Every time, after a chance meeting and communication with a familiar person, whom I have not seen for several years, I catch myself on the inner feeling of discomfort, as if something is wrong... And, listening to my soul, I realize that I was not myself, the real one, and involuntarily adjusted to the former image that the person had already formed about me.
Is that right?
Yes, to some extent conforming is an inherent duty of every person while he or she is in society. But the need to conform is also something that can prevent many people from changing and becoming who they want to be.
"Up to a certain point, reputation is a great thing. After that, it's a torment." (Robert Asprin)
Because by forcing ourselves to conform to our social reputation, we often begin to behave the way our environment - our family, our coworkers, our friends and acquaintances - expects us to behave. For fear of being misunderstood and unaccepted, we pretend, giving up a part of ourselves. The part of ourselves that wants to be new, different and spontaneous.
We hide even from those closest to us, because if I hide behind a mask under which no one will recognize me, I won't have to deal with who I am..
And over time, we trust others' attitudes toward us more than we realize who we really are. And this can lead us away from our personal authentic selves and prevent us from moving toward our own goals.
Ask yourself - who is controlling you and your opinion of yourself? You or your society? Are you unique and independent, or is your identity a projection based on the projections of others?
"Worry more about your character than your reputation, for your character is who you really are, whereas your reputation is only what others think of you." (John Wooden)
So if you want to change your life, you must be decisive and courageous by openly manifesting the changed part of your personality.
And to make your reputation and character match, focus on your current identity. You may not have noticed how it has changed yourself. And now your urge for personal freedom is constantly being replaced by the comfort of conformity. Isn't that why you've become so hard and uncomfortable in your usual social circle?..
So if your new identity wants something different, do it! Defeat the societal oppression that keeps you caged and stifles your potential. Become yourself - real to yourself and new to others.
So that when we look back, we don't regret having lived a life that can't be called our own..
This is such a powerful post, Aleksey. You have no idea how much it resonated with me. Last year, I found myself in a position where I had to ignore potential damage to my reputation that spurious comments made by someone else might have and focus instead on trusting that my character would speak for itself. Fun fact? Character won out!!! I know that is not quite how you presented the reputation and character here, but I also resonate with what you said from several perspectives. In life, we change. At some point, we outgrow different aspects of ourselves. We become ourselves but ver. 2.0 then 3.0 and so on. The problem with holding onto legacy versions of ourselves is that we can no longer support them, and when something goes wrong... that's it! The shift change is forced to happen anyway, and ultimately the fallout can be much bigger than if we had simply allowed ourselves the luxury of organic growth as and when it happened. I am a firm believer in being authentic to oneself, and in turn, being authentic with those around me. I would rather be real and honest with ME and who I am with YOU and to GOD than play games to appease and to fit in with social constructs. And I would much rather that YOU be the most real version of yourself and be happy and in integrity than feel stifled by the existence of old boundaries and expectations, both self-imposed and otherwise. Go and spread your beautiful butterfly wings, my friend, fly and be free!!! !LUV !PIMP !LADY
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Thank you so much!)) This was my first attempt to write something after a long break, and I didn't expect to be able to properly express what I wanted to say... . And I'm very glad that it resonated in your heart and you were able to describe it much deeper and more vividly)) Thank you!)))
You expressed it perfectly. I simply explained what it meant to me 💗
It's definitely important to decide what our version of self is. We should present the best of that whenever possible.
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This is so real, Alekst. I can't begin to talk about the societal pressure I've put on myself in the past because I was used to people seeing me in some type of way and didn't want to fall short on that perspective of me. It was exhausting and unhealthy. We need to do better by ourselves and this writing, with its few words, exemplify just how necessary it is to be true to ourselves.💕
Thank you, it was my pleasure to be of service to you) I wish you determination, patience and harmony in your heart)
This is post is so reflectional and I can say that I resonate with it. I can't say how much I have been moved by what many people would think about me that I lost sense of who I was and what I was supposed to be. And that itself is way more harder than assuming your identity.
I was telling someone that I became so reliant on people that it showed in every aspect of my life. I cared what people thought. Not like I stopped caring but I am now more in control of what I let get to me.
Thank you for this really profound post.
Thank you too) I'm very glad I could be of service to you)