School Wars

There's a reason people often say "I pulled my kid out of school" rather than "our child no longer goes to school." We pulled our kid out when I realized she actually didn't have to endure the war we found ourselves in and we saved our little "soldier."

Maybe you think it is a bit dramatic to use the metaphor of war. But many kids are being beaten down physically and psychologically at school daily and some people actually have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from attending school. Some might think that bullying is different from school, but just think about how school is portrayed in TV and movies. Without a bully character it would be unrealistic.. And boring because school is generally boring. One actually well known and ridiculous criticism of homeschooling is that kids won't learn how to deal with bullies if they don't go to school. How will they get through real life? By calling the police and having someone arrested for "assault and harassment" and getting an order of protection if necessary to keep the jerk away. That's how adults are able to deal with bullies. In my daughter's case the bullies were actual staff at the school. It's child abuse but schools are allowed to abuse kids mentally (and arguably physically too) but we call it school.

Just dealing with the school system as a schooled adult was incredibly difficult. I remember now, years later, attending desperate meetings with smug dismissive 'professionals' who shocked me with insults and lies and made me shake with anger. I was often in tears after meetings. (When I was a child, school rarely made me cry from what I remember anyway). But the stress was really because I was trying to help my daughter and I was powerless against a bloated government bureaucracy that was doing everything they could do to not help my daughter. I couldn't force them to care and legal action to force them to follow the law seemed to be a waste since I couldn't force them to care about my daughter as a human being. Before meetings at the school, I would be doing deep breathing to calm myself, as I gripped my binder of paperwork and documents and entered the secured prison-like building. I was particularly impressed by the intimidation I still felt entering a school after so many years as an adult. This subservience had been drilled into my mind from my thirteen years of being a "good student" who never defied authority and caused trouble. Well, I learned that I had to cause trouble in order to try to advocate for my child. I learned to question the validity of the school system relatively quickly but I believe that is only due to the fact that, as an adult, other entrenched falsehoods in society had become harshly revealed to me and I recognized the plot of the story and knew the inevitable conclusion. I know for a fact that I'm not alone among parents in my experience with the school system especially as a parent of a child with "special needs." In the end, the best choice was to pick up my child and not go back.

Most people will admit that the school system is at the very least flawed. Parents are desperate for answers and fixes and keep asking the state to fix itself. The US education system is apparently behind other first world nations and kids are depressed, anxious and committing suicide at record numbers. Maybe these kids are so disturbed partly because they are faced with the fact that their ongoing experience won't end until after 12th grade and they just can't see another way out of it. Often their parents don't know how bad it is until it's too late and the importance of staying in the system at all costs crumbles suddenly like a house of cards when they are struggling to release their dead child from a hangman noose in their bedroom.

Is school horrific for all kids? Thankfully no, although all kids are negatively affected by the programmed shaming, ridiculous value and reward system, bullying (direct or indirect), age segregation, labeling and are taught that blind obedience to authority is rewarded in life. If kids have any disabilities this programming can have a horrible impact not just on the quality of education they receive... as they are crammed into a large class with weak accommodations... but also on the child's self esteem when these kids just can't measure up to the norm. They learn to view themselves as weaker and of less value.

Although it is illegal to homeschool in some countries, even when homeschooling in the US we are controlled and judged by the system directly via regulations in our individual states but also indirectly through judgment and bullying by a society full of indoctrinated devout school worshippers. These people often believe there actually isn't enough control, even in the strictest of states like the one I personally live in now. There are a few homeschooling parents I've met who still adore the school system and even look to it for approval. And they sometimes hope to find a way to shoehorn their misfit kid back into the system someday so they can be "normal" again. These homeschoolers remind me of those kids who want so much to be part of the popular clique in school that they are willing to do the cool kids' homework just so they are acknowledged. Even if it is with mocking laughter.

Most often, it's a homeschooler's extended family members who are the raging school evangelists. They feel like they have skin in the game and big emotions and fear. They won't have school events to attend and there won't be any good school grades and awards to brag about. They are sometimes willing to sacrifice family relationships because straying from the school system it's just too alien an idea for them to wrap their heads around. It shakes their very foundation supporting what is normal and right with the world, particularly if they are current or retired teachers or school administrators. Sometimes it's seen as abusive to keep a child from the school experience no matter what the alternative and there are fears that the child will be "weird" (also known as non-conformist). And those who work in the schools might feel rejected or offended by the very idea that homeschooled kids might actually be ok without their teaching skills. Also, I'm sure that no one with a heart wants to accept that by working inside the system that they were complicit in damaging or at least neglecting some children whether or not they realized it. And they got paid to do it too. With summers off. It's really very sad that families are ripped apart either way. Either you send your child away every weekday for thirteen years or you lose your extended family support and also friends. Some people choose to send their child away even if the child is obviously suffering so as to stay in good graces, always with hopes that it will just get better or maybe things will be better in school next year after a magical summer reset. Sadly, the effects of family and peer pressure don't end when school ends.

It is very interesting to me, but not surprising, that people send their kids to school every day for years and then freak when they find out their child is being abused by staff (basically, hello, strangers), or by other children due to poor supervision, or their child is being taught things that the parent thinks are inappropriate or wrong. Some parents of special need kids are now sending their kids to school with GPS devices that can also send audio so they can listen and make sure their child isn't being beaten, kidnapped or has wandered off school grounds. While elopement in the autistic population is a huge danger and these devices are a good idea for that issue, I suggest that if parents feel that they need a device like this to spy on their child's school day in order to feel their child is safe then something is very wrong with school supervision.

When something does go horribly wrong, parents may try to fight to fix the situation and to hold someone accountable for it. A teacher might be temporarily sent home (aka vacation) and the child might be moved to a different class or school as if they are not all the same (punishment). On social media, other parents respond to news stories of abuse and horrid school security camera footage, voicing their support for the poor parents and child with angry emojis while gushing in delusion about how great their child's school is and how grateful they are for it. It's just one bad apple (or two) you see. Thank goodness it's all OK now. But seriously, there really is no oversight, effective supervision or responsibility taken for ongoing systemic failures. There are teachers who suddenly retire early or are reprimanded for wrongdoings maybe. They use these events as excuses to ask for more funding. There are policies created with catchy bold names like Zero Tolerance and anti-bullyimg campaigns that really don't work because these policies and programs put the blame and responsibility on the children for the failures of school rather than the grown ass adults we pay to supervise and teach children.

Oversight of education outside of the school system, for the sole reason that it's not school, just is not logical. Parents are left responsible for the feeding and clothing of their babies and children without direction or regulations in order to keep them alive, but making sure they learn to read and pass the almighty standardized tests? Oh NO, that's way more important and complicated and only the government can do that using their approved curriculum! It becomes obvious quickly that strict state homeschool regulations are really just to inflict busywork punishment on parents who have the unmitigated gall to take responsibility for their children's education. It's also a way to make sure we don't forget who the real boss is. So logic isn't necessary. Some homeschoolers say they're glad to have regulations because it forces them to keep records for their child and teach them well. These are responsible and intelligent people who really believe, or want to believe maybe, that without force from the state that they wouldn't do what's best for their child. More belief that we need an authority to do things right. Often homeschoolers who say things like this are of the school apologist variety in my experience. Most of the arguments for strict oversight of homeschooling that I've read, really end up reducing the down to base fears that kids that don't attend school will just be secretly abused, starved or murdered by their parents because the parents know the school won't see their faces or mark them absent... Thank goodness school is protecting our kids from our abusive tendencies! Because no child is ever secretly abused for years and years while attending school. Anyone with half a brain knows that is pure garbage. Then there is the terrifying thought that there will be no prom (some homeschoolers actually do organize proms). Or there is the worst fear of all... That kids will be raised with religious beliefs that won't be kneecapped daily at school. The horror! But really the state uses sterotypes and myths to push the schooling public into bullying, rejecting and suspecting homeschoolers of horrible things. It works well in combination with their decade plus of indoctrination. When I can't go to a grocery store during a weekday with my child without being questioned suspiciously by a cashier as to why my child isn't in school, that tells me it works.

Ironically, educating people about the history of the compulsory schooling system and its true purpose, along with the truth of what life can look like outside of the school system, is how this closed mindset will be changed and parents will maybe be strong enough to fight the pressure to conform at all costs if they want to do so. The Internet is making this possible now. Learning the truth about schooling is eye-opening information to be sure but complicated and, frankly, easy to dismiss as conspiracy or "the past." Thankfully, adult homeschooled kids, at least, will grow up knowing that there are other options for their own children. But no matter the education choice, informed consent is a goal we all should strive for in a free society. But, sadly, most parents are not informed at all and just default to government school until the shit hits the fan or refuse to believe the negative impacts of compulsory government schooling or feel there is really no other option in order for their child to "succeed" in life. Some kids enter the school system eventually and it can be a good experience for them sometimes if they really want to be there. When the force is removed and they are told they will be welcomed home if they change their mind, kids know they have a choice. Just knowing they have a choice to be there and can leave if it becomes horrible makes a world of difference in the experience.

Like most cultural norms in society that are really just belief systems with weak supports... things that are 'just done' and 'it was fine for me'... School will have to get much, much worse, especially for the "typical" kids, aka the kids who seem to do ok in school, before the system starts to really collapse. When parents start pulling out kids in droves, some will inevitably start voting to reduce the school taxes that they are still being forced to pay (which are wasted). Without the tax dollars and the "butts-in-the-seats" subsidies, the wealthier districts will no longer be able to distract parents with "free" Ipads, laptops and pretty classrooms full of empty promises. The inner cities and poor areas of the US have been suffering for a very long time from this and the lack of options. When the middle and upper class finally feels the real pain, things might actually start to change and the result will benefit everyone. Parents will be forced to decide if they want something more than expensive glorified government daycare for their kids and if they really want to keep fighting for the fantasy.

As a result of the slow collapse of the system, school alternatives like homeschooling would probably face even more attacks than it already endures every year in the US. Our choices could easily be crushed by the emerging socialist tendencies if we don't vote carefully. That said, even self-proclaimed liberty loving Libertarians have been known to support homeschooling oversight to prevent the populace from becoming 'illiterate, religious fundamentalists who believe the earth is flat.' The indoctrination runs deep. There are already ongoing cries from more progressive leaning sources insisting that homeschooling parents are actually selfish for not keeping their kids in the failing school system for the 'greater good.' Seriously?? Let me know when you're moving your family to a third world country for the greater good. By the way, this idea wrongly blames the non-homeschooling families for the state of the school system and romanticizes homeschoolers as better parents or are smarter, which is ridiculous. I reject the idea that homeschoolers care more about their children and would somehow be able to help drag the system up by its ears with their fruitless fighting against the machine. Most already tried that which is why they are homeschooling. But it's actually a guilt tactic most effective on people who subscribe to collectivist beliefs. My heart really goes out to families who are suffering and the parents who can't (or even just feel they can't) do anything about it. It is really telling that when homeschooling is actually an option, a lot of parents who successfully completed compulsory schooling and maybe even college or more, still may feel like they are not competent enough to educate their six year old. School has accomplished its goal to create its future customers apparently.

Our personal dealings with the school system won't really be over until our daughter is no longer under the thumb of the state regulations. But, at least, she won't become a casually of war. Just a refugee maybe.

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For more information about the US school system and alternative schooling, I recommend the works of John Taylor Gatto (https://www.johntaylorgatto.com) and Dr. Peter Gray (https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/peter-gray-phd) and talking to homeschooling parents in your neighborhood. (: