I cannot give what I do not have

Since we live in a world where anxiety prevails, it is necessary to remove the weight of anxiety in order to live in harmony. I must confess that I suffer from anxiety disorder and this has a great impact on my personal relationships. With the passage of time I have become very sensitive and empathetic, we could say that this is very positive because I do not want to be an indolent and insensitive human being who is only interested in their welfare. However, I have had to learn to balance empathy and to understand that there are too many things that are out of my hands, such as solving other people's problems.

At this point I want to clarify that I would love to have the patience it takes to be able to listen carefully to a friend with anxiety without it hurting me but it has not been easy for me. For some reason many people feel the confidence to unburden themselves to me; friends, cousins and other family members. This could be a compliment because it inspires confidence but on the other hand it is a double-edged sword because it also overloads me emotionally, so I have chosen to learn to listen in order to comfort but without buying the problem. I am not a psychologist or motivational coach but some circumstances that I have had to live serve as tools to help those who let themselves be helped, it is nice to do it as long as this does not generate muscle tension along with other conditions.

Something that has helped me a lot to not equip myself with the anxiety of others is to do mental hygiene. After I feel that something about someone close to me is affecting me, I think about what I can do to reach out and what I can't do. It is a practical measure because it leads me to be modest, I recognize that I have limitations and that I have enough with my own problems, however, I always strive to do only what is within my reach because I cannot give what I do not have. And when I talk about what I don't have, I am referring not only to material things but to my energy. When I simply do not feel competent to listen to someone anxious I change the conversation and choose not to read the messages they leave me and it is not that I am indolent but that I do not have the necessary energy to address the concerns of others.

On the other hand, it has also helped me a lot not to get attached to any friend, I have many but it is not that I go with them everywhere, no, I am very independent with respect to that and they know it. Those who have stayed in my life knowing that I will not always be there for them are my true friends because they understand that I am not an omnipresent goddess and I accept the same from them. So I have friends with a healthy distance and they may consider that impossible but it is not so. Each person has a life to live, problems to solve, joys to celebrate and even if we want to, I won't always be there and they won't always be there for me. It sounds a bit harsh but it is the reality.

The point is that we must learn to respect the privacy of others, if I have a problem but some friend at that moment cannot hear me, I do not bother, he is still my friend, I know that there will also be a time when he will need me and I will not be there, not because I do not want to but because I have a life, a reduced time or a back that is already very loaded with problems. The point is that it has worked out for me to have friends but without attachments.

When I am emotionally well and I have energy if I allow myself to help someone who is having a bad time because of anxiety or whatever, I am one of those who think I should treat others as I wish to be treated and as we are in this world that is a machine that runs at full speed producing anxiety, I am sure that tomorrow I may be the one who needs an empathic ear to listen to me but even if I do not get it I will understand that it is not because they do not want to help me, but because they are also burdened by something and I will turn to nature, there I find peace.

The photos are my own taken with a Realme 7i