After all, it had been two years since she'd seen him, and the last time they saw each other, she promised herself that she wouldn't give in to that desire anymore.
They had known each other for 15 years but lived far apart. During all the time they knew each other, they only saw each other in person 3 times, those only 3 times were enough for her to catch fire every time.
The two met on the internet, but the connection they had was as if it were from past lives, when they saw each other in person they felt like touching each other all the time, they tried at any opportunity to defy Newton's third law, which says that two bodies cannot occupy the same space. After all, when they were together, they could swear they were one.
However, although they loved each other very much, they had never been able to really be together. They were always with other people, they both had too many responsibilities in the very city they lived in for them to drop everything to live with each other. Two years ago she'd decided she'd better stop this altogether, because every time she left she felt her heartbreak, and Charlie felt the same way.
Jessica was sure she no longer wanted him when the opportunity arose to visit the city where he lived. Both were committed to other people, but they arranged to see each other to have a few beers together with their companions.
When she saw him, she hugged him, the hug lasted less than she would like, but it was necessary that it be that way so that his wife wouldn't find it strange or feel jealous, at the same time, Jessica was also worried about her husband.
They talked and drank a little, they laughed, they both felt nothing much complicated most of the time there, nothing that made them uncomfortable and sad, it was being a relaxed night.
Until… For a moment, their eyes met, that moment only lasted about 5 seconds as she took her glass of beer, while he took a bite of food. But the two pairs of eyes in that instant dilated, Jessica's heart sped up, and at that moment, she could only think of one thing... One single thing:
- Holy crap.
Awww, that picture captures the text perfectly. 😁 (except that's a whisky glass! 😛)
If I was to give you a tip I'd say your writing is too wordy. You can remove several words from several places and the text will just flow better (I can give you examples if you want 🙂). Especially for this sort of piece, the writing needs to be super tight for it to have its maximum effect. As is, it's a nice ahhh rather than the possible woah.
Keep on writing. 👍
🍻
Thanks for the tip. My biggest problem is with English, I don't write fluently, so I use the help of google, maybe that's why sometimes I seem wordy.
I found the writing interesting, some times I got caught and others I just read and that's it, I advise you to accompany the narrative with images to not tire us, remember that we are not professional writers and we do not have that way to catch in the reading alone, the images also add content and imagination to the narrative also help to rest the eyes.
Keep up the good work, My Blessings.
Me pareció interesante el escrito, algunas veces me atrapo y otras solo leí y ya, te aconsejo que acompañes la narrativa con imágenes para no cansarnos , recordemos que no somos escritores profesionales y no tenemos esa manera de atrapar en la lectura solamente, las imágenes ademas que agregan contenido e imaginación a la narrativa también ayudan al descanso de la vista.
sigue adelante Mis Bendiciones.
Thanks so much for the tip! Glad you liked it.
This is a wonderful short story. It captures the pain of separation and shock in that electric moment where they meet each others gaze! I wonder what might happen next?
I would perhaps start off a little differently- Maybe just start with
Opens things up dramatically from the very beginning! Regardless well done!
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I really liked it. Couldn't even tell that your written english wasn't fluent, which is doubly impressive 😁 great job!
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