Not sure if anyone is still around... Or if anyone has been reading the (few) posts that I have written thus far.
It's been a little bit since my last post and I think I am happy to say that I am back, sort of.
Basically, I needed a break. I needed a break from everything that I felt as though I "needed" to do. Which is kind of silly because no one "needs" to blog, but rather it was one of the things that I was doing and I guess I thought that if I stopped then I would stop -forever- which obviously isn't the case.
Since I last wrote, I spent some much needed time on myself. I started working out (and have since established a pretty stable workout routine), I lost weight, gained energy, mental clarity and confidence. As much as we love our little farm and the quietness of the country, we have started to force ourselves to get out more. Go out to eat, go to the park(s), go out for ice cream, go shopping (window shopping), go to the beach, go out for drinks... etc.
The past year I became so reclusive that it made my anxiety really bad. It was getting to the point that just the thought of having to go to the grocery store, made me super anxious. That's when I decided that something had to give. I really needed to stop and re-evaluate everything and take on a new approach to get myself back on track. I know it sounds silly to say that I started working out when so much work was (is) to be had right here on the property and that, that alone is a workout but in reality, it really isn't. It's just not the same. Since I have started working out (weight training), I have gotten so much stronger. My back pain is at an all-time low and it has helped me to face the [work] that needs to be done outside, without getting over exhausted or tired or with feeling sore and achy.
And the other major positive was that it boosted my confidence and decreased my anxiety, hence why we have started to leave our little farm more in favor of "getting out". Because it's good at keeping the stress at bay and sometimes it's just nice to get out every so often and not feel so tied down in one spot all of the time.
Anyways...
Since then, our plans have changed a lot. At one point we talked about moving up north to be closer to my family. At the time I thought it would solve my "issues" but now I know it wasn't the solution. My husband started a new job (that he loves) around this time so we decided to just stay put, at least for now, and to not commit to any sort of specific date or timeline, in terms of moving. And to just focus on what we have now and take each day as it comes.
Then we thought about moving "closer" to his work. I was excited by the idea of being close to town and everything else and of course for my husband to have a shorter commute but after driving through some HOA communities, as nice as they were and as much as I could somewhat see myself living there, it just made me fear that if we went through with it, we would regret the decision. We would somehow find ourselves sitting in our tiny backyard, surrounded by a fence and houses and think about the property we gave up. Because getting where we are right now (property) was pure luck. People in our area just don't put their property w/land up for sale. They hold onto it or pass it down. So we got extremely lucky and I feared that if we did sell it, we would later regret that decision, shorter commute and close to everything or not, I feared we would regret selling the dream property that basically fell right into our laps, 2 years ago.
So again, we are taking everything one day at a time and just focus on our health and mental clarity and happiness.
I have also started putting some work back into the garden again. Not much because I am still trying to figure out what I want to plant. And as you can see, it's almost mid-June and I am still talking about planting things (in zone 8a, mind you) but that's what happens when you hit a dark spot. You lose interest and focus on things and those things get neglected. But whatever, I found myself back in the garden last weekend. Pulling the weeds and cleaning up the raised beds that we put in back in February.
I already have tomatoes and peppers growing. Their doing [okay]. Their reeling from the effects of my lack of attention but soon enough, I am hopeful they will come right back.
I planted some zucchini and some flower seeds. I know the zucchini will sprout without any issues but the flowers could be hit or miss. We shall see!
I have a couple more beds to clean up and fill up with some more compost soil and I want to get a few other things in the ground. Luckily, because of where we live, it stays warm for a long time so I am not in a race to beat the clock (or calendar) and we can grow through the winter as well so I have that to plan out and look forward to as well.
Our flock of chickens has sadly dwindled down to just two hens (we still have the two roosters). The downfalls of free-ranging... We have 11 RIR's that are almost 4 months old now. We have been integrating them with the bigger ones at night, in the coop but they're not ready to free range just yet. Soon though, very soon!
I hope you enjoyed my "little update". I also hope that maybe, if you ever find yourself dealing with anxiety or depression, don't be afraid to fight back. I know it's hard, it took me a year to be able to get to a point where I could fight back but just know that you never have to settle. Never settle for whatever negativity you might be feeling. I mean, we're all human. It's normal to feel negative or sad sometimes but when it becomes constant, know that, that is not normal. Experiment and force yourself to do something new. It's hard, yes but it's worth the effort <3