You have quite similar state to a person I love. As I have always told him, I hope you are not blaming yourself for reaching this weight. You know it ain't your fault and still, you can fix it. Quiet hard to get through if we only think of the appearance, but what is more important is our health and we are just fighting for our health. Moreover, please don't think of yourself as a useless, you may have been exhausted somehow and that makes you locked the best value inside for a moment. I have a reminder for myself like this "They are not bad, they just can't sometimes give us the best though they want."