I always noticed that when there is a great capture to be taken I do not have my Fuji with me. So I use my phone and rapidly move into action in order to get the image.
I see my passion for photography mostly as an outlet for my feelings and emotions that I cannot express verbally. An image can say a thousand words and I believe that the particular style of the photographer can say a lot about their personality and what they feel inside.
I feel black and grey. Rarely I capture colors. I like a good autumn. I love spring and mostly winter. But what I feel it describes my inner world the best is FOG.
There is a wonderful lake near the tattoo shop with swans , ducks and other wildlife. Early in the morning I go there to gather my thoughts. When it gets super foggy the atmosphere is eerie. For me it feels like a fairytale, it brings me joy , awe, but also a feeling of melancholy.
I have found myself in some occasions missing something or someone. I wondered why I felt that as I mostly went through all ordeals alone, helping myself. Why would you miss something when you are complete because you went through stuff alone? I pondered.
I looked at the fog. The simplicity of a landscape which was once complete made me realize that I can miss an idea, a thought, a good memory. It is just a thought and when I get really centered I can see the reality of the complete picture, the things that were not good. I realized I idealize and miss because I wish it would have been different. But it was not.
I am proud of myself for where I am now. I look back and I had so much courage. I have pangs of sadness though thinking of how lovely it would have been to share this new journey with someone. But I guess that inovators, true road openers , were mostly alone in their endeavours as they were thought to be crazy, too bold, too daring. I remember when I lived at the salon and I was mocked for dreaming to have a place of my own. I felt more like a loser, crying alone in that back room, thinking of how I will never escape out of it. I was depressed and only art, faith and discovering Hive helped me out mentally. When I got my place, the same people who mocked and ridiculed me congratulated me.....sad and yet this can be human nature. From that experience I learned that we should all be so gentle with a human soul because you never know how much damage your mockery can do to somebody else who is struggling with demons you have no clue about. I can now understand this better as it was done to me and I did it to others before I became self aware.
I stare at the fog again. The lake. The swans. The wildlife. I am drawn to it. The feeling that I get is that nothing is permanent. That just like the fog, some thoughts come and go. And you can decide to linger , to stay in the pain, or to soon realize that you have to wake up from a dream. I can't help but thinking of that song Dreams...Nuages...it matches exactly to what I feel.
There is a bird at this lake which drew my attention. It sits in the same spot without moving . Each morning she is there. Stuck. Like in a painting. It made me wonder how many of us are like this: stuck in a place or in a mindset. Feeling comfortable. Not moving. Not changing. Just sitting there in a spot. When there is an entire lake to explore. I really have to capture this bird with my Fuji as it is something cinematic about the whole landscape of this particular setting.
After unpacking and settling in my place I was relieved to see my baby orchid surviving. It has become my little pet. When I wake up in the morning I wish her a good morning too . Yes, artists can be weird.
It feels good to finally have some sense of balance in my life and that I head into the right direction professionally. I still feel that I have a lot to grow on a personal level and I smile looking back at the old version of myself realizing how much I needed to learn to love myself in order to attract people who would genuinely treat me right and value my presence in their life. I want to feel that I truly matter for someone, that I am genuinely loved , respected and cared for. Meanwhile I use my time drawing, trying to get my art out there and enjoying nature and of course tattoing practice.
Maybe it is good that I am alone in this journey as I get more time to grow spiritually and meet new people who would show me parts of me I still do not know.Just like the fog, the hidden landscape is in a background I cannot see yet....
I don't understand why other people doesn't appreciate black & white photos. For me, b&w is more filled with meanings and emotions compared to the colored ones. Being alone in your journey is not bad, it's beautiful especially when you meet different people along the way.
I agree with you, I feel that monochromatic images simplify the message, it distills it down to its essence.
Being alone comes with positive stuff as well. You have a lot of freedom to do whatever you want and explore. I like my freedom as I do not enjoy a strict schedule, I like to change things up and feel like I always progress. Still I can't deny I would love a cuddle at night lol. I can always hug myself right? 😅
Thank you for stopping by🤗
I also like to be alone most of the time..
Photography also helps me relieve my emotions..
And back when I was depressed, I expressed my feelings in writing..it somehow helped me get through it..
Nice shots btw
I can relate. I have moments when I enjoy it, when I actually need it. I guess this is specific for introverts, to need their alone time. I remember also how it is to feel alone when you are in fact with somebody and now that I think about it is is much more painful to be in that situation than just single.
Writing helps so much in depression! I wrote as well. I even wrote a little manuscript while I was going through it, I hope it will someday see the light of publishing...
Nature can be a great remedy , this is why I turned to it in my toughest times.
Thank you for appreciation🤗
beautyfull pictures, you really manage to get the feeling. Congrats
Thank you!
You hit the proverbial reset button. Based on experience I'd say that's the most difficult thing anyone can do, due to fear of the unknown. This fog describes things perfectly. Now look. Everything is calm. Everything is still. Everything is fresh. Nothing to be afraid of.
Getting there is the hardest part. But now nothing is bland or taken for granted, and every second counts.
Uh wow I never thought of my new experience like this.
Reset button.
Yes. This is why I feel like I am somehow a different me and I try to understand what I feel and why I feel it.
Last night as I looked myself in the mirror I had an a-ha moment: how on Earth did I had the courage to just go for it? And not only with Denmark, Germany, but also with the salon, the life choice that I made. Bold, brave and sometimes crazy decision making. On my own.
Look at all this stillness. Oh yes. When I observe this in nature it makes me realize how petty all ot my worries were and will be. I feel much more connected with a spiritual side of me. The part who knows that I am , just like you are, temporary on this blue dot. And that everything I am going through is just a journey. It makes me get out of my overthinking head and rebalance myself. Just like you run from the urban jungle and take yourself on a hill from where you can see the bigger perspective : that the Universe is bigger than what we think.
I feel that I am changing. But it feels like a change toward a version of myself I buried long time ago. It is definetely a scary process to start all over again. But is shows you what you are made of. And here I shall say that tough romanian cookie is an understatement and I am proud of this version of myself. The one who think she will do it all, without fear.
I wake up in gratitude every day. When I feel the demons of the past circling me around with sadness, regret, melancholy, I bring myself into the present. I am here because I brought myself here. Through faith and grit. Solo. And that is by any definition brave
Thank you 🤗
I'm becoming, bored; unfulfilled. Been thinking about hitting that reset button, again. Unsure where I want to take myself though. Sometimes I think I use that button too much. You said there's a version you buried. That clicked with me. Might have to dig up my grave to see what remains. Something's missing. Not sure what yet.
I was away from here for awhile again so trying to get caught up with everyone. You're in a good place both physically and mentally by the sounds of it; and proud, as you should be. Good to see.
I see where you are coming from and I can understand it so well.
I think that hardships can change you. The kind of hardships that are like a storm for your soul. You know those people who at a certain point, something clicked for them and they were never the same again? I feel this might be a possibility for all of us. The graves we have been digging for the better version of ourselves we did not believe in. I never knew how strong I can be until life brought me to my knees. I did not know my heart can still heal after having a painful heartbreak. After a while, I can look upon the older me...and somehow that makes me dig and rediscover myself. It is odd. You reflect on the old you and this makes you get to the new-hidden version of yourself.
Change is good. I think it is so easy to get into a rut. And do what you always did. No matter if it implies pain or pleasure.
People suffer in silence. While they post stories , reels and shorts. I know it. Because just like everybody else I am human.
But I think that it is worth sitting with your own pain, boredom, existential dread. Because it tells a story. About who you forgot to be. And just like in the fog....it takes extra awareness to rediscover yourself.
I am in a better place. I now compare myself to the one I was yesterday. It is better. I won't lie and pretend I am super completely healed. I am on the journey. But aren't we all?
I suprised myself the other days when an idea about possibly having a family one day, a life where Home feels like a place I would like to have with someone, popped into my mind. I often saw myself alone. I take it as a good sign, that I am healing emotionally. I think the Universe will always give us what we need in order to be better. I think I needed all I had been through in order to get to this version of me now, who speaks to you and to myself in the same time. Odd. Such is life.
Stay strong, we are all on a journey.
No need. We all have scars. They add character. Over time I think we all get better at treating our wounds.
lol.. No clue why I like speaking in metaphors so much.
Oh it feels like you took a deep dive under the photos and picked up the emotional gemstone underneath the written words. It takes great emotional intuition to grasp these fine subtleties in my post.
I feel many can relate with what I feel. Everyone has been through heartbreaks, sorrow and changes. It leaves something inside your soul you need to tackle with. It was there before the event would happen, in the end I guess it is all about our individual journey as human beings. To see what can I become with the hand given by the Universe right now, in this very moment.
I teach myself to remain in the present and stop ruminating about the past. Also I unlearn myself about idealizing people, wishing they would have been different. It is a gift I offer to myself, to learn to let someone or something go. It can bring sadness but once I recenter myself I realize that you can't park a future in an occupied place by the past especially when it is obvious that those people moved on while I remained mentally and emotionally stuck.
Nature helps me. Art, photography, writing and just remaining my creative self helps me. Wherever I go, I learn to build a house within myself, a house in which I can always find peace and calm. Currently it is under construction. I am on the right path .
Thank you for your words , they resonated with me🤗
I thought about it and I started to share a bit more of my inner world when I do book reviews, I have a Youtube channel where I try to upload the best books I have read.
I have been told that I have a very good voice for a podcast, someone suggested me I should read fairytales or long stories as some might find them very relaxing.
As when it comes to my deepest inner thoughts Hive is mostly my outlet. In the end I think of education and the power of example as the only means to inspire other people to change.
I reflect on a lot of things and often I feel I can look at things beyond the form. I am also in a continuous learning process. I feel that living life on Earth is actually such a tiny drop in an ocean. I am 32 and years passed by in a split of a second. It makes me realize how we can look at experiences in a different way if we choose to notice how time can wash away many emotions or on the contrary to keep them trapped.
I thought yesterday on one of my walks about an idea: while the Earth breathes just for a second millions of lives have already happened and passed. That powerful I see the perspective on time and space. I often think of how good it is to be detached and think that we indeed are just spiritual beings having this interesting, complicated by emotions, human experience....