I wish I could give you better advice.
I know in my heart and I'm completely convinced that had I not been diagnosed as "Clinically Depressed" and getting on medication for it, I would be dead today.
After years and years of rehabs I had not been able to stop drinking and doing drugs, I'd lost everything and burned all my bridges back home.
Being on the antidepressants gave me some levelling so that I could finally stop and stay off them,
But after more than 10 yrs sober, and wanting to try Chantix for smoking cessation (no antidepressants allowed, so I got off the MH med, and in two months stopped smoking cigs) it was when I realized I dropped the weight directly resulting from dropping those meds.
So I have PTSD/OCD and severe anger management issues, but I do NOT take any MH meds on a regular basis, using counseling and meditation instead.
So having lost everything to 40 yrs of drugs and alcohol, I now own my own home, I have enough disability income to take care of all my bills and I am doing well. I am alone, and likely to remain that way; been a grumpy old man too long to change I guess 🤣
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Sounds very similar to me, i struggled with drink and drugs for a long while, diagnosed with schizophrenia at 25, it's been a tough road, but i have some good friends now a days to help me through, where as before i was alone. Thank you for sharing you're story (part of) and i am grateful to have met you.