Introducing platypus pineapple. Comedian and story teller.

Hello dear hive community!

I'm so glad to be here enjoying each moment of discovery on this platform. Especially after fourteen warnings in six months on Facebook! Is that a record?

Recovery

Anyway I will introduce myself. For six long years I had a serious problem which completely consumed my life. But I've been in recovery for 11,826 days today. Clean. No relapses. Although they say you never fully recover, you're always recovering. I do still find it difficult to discuss. I used to be an architect. But I'm alright now.

Sandwich terns made me a rebel!

I will start from my beginning and explain a little about my family and childhood. Born into a fairly average poor family my parents both worked but my father was an alcoholic and gambling addict. Spending all his wages on beer and horses put a huge strain on us.

Although he made me very upset and angry he was also a big influence on my life as he was a larger than life character, a razor sharp comedian with absolutely no respect for authority, and a reverence for all of nature. Traits that I feel are in my (ancestral) blood.

Aged just eight, after months of pleading, I got a pair of binoculars. An enthusiastic young bird watcher I was enthralled for hours alone in nature. One day at school I discovered my ability to make a lot of bored school kids laugh, a lot, and the possible ramifications. My first video, sandwich terns made me a rebel contains all the juicy details.

A rebel was born

I didn't enjoy school. It felt like torture to me. Aged fourteen I started working on construction sites at weekends helping my dad. For generations the men in my family have all been building houses. And from a young age I understood that people in suits, who worked in banks and could not build houses, could take them away from us. At home we lived in fear of banks and bailiffs and never answered our front door. This has had a profound and life long affect on me and my lifestyle.

Upon leaving school aged sixteen I began working labouring full time on building sites. Horrible, hard filthy work for a dismal salary. Then, I accidentally became an architect! One of several little miracles in my life. For six years I worked full time whilst simultaneously studying for a degree via correspondence course. After knowing all about physically difficult and demanding work I discovered mentally exhausting work. Both are inhumane and unnecessary.

I managed one thousand diverse properties for the Church of England and have made a tv appearance discussing the future of a historical church.

Breakdown or breakthrough?

Feeling on the verge of a nervous breakdown in my twenties I was surprised when my elderly boss announced his retirement and asked me to run the highly profitable practise. I realised I didn't want that lifestyle. I didn't want to sell my soul and become rich financially. I wanted to be rich internally, and spiritually.

I handed in my notice and made three promises to myself which I've pretty much kept to this day. Never have a boss again. Never cut or brush my hair again. And never wear a watch again. It was an enormous decision. A huge relief and fundamentally liberating. I lost my entire family as a result. Disowned for life for voicing my beliefs and following my dreams.

I stepped into my new future full of excitement and some trepidation. Knowing only that I felt compelled to dedicate the rest of my life to the Earth and nature.

Activism and do it yourself (diy) culture

I became a 24/7 direct action activist for ten crazy years. Involved with Earth First, Reclaim the Streets, and other anti-authoritarian, environmental and social justice groups, and discovered and practiced organic gardening and permaculture. And lived in a radical routes home schooling housing cooperative, amongst other things.

A living bereavement!

Then I became a dedicated full time parent and home educator. But, heart breakingly, my child was taken to live hundreds of miles away. I commenced legal action and my ten years struggle for access to my baby began. I joined Father's 4 Justice and met so many loving dads suffering what we called a living bereavement.

After ten years of struggling and the situation constantly worsening I realised that I may never see my child again. This left me suicidal. On top of a one hundred metre high cliff above raging sea water I had what felt like an epiphany. Either I take my own life or I reclaim it? That was the best decision of my life. For the first time ever I put myself first.

No plan is the best plan

I decided to leave the violent city I'd lived in for twenty years. Where I'd been assaulted and even shot several times by people who had never even spoken to me. Solely due to my non-conformists looks and lifestyle.

Selling or giving away most of my possessions I headed for the wildest part of Wales with only my back pack and tent. No plans, no money, and no contacts. I've stuck with no plan is the best plan ever since. For it's the ultimate plan that by definition cannot fail.

Reading, writing and self-publishing

I started writing poetry as a child and didn't show my ink patterns to anyone for two decades. Then after being given an old computer and buying a printer I started inner self publications and self-published my two poetry collections. Called free thinkers are dangerous: poems for people, long and short and curly living: rhymes for the times I sold out of my two thousand copies. Then I wrote a small book called man cry: sunrise for emotions and sold out my small print run. The poetry collections are available as ebooks for free or donation. If anyone is interested just let me know.

Adventures and experiences

After Wales I've traveled to Africa, where I was nearly killed by a lion! India, where I was dragged from a beach into the jungle, by cops after money, whilst on lsd! I've volunteered in sustainability centres and lived in a few different European countries.

I've hitch-hiked, lived in tents and caravans, and all manner of incredible squats and caves, and been homeless sleeping on city streets and on mountains directly underneath the stars.

I've helped build a straw bale house (around a large living tree) and learned how to build with cob, mud, clay and straw. The most common building material in the world which can last for thousands of years with a little annual maintenance. I don't think I could ever live in a conventional (toxic) home again.

There's treasure in the trash

Over the past few years I've survived mostly recycling all my food and clothes from the trash. And for sure there's treasure in the trash. Especially in rich cities. From laptops to sex toys and so much more. I've lived moneyless, entirely without cash, for months at a time. Possible, yet a lot of hard work, but rewarding. All will be revealed in coming blogs and posts.

Freegan street prankster

I've been vegetarian for twenty years, vegan for two and freegan four years now. If I could choose I'd be predominantly raw vegan. And I always try not to judge people but to attempt empathy. Which is what I myself desire.

I have developed a spontaneous prank street performance and taken it to Portugal, Barcelona, the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and Darlington. Recently I selected my favourite stories and created a comedy/story telling routine around them. My first gigs video is posted on hive.

Love is...

I'm blessed to have experienced many deeply loving relationships including a Saudi Arabian asylum seeker from the original royal family. One hell of a story which I may or may not tell.

Single and celibate by choice for ten years, I've loved and needed the break. Then I fell head over heels in love once again. With hilarious yet disastrous consequences. Another future post.

Health is wealth

I'm also an advocate for healing, holistic health and natural medicine. Making nature illegal disturbs me. As for waging an unspoken war against nature.

I struggled with depression for two years as a teenager and I've struggled with anxiety and PTSD for twenty years as an adult. Another comedian making light from the dark.

This year I've been researching medicinal mushrooms and began microdosing with a friend who also struggles with anxiety. We're both ecstatic about the results with a drastic change in our quality of life.

Everyone has a story

Over the years I've met many incredible international folks and listened to the extraordinary stories of ordinary people. Always intelligent, conscientious and courageous, often hurt or traumatised souls living alternative lifestyles with dignity and colour.

I hope to interview some of these characters who have become my friends like 'caveman bodybuilder' who left Estonia alone aged sixteen to go live in a cave in Granada and survive from the trash. A giant of a man who maintains his plant based diet. And a Russian pal who hitch-hiked five thousand kilometres to Barcelona...

15 minutes of fame

I mentioned that I've been on tv talking in a church. Well I've actually been on tv twice, talking in churches. Uninteresting, until I add that the first time I was an architect in a suit and tie, and the second time I was a 'dirty squatter' being unexpectedly evicted from a derelict church, in front of two million viewers!

When a pal and I watched my 15 minutes of fame on tv he bellowed with laughter at the end and gave me the comedic name, and title of my autobiographical book 'king of the squatters!' I'm still editing the book and aiming to record an audiobook version to serialise here.

Laughter is the best medicine

My favourite thing to do in the whole wide world is to make people laugh. And laugh myself. Preferably until it hurts! Actual physical pain in one's cheeks. It's possible and I've experienced it. Have you? I want everyone to experience actual physical pain in the cheek muscles from laughing. It's my dream.

Something is very wrong in this world when I hear of folk in London paying £100/hour, and they're old figures, for laughter workshops!

This year I've expanded into creating videos and doing live comedy and story telling which im very excited about. I recently did my first gig and the video is posted on hive. My first pub stand up comedy gig is looming and all being well I'll get a regular spot. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read all this. I'm sorry it's so long but I promise I've tried to be concise and it's just the tip of the iceberg that is platypus pineapple.

Phew... you won't believe how long that took me. Did I miss anything?

I do hope you check out and enjoy my work. And I, yours.

Much love and respect to you all!

platypus pineapple

Ps I don't normally use capital letters. 😉