A Holiday Recap

Hey hivers! It's been awhile! I apologize for being inactive. I was so busy these past few days because of fully booked schedules for my photography business.

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Being in the shoes of a Photographer experiencing Burnout

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I got so drained physically to the point wherein it wasn't really much of a joy to take photos anymore. For awhile, I felt unhappy with what I'm doing. I guess what I've experienced is called burnout. But right now, I am taking my time to rest, breathe, and recover from all the energy I've lost along the way. I know it was supposed to be a happy holiday since we're free from academic workload. But I wasn't really able to enjoy it that much because of my part time job as a photographer.

I knew that what I'm feeling was really bad when I started being drowned with negative emotions such as quitting portrait photography for good because I don't think I can still find joy with what I'm doing especially if some of my clients are unappreciative of my works. I had a tough insecurity by the end of 2021 because I feel like I am not good and worthy enough as a person in general. But I covered up what I'm feeling by enjoying moments with my family.

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Spending holidays with family

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We actually spent Christmas and New Year together, it was fun but I just knew that something was missing. My grandpa passed away in August 2021.

It was one of the most heartbreaking experiences that I had to go through in life which I will share with you guys in more details soon. It has become a tradition of our family to spend Christmas and New year's eve completely. But this year, our relatives living far away weren't able to go home. In addition to that, 2 of our family members went out of the country. So yeah, it was really unlike the past few years, but I'm trying my best to live in the present and not be too affected with changes in life because it just happens most of the time.

2020 vs. 2021

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Overwhelming shoots to cover

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I spent holidays taking photos and editing. There were days when I had to attend 2 events to cover and it was really sooo tiring.

In addition to that, I also have to spend hours post-processing the photos. I actually prayed for more clients to come last December because I spent my savings buying a new iphone, I'm really grateful about it but it didn't occur to me that in exchange, my mental health would decline.

Before, I didn't really like taking portraits because I'm an introvert. I prefer taking landscapes, street photographs, and astro photos since it doesn't need much interaction with people. But entering this business really made me go our of my comfort zone because it really taught me to make conversations and entertain my clients as well.

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Letting go of Olet, the best doggo

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I just also wanna share that as we were celebrating New Year, our dog has passed away😞 Up until today I still can't move on that he already left us for good. But I guess it is for the better since he was already suffering too much due to his skin condition which only got worse during the holiday season. It was sooo hard to look at him that time because the pain and suffering was really visible in his eyes. But he fought well up until the last night we were able to see him. During New Year's eve, I knew that he was already in a bad shape. I took my time to cuddle him and whisper that we're ready to let him go if he really wants to go rest. True enough, he died the next morning. Me and my siblings were so devastated. He was the first dog I got really attached to because I depended mostly to him during this pandemic for my emotional stability. I hope we made his stay here on earth worthwhile.

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Processing Thoughts

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I just had time to process my feelings today because asides from my business, I am also on the process of data gathering for our thesis. It is so hard to be a 3rd year Medical technology Student in the midst of the pandemic guys. I had to do data collection alone even though we are a group in thesis because I am the only one living in this province currently since we're all separated in the different parts of the Philippines due to the pandemic.

I had really bad backpains every time I go to the hospital to collect data because they are still using traditional method of storing patient files. Furthermore, I am also literally risking my life by being exposed but only with the medical records staff of the institution because the COVID situation here in our country got worse after the holidays, so that would mean that the hospitals are having surge of COVID cases. But I guess I have no choice because if I won't do it out of fear, I might not be able to graduate 😅

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New reasons to keep going

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Anyway, I think God knew that somehow, I'm already starting to think of quitting. I mean I know that that day will really come since I have to divert my focus 100% on acads when I reach my 4th year in college, but not too soon. As 2022 kicked off, the universe gave me a client which redeemed back my love for portrait photography. The family that I took photos for were so welcoming and nice. I'm so happy that they trusted me during the time I doubted myself the most. They even gave me a tip. Receiving one here in the Philippines is so rare because people tend to be unappreciative of 'art'.

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Taking a break to recover and recharge

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Our classes will start at January 18. Before it happens, I am planning to take a break from accepting clients in order to focus on myself and do the things I really love to do such as exploring and taking pictures of nature. People think that being a freelancer creates more time for yourself. But for goal-driven people like me, it often leads us to being burnout because we just accept and accept and never deny when opportunity comes,and I think that's one thing that i still have to work on.

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New Year with New Goals

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Happy New Year guys! This 2022, it is one of my resolution to spend more time interacting with the community here on hive. I also hope to inspire more people with my blogs by posting more often and consistently. Sorry if this post turns out to be a rant, but I thought there's no other community I can vent out with because I know I will be understood the most by people who does the same things as mine. It was indeed a rough way to end 2021, but it was also a blessing in disguise to be secured financially.