Awww, that picture captures the text perfectly. 😁 (except that's a whisky glass! 😛)

If I was to give you a tip I'd say your writing is too wordy. You can remove several words from several places and the text will just flow better (I can give you examples if you want 🙂). Especially for this sort of piece, the writing needs to be super tight for it to have its maximum effect. As is, it's a nice ahhh rather than the possible woah.

Keep on writing. 👍

🍻