UNREQUITED LOVE

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I am in the midst of a crowd, feeling the humid air circulating the surroundings while enjoying watching the theater play at our university, when suddenly I see a storm coming my way.

"Pst! Pst! Oli, I have something to ask you." A whisper was coming from a guy behind me. "Hey! Please listen to me. This is urgent."

"Can you just please stop bothering me for a while? Can't you see that I'm enjoying watching here? Argh! What a life!" Everyone was looking at me, which made me realize that my voice was too loud.

"Ok, I'm sorry for bothering you." He said it in a low tone while pouting and looking at the ground. Oh, come on! How on earth is he this cute and handsome at the same time?

"FINE! What is it now, Zay?" I said. "You really know what my weakness is, huh?" I mumbled.

"Huh? Can you say it again?" Zay asked with his wide smile.

"Nothing. I said what you wanted from me this time. Just say it! Tsk! Such a waste of time." I said to him irritated. Who wouldn't be irritated if you were disturbed in the middle of enjoying watching the play? Whatever.

"There's a girl in your club that I really want. Can you help me be close to her? The girl who just joined your club a few hours ago." Zay stated.

"M-Madison? B-but–" I was trying to explain when he suddenly cut me off.

"Please! Please! I'll treat you to dinner later and come over to your place to keep you company; just help me with this. Please!"

"When will are you gonna stop changing your girls? You just got out of a breakup, and you immediately found someone else?" I said to him, who in turn changed the look of his face.

"Oh, come on! Just tell me if you don't want to help me; you don't need to lecture me for such a long litany." He immediately walked away from me as soon as he said those words.

"FINE! I'll help you." He ran closer to me and then hugged me tightly. Here I am again, doing a favor for a best friend that will only hurt me. He should be thankful; he is my friend. —But is it really just a friend?

I will once again help him pursue the woman he wants and help arrange plans, dates, and gifts for the women he is flirting with while I, this, continue to be hurt and left in tears because of him. He endlessly asks me for favors for the girls he likes. I'm a fool, I keep helping him even though it hurts. Do you really think of me as just a friend, Zay? Oh right! Who straight guy would have feelings for someone like me who's also a guy?

—

Madison and Zay became together in no time and also broke up in a short span of time.

Zay's life is always like that. He will date someone and ignore me. Pretending that he doesn't see or know me at all and when he and someone broke up, he will run to me asking for favor again. And that favor will always be about his girls.

It just hurts everytime he's doing that but since I'm a martyr, I'm willing to help him for everything even if the substitute for all this is suffering as if in a hell.

—

"It's been a while since we go out together. Wanna go for a walk with me?" I could feel his breath with every word he uttered while he had his arms around me and his lips were close to my ear.

"Just get into the point, Zay." I pushed him

"Hey! Nothing. I missed you, that's all." He said and gave me a back hug. Doesn't he really need something? If this is just a dream, please don't wake me up. Time would have slowed down every moment he treated me like this.

"I'm not gonna wait for your answer anymore. Let's go. " He pulled me. "You said you want to eat samgyup with me last time, right?" He smiled at me as if he hadn't pushed me away when he was with Madison.

"A-are you sure you don't need anything?" I asked out of confusion.

"Of course. Let's just enjoy the moment being together. Don't you miss me, huh? Huh?" He teases me.

"Who wouldn't have miss you? I badly want to talk to you but you just keep on ignoring me." I whispered.

"I can't hear you. Whatever! Let's just eat." Sometimes, I wonder if I'm really his best friend or just a tool he can use for his own benefit and throw away when he doesn't need me anymore. Just thinking about that really hurts, and what's more, he always lets me feel that way.

After we ate, we went around first, and then he asked me to watch the movie in the cinema together.

"I need to go to the restroom, Oli. I'll be back." Zay said as he stood up and walked.

"The movie hasn't even started yet, Zay." I replied.

"I really need to use the restroom right now. I can't take it anymore." He uttered.

"Fine! just make it faster, okay?" As soon as I gave him a signal, he hurriedly walked out of the cinema.

It feels good when he does to me what he does to the girls he's with. I thought I would always see him doing that to others and never experience it. This is the happiest day of my life, and I don't want it to end.

The movie we were watching was over and he still hasn't come back. I tried to look for him but I couldn't find him.

"Hey! Zay, where are you? Why didn't you come back?" I called him in the phone.

"Sorry, something happened. I'm already at home."

"H-how about me? I didn't bring my ca–"
It's time to wake up from my dream. I got dumped by him again. This is not the first time he has done this to me. He's always dumped me for a girl, but I guess this time it wasn't about a girl. How I wish it really wasn't.

—

"Oh! Sorry! Sorry, I didn't see you." Someone says.

"No, it's ok. Don't be sorry." I replied.

"Sorry! Here are your books. By the way, I'm Win, and you?" He asked.

"I'm–" I was about to reach for Win's hand and introduce myself when Zay suddenly grabbed my hands.

"I'm Zay. Let's have lunch later, Oli. My treat." He said.

"What the heck, Zay?"

"It's early in the morning and then your temper is–" He immediately let go of holding my hand when someone suddenly called him.

"Zay! Oh! Do you know him?" The girl asked.

"Rachel, it's you. No, I didn't know him." He ran up to the woman and said, "What do you want to eat this afternoon? I'll treat you."

I stopped in my tracks. It was like pouring cold water on me when he denied that I was his best friend to only one girl? My bad. She's not just a girl, she's the person loved by the person I love.

It's painful, very painful. I know he can't reciprocate the feelings I gave him, and that's when it hurts, and now he'll say we don't know each other?

"Shh! Don't cry, okay? I'll be the one who treats you to lunch, ok?" Win came to me and slowly wiped the tears that started to fall from my eyes.

—

All my time that used to be focused only on Zay is now all on Win. Every time Zay came close to me, I moved away from him. I know it's hard and painful because, apart from being my best friend, I still haven't really lost my feelings for him.

Even though Win is with me, Zay is still on my mind, but I'm so thankful to Win that he doesn't let me get hurt or feel that I'm alone. He is always by my side.

—

"Why are you ignoring me?"
"I've been messaging and calling you, but you never answer."
"I'm trying to talk to you, but you have always avoided me. What is your problem?"

Zay said to me one after another while holding my hand, but I didn't say anything else; only tears came out of my eyes, and I didn't say a word.

"Why are you crying? Don't just cry there, Oli. Tell me what your problem is." He said which hurt my feelings even more.

"My problem? You are my problem, Zay."
"You just played with my feelings."
"I know everything, Zay."
I said one after another while still crying.

"What are you talking about, Oli? I don't understand you." He said softly.

"I heard everything. I followed you when you go to the restroom last night and guess what? You didn't go there. You went to your friends with your girl." I still continue to cry. I felt as if I had been stabbed repeatedly in my chest.

"You know about–"

"Yes, Zay. Everything. I know about the bet with your friends. You tricked me! You played with my feelings. Didn't you and your friends make a bet that you would treat me like you liked me and loved me until I confessed?"

"Listen to me first, Oli." Zay interjected in my speech

"Oh come on, Zay! You don't need to lie. I know everything."
"I thought you are my best friend? Why did you do this to me? Well, I'm the one whose wrong in this. I love you more than just a best friend. I love everything about you. I love you so much to the point that I'm willing to do everything for you. I'm willing to bare everything even if it's killing me inside-out."

"O-oli–"

"It hurts when you ignore me, when you deny me to someone else, when you make me look like you only think of me as a friend. You don't have to show me all this, Zay. I know that you can't reciprocate the love I have for you, but why do you have to do everything like this to me?"

I couldn't stop my tears from falling continuously. My hands hit his chest but stopped immediately because I couldn't hurt him; I couldn't be angry with him despite everything he did and how he retaliated against me.

"Oli, I'm really sorry. I didn't know that this is how you feel. I didn't know that I hurt you. Forgive me, Oli. I'm really sorry." I can also see the tears falling from his eyes.

"No, Zay. There's nothing to be sorry for. It's all my fault. If only I could love you just as a friend, nothing like this would happen. I hope you're not mad at me because you didn't get what you wanted. Because yes, your friends are right. I love you more than just as a friend. I'm sorry if you lost because of me. And I'm sorry if I got in the way of your relationships. From now on, I will stay away so that I don't add to your problems."

My last words before I completely walked away from him. left in tears, wounded, and not knowing where to start again.

"O-Oli, I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!" He held my hand but I struggled and just kept walking.

"OLI! PLEASE COME BACK! I'M REALLY SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME." Zay tried to chase me but Win stopped him.

"Leave him alone for now. You have caused him too much pain; please don't add to it." Win said that maid Zay cry even more.

"I love you too much. I did everything for you, even in exchange for this being my life. But at least, let me continue loving you from afar."

The war is over; let me enjoy the freedom from the shackles of the past.

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