External Fire only consumes those who are empty inside

Have you ever experienced being gaslighted by reacting to what someone just said and did to you? that's manipulation.

Today, I came across a family member, who slammed the door just in front of me, and told me I get so overly dramatic when I get angry, like seriously, I didn't do anything dramatic and for me "Who is it that just slammed the door? is it me? for you to call me dramatic? 🤨 alright, I don't want to come clean and justify my mistake, I think i spoke too much about the reason I get angry, often times we call it "nagging" I get it, but not to the point of slamming the door, I felt like, so I should be quiet and suppress my emotion, and tolerate disrespect , just so the house would be peaceful?

Wrong, very wrong, emotional Intelligence is something that is not taught in the school and definitely not in most homes, growing up in an Asian household, you must suppress your emotion in order to not be tagged/called as weak, dramatic, needy and brat.

Hello my Dear Hivers from around the world, I hope everyone is doing well, It is already Thursday (Philippines time) and today, I will share with you my experienced for being gaslighted, how healthily set my boundaries, and successfully handled it without causing major friction, I was so angry that I get inside my room, quietly, let my emotion subside and read the book that leads to a very important reflection and my current reading is "Let Them Theory By Mel Robbins".

Children who learnt to suppress their emotions grow as emotionally immature people, it is either you break someone, such as a narcissist, who don't reallty care about others, or you break yourself, by being so overly sensitive and by always blaming yourself that it is always you, who is the problem and you need to shrink yourself, make yourself feel so small, so others would be comfortable and not offended, being emotionally healthy, on the other hand, is understanding, that your environment has nothing to do with your inner self.

Firstly, you have to learn to set boundaries and not let outer emotion penetrate you or worse determine your own emotion, you don't let other people control your emotion, that's your personal power, and so in order for us to fully understand these surge of feelings, we have to feel them, understand where it is it coming from, and that is what we call "compassion" and when we say compassion, we offer it not only to others but we also apply it in ourselves, just as how we forgive others and let them feel and flow their emotions, we too, should also allow our emotions to be felt, without interrupting or suppressing it and just let it flow. It is normal, it is a reminder that we are human. It is as normal as eating when we are hungry, drinking when we are thirsty and sleeping when we are tired. So why do we have to apologize for feeling our emotions?

Emotional maturity is not really pretending to be a rock, it is acknowledging the emotion, learning from it, and letting it flow. In the evening, I am still quiet, there is so much tension in the house and I can feel it, when a family member came to attack me once more trying to trigger me, and so I stood my ground, calmly told her that it was her who just slammed the door and just before she can speak, I asked her if I wasn't allowed to be angry? and why? I noticed the humiliation in her face, she is now facing accountability, and she doesn't know how to handle it, she is about to throw it back on me and I stood firmly, tried to stop myself from crying, and told everyone, that just like them, I have emotion too, and my emotion is valid, so they shouldn't treat my emotion as being childish, and not because I am the youngest, I was the weakest, and I went into my room, I felt a sense of pride of how maturely I handled it, I don't have to wait for her response, I didn't communicate for that, what I just said is a complete statement, and doesn't need any validation.

So if ever you come across someone who gaslights you, know that feeling your emotion is okay, it's normal, feel it, never suppress your emotion, apologize or even feel sorry for having it, communicate in a healthy way, if you can, and now, it is up to them how they will handle boundaries.

Thank you so much for keeping up with my rant until this part. I am really glad that we have a community like this where you can just be as honest and no one judges you.

Screenshot was taken from the book "Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins"