My condolences. I know what you mean about the pain being somehow different. We lost my MIL in 2015, she was only in her late 50s so it was what many called much too early. Seeing my husband's grief and feeling my own grief changed me. My father has suffered a lot of brain damage in my life since I was 5-6 I knew he could die at any moment. Somehow the good Lord has kept him with us so far and I'm so grateful. We don't know why or when the Lord calls us home, but we can trust in His love and care.