Thanks for the warm wishes. Your story is pain filled and reminiscent of mine and I am sure many others. I'm glad you found your way out of the shame and guilt.
Thanks for the warm wishes. Your story is pain filled and reminiscent of mine and I am sure many others. I'm glad you found your way out of the shame and guilt.
Thank you, @countrygirl. I am sorry you experienced sadness as a child too. It is my hope that we can all share our experiences to be able to move forward. I know many others have had difficult times growing up. It's unfortunate that our culture puts such a taboo on cutting ties with your "family of origin." Until you live through it, you will never know the pain and heartache of feeling like an extra. And I think the good that comes out of these experiences is making the decision to do things differently by breaking what was probably a long cycle of unhealthy patterns of child-rearing.
In a tongue and cheek kind of way, I usually refer to this huge push to "fit in" as the cult of the family. I'm guilty of it - there is still a lot of shame and guilt to overcome. Thanks for validating my pain and understanding that those who have wonderful family ties really don't/can't understand the heartache and with good intentions may contribute to more pain by saying things like, "they are your parents", or "your family". I have become more tolerant and sensitive to those who don't have healthy family ties.
It's ironic....today I was at a shopping place. My father whom I have not seen in years walked by me. I stared at him, maybe waiting for him to acknowledge me, I don't know. But he took three looks and kept walking.
Oh no! That is unbelievably bad. And some would tell you that it didn't happen like that. Or you are right. "He's still your father." As if we owe them something. The good intentions advice does do more harm than good. How could anyone understand what it is like, as you said? How can an adult completely ignore his own child? As you and I know, it happens. And it wreaks havoc on our own lives until we accept that we were never the problem. I feel like an orphan even though my parents are both living. My choice, but one I had to make to keep my sanity and probably even save my life.
I absolutely get it. Thankfully, I am "practiced" enough to accept the pain and let it go....until the next time.
It was nice sharing with you. Thanks!
Until the next time - yes! It's a constant battle in my head, but at least I know it's not real anymore. It was nice to chat with you too, and thank you.