behalf of parents. Nothing would be done without the parent's and kids consent.
I was interested in finding anything that would be romantic, which I did find little of. I think most porn especially even the normal adult porn is a bit too aggressive and exaggerated. I don't think most (regular adult) porn represents the true essence of sex which is what I searched for. In the end the number of videos you might find such as these romantic ones are too rare so I ended up taking a greater interest in drawings. On that side I think as far as "porn" goes it is probably the least evil since no one is harmed and it is ultimately an expression/an art piece. I can't say porn is good or bad however. I know there are different kinds and I know there are many that are evil and probably aren't healthy but I think (as long as its not the wrong kind?) it does help keep a pedophile entertained and provides an outlet to a basic human necessity. I believe by keeping them entertained they can cope with their urges at least until their sex drive has fallen. Doctors who diagnose people with pedophilia might give drugs to reduce sex drive. For me my experiences were enough to keep me mostly inactive with porn and my experiences are something I learned to accept and say "that was it." I can appreciate that I even experienced these things and be thankful for them. I have met others who say they never had a single interaction, so I am definitely grateful that I was lucky enough to satisfy my desires. For this reason I can't be sure what porn does, but I know it didn't change me for bad. If anything I learned different positions and benefited from that knowledge. I guess I also learned proper sex?? Anyway now I only masturbate to my memories and I occasionally do enjoy reading romantic manga

Thank you for opening up, dp. I really do appreciate it. Your views were mostly as I expected - like tending to use more imagination with a more intimate basis, while having had a taste of the porn side of things. I was interested in whether some element of porn is ethical, and if it has quenching or exacerbating effects on your desires. You give great insight into this, thank you. While I struggle to see how you can really make porn quite ethically, I don't doubt its possible. I'm glad some countries are opening up to this (I imagine accepting and support works much more than hate, on all levels). I can also see you have managed to distance yourself from it, which seems to work really well for you. It's also nice to hear it had positive effects on you. I hope others find their way as you seem to have done. Not only will acceptance of its normality be a huge step forward, but having paedophiles in the public's eyes who have managed to live with an element of satisfaction while being quite ethical is surely a great encouragement to others.

Thank you again for the insight, dp. Your reply helped me understand one aspect of it a little more.

Powerful post. I hope that you can refrain from acting on any fantasies you may have, unfortunately there are many who can't and it is those that we hear about and so your sexual desires are despised. I gained a greater understanding of your 'condition' from your post and admire your strength and belief to write it.

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