What I know for sure, there is a huge gap between the thought or wishes or intentions in our head, and real acting. You can feel hatred or anger to a particular person that is caused by something terrible. But just imagine you have a gun in your hand, or a knife. And things changed. At least for me. That's why I don't understand... But this just means we are too different
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When I was a child, I stayed with my grandmother for a few years in the country. Then, like the silly child I was, as well as my playmates, I killed various small animals, lizards, frogs, and insects. Then I wanted to grow birds and I had nowhere to get them, so I took chicks from nests and tried to look after them myself. The chicks didn't want to feed and died.
It took several years of growing up to understand what terrible deeds I had done.
I haven't killed a fly since. The spiders my wife is afraid of I catch in the house, with care, and take them outside. I have a permanent feeling of guilt because of these childhood mistakes.
It is unimaginable to think of harming a human being but I know that if I were a soldier I could not choose, I could not refuse orders, but I think I'd try to be human. Of course, this is theoretical, nobody knows how they react in real situations, as they are now in wartime.
We grow learning from mistakes. You have become a wonderful person, humane and capable of compassion. If everyone could be like that
Yes, we need to learn from our mistakes. Thanks for what you said.