I've had a couple of dealings lately, through work, with women in their 80s whose husbands have died or are in care and they are left in large (>3 bed) houses alone in the countryside, without family near by and without access to a car, either because they can't drive anymore because of medical reasons or because they can't afford to keep a car anymore....
This situation is extremely tragic, such people, and it's usually women not men given that women tend to marry older and live longer, are effectively capital rich but socially isolated.
Especially around here, if you're reliant on public transport but live in one of the smaller villages, travel really is NOT convenient!
Success as a millstone....
It struck me that both the women I've met (and there will be many, many more) have had successful lives - large houses in rural locations are the dream - they are the most established of success symbols.
However, towards the end of life they can become a millstone...
Obviously you are going to be attached to your house, selling it is going to be a real emotional drain, and if your life-partner has already died or is in care before you've sold your home, well the prospect of moving somewhere else on your own can't be that appealing.
And those large old houses, you're going to be paying a lot to heat them, a lot in council tax, so if you're not trusting enough to get someone else in to lodge, that's a lot of empty space you're paying for.
And if all you've got is a basic state pension, and maybe a top up from a private one, you WILL struggle to pay for food, bills, and council tax.
I honestly think a couple who could only afford a regular terraced house in a small town rather than a country detached property would be better off - cheaper bills and at least you'd have neighbours living nearby to keep and eye out for you.
And without transport there's no social life if you live rurally either.
Solutions...
Well all one can suggest is to either get online, not necessarily something someone in their 80s is going to be willing to do,
Or move closer to where their children are, downsize, seek support of yer family but move to them, you can't expect them to come to you just for the sake of you having another half a decade in your comfortable millstone. That'd be dragging your children down with you, possibly.
Or realise some of that capital - rent a room, do equity release, but there's risks involved with both of those.
Final thoughts...
This has been a painful reminder of just how much ageing sucks, I'd like to say I had a plan in place to cover what happens in my 80s, but like so many other people I'd also just rather not think about it.....
Maybe when I hit 70 I will, I don't wanna risk ending up like either of these women facing the kinds of decisions they're facing at their age and with little support...!
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It's very difficult, isn't it? I had some friends in their nineties who, until about six months before the husband died, were both active independent people, still able to manage and maintain their house and a large garden. They had some help with cleaning and gardening, but were making all the decisions and enjoying a very full life with lots of gallivanting. My friend, the husband, deteriorated very quickly in the last six months of his life, although still at home and supported there.
His widow, though, now 92, is completely overwhelmed with trying to manage this large Grade II listed house and its garden and lost without her companion of over sixty years. I would have said to most people to understand earlier that you're moving into a different stage of life and will require different things and make decisions then about where you live etc, but they clearly managed and thrived right up until nearly the end of their lives.
Sounds like they've been lucky, last six months excluded! It's something we all need to plan more for. Grim!
This is a subject that is very important to me... I'm single, and I don't have close relatives besides my mom and my brother. Since I don't believe that my retirement plan would be in a enough volume that could provide all my basic needs, I'm trying to settle some basic income sources till I get 60. That is a concern that is very present in my thoughts...
If we are isolated from close relatives, and we live in country side, or even in a big city, were neighbors aren't so attentive on what is happening around them, the social isolation, and loneliness is something real and palpable.
Crikey a lot to plan for then!
Working with old people and hearing them say things like, "whatever you do, do not grow old"... Although it is a joke , but it is scary as hell to realize that one day, one would be that old and maybe have to depend on others...
Thinking about it is scary so we avoid it... Until it hits us...
Having a plan for that time is ideal, it's good... But not yet.
I'm gonna start thinking about it, stash up on the drugs maybe!
The drugs?
It's definitely good to have a community of friends, something for natural introverts to consider while they are still young!
At our Church the woman's group look out for each other and for the older women - helping people to get to church, shopping, and appointments. Younger generations are going to have to consider this more - with the decline in fertility and marriage rates - people are more likely to wind up alone than in past ages.
Tangentially, I briefly read a study not long ago that found volunteering was good for your health (physical and mental), so stay connected to the world around you!
That's some excellent advice all around, right there!
A powerful reality and for some eye-opener.
Too few plan for such and I can't say that I blame anyone for not doing so.
Who wants to think of such things.
Unfortunately if we don't, our faith might be the same.
I think this is the relentless face of life. That's why people in my country wish to die before being in need of others' help.
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