How to stop comparing yourself to others

So many great posts and wonderful people are showing up on steem each minute, and it is hard not to envy their wonderful lives, their writing, their photos, the attention and steem dollars they get. Maybe you are thinking something along these lines; “what do they have that I don't? Im such a loser! what am I doing wrong? I have to be more like this person or that person”. Or maybe you have the opposite problem of finding others less worthy than yourself? This is not making you happy either it just makes you dislike and loathe someone for being less perfect than yourself.

Comparison is separation, separation is pain.

When we compare ourselves to others, we separate ourselves from them. “I could never be like that”. The truth is that you could! You could be both the winner and the looser. There is nothing magical or alien about the winners, they are people just like you who have worked hard, tried and failed and tried again. The losers are also just like you, you never know the reason behind someone's failure, that fat person you judged might have a serious illness, that stupid person you just judged might be dyslexic or a non-english speaker trying their best to write a good post. Some day you might be the unlucky one and feeling the pain of judgement falling on yourself. When you try to be happy for others when they succeed and support them when they fail, you will feel more connected to them. Connection and love feels good, separation and hate feels painful.

So what can we do?

In starting to understand the dynamics of comparison, we see that it is causing us suffering and resentment. These patterns are very human and hard wired into our operation system so to speak. It can be hard to rewire something that is so natural to us. Here are 5 tips that might help you rewire your comparative tendencies.

1. Gratitude

Gratitude is your greatest weapon against comparison. Remember all the wonderful things you have to be grateful for instead of all the things you don't have. You have the luxury of food, clothes, shelter, friends, family, health and the beauty and wonders happening all around you every day; The smell of coffee in the morning, the sound of children laughing somewhere, the pleasure of resting after a hard day's work. If you are open, you will find yourself blessed in so many ways that you normally take for granted.

2. Stay in the moment

Be present in this moment and try not to worry about what is happening in someone else's life on the other side of the globe. Stay focused on your own experience right now. What is the best thing you can do in this moment? Work? Write? Take a walk? Eat? Sleep? Don't waste your time and energy on comparing yourself to others, you have more important things to do right now.

3. Become more empatic

Work on your empathy skills. Try to put yourself in someone else's shoes and see the world from their perspective. Now they do no longer look so threatening or pathetic, you see that they are human just like you, with their unique strengths and weaknesses. People are your friends, not your enemies. Let the successful people be your inspiration and guidance in life, their success is not your failure. And be the guidance and inspiration for those who are less fortunate than yourself.

4. Meditate

Meditation is the best way to find peace within yourself and it will help you in your relationships with others. You will find stillness, bliss and humility through practising simple awareness. Things will no longer be experienced as very serious and important and you will no longer be so personally involved in your own problems. Sometimes all we need to do is to laugh at ourselves for making a big problem where there is really nothing to worry about.

5. Acceptance

Learn to accept the path that you are on. It is unique to you and others have their own unique path. We are all different and that is fine. Even when you think that you are a low, pathetic and miserable person, life is trying to teach you something and your failures are here to make you grow stronger.

Comparison is violent emotional cruelty towards yourself, be kind!