I was once told not to hold onto someone's promises. It's a lesson that people, especially the adults around me, have incessantly reminded me of - that promises are meant to be broken.
I am an unwanted child, and this painful reality has etched its mark on my heart. I can't help but believe that no one in this vast world truly loves or cares for me. They put on a facade, pretending that I am important to them, but deep down, I can't escape the feeling that once they obtain what they desire, they will abandon me, leaving me in tears and with nothing.
"E-eli don't cry. Remember that I will be by your side no matter what happens." A man in front of me said while here I am struggling to face my nightmare.
"Y-you are no d-different from them. I-i cannot help b-but anticipate that, in time, y-you will f-forget about me, just as you h-have already forgotten t-the promise y-you made." I replied while trembling, trying to catch my breath.
"I know the world has been unkind to you," he said softly, "but I want to be the one who proves that promises don't have to fade away."
He pulled me softly, caressed my head, and hugged me.
He's Ethan, my only one, my best friend, my love, my boyfriend, my family, my everything. When the world turns cruel, he's my guiding light, breathing life into my flickering candle. He's been by my side since childhood, never abandoning me, but even he couldn't shield me from the darkness that consumed my life.
Abandoned by my parents, rejection scarred my heart. Toxic love shattered my trust, leaving me questioning my worth. Betrayed and broken, I pushed away potential connections, fearing more hurt. The darkness of trauma consumed me, leaving me questioning if genuine love existed, and doubting if anyone would ever truly care.
"Hey! Thank you for helping me with my research paper. It means a lot to me." I said and gave him a big smile.
"If it's you, then I'm willing to do everything. Always remember that I'm here, okay?" He said. "Let's eat to our favorite restaurant, my treat." Ethan added.
In the tapestry of my life, he's the vibrant thread weaving moments of joy and solace. His eyes, like twinkling stars, hold the promise of unwavering protection, until my worst nightmare unfolded.
"Ethan, can you please walk me in to my house. It's late at night. I'm kinda scared." I said softly.
"What the hell, Eli? Your house is near here. Do you see that I'm busy right now?" He shouted while pointing his finger to me.
"A-ah y-you know t-that there are many guys o-outside and I-im scared." I said, looking directly to his eyes.
"Ah whatever, just leave my room. Don't let me see your face anymore." He shouted
I hurriedly pack my things to leave his house as soon as possible because I don't anymore what else he can do to me.
"What happened to him? Didn't he promise that he will always be by my side? Maybe he's just tired." I mumbled.
"What are you waiting for? Just leave me alone!" he shouted once again. He pushed me away and slammed the door.
For months, I've watched him change right before my eyes, but I clung to hope, believing that he would never forget the promise he made to me. But as the days turned into weeks and then into agonizing months, the Ethan I once knew seemed to slip away, leaving behind a cold, heartless shell of a person.
"Hi, Ethan! I brought you some food. Aunt told me that you haven't eaten since yesterday." I said and walked towards his direction and gave him the food.
I didn't see the piece of wood that was sticking out, which made me slip and the water fell on his table.
"WHAT THE HELL, ELI? LOOK WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" I immediately got a tissue and wiped it for him, then I arranged his things.
"S-sorry, Ethan. I-i didn't m—" He didn't let me finish what I was going to say. He pushed me away from his room and threw the food that I gave him.
"GET THE HELL OUT! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE ANYMORE!"
"B-but Ethan, I b-brought you food to eat. It's a waste, why did you throw it away?" I said, while catching my breath.
"I don't care. Just leave me alone. Gosh, you're so annoying. Since you came into my life, it's been ruined, irritating," he punched his door, which startled me.
Without my awareness, tears slowly trickled down my cheeks.
"Y-you said you'd n-never leave me and y-you wouldn't i-imitate others who hurt me. W-where is the E-ethan I used to know?" I continued to say, accompanied by the streaming of my tears.
"That was before, Eli. That was before!" He said in a cold tone.
I slowly rose from the floor and approached him. I continued to cry as he looked at me.
"You're no different from them. I thought you were a man of your word, but you're just like them! You said you would never hurt me, but what are you doing right now? You keep on hurting me, Ethan! What happened? What's the problem?" I said, while pounding my chest. He remained silent, standing in his place, allowing me to hurt him.
"You. You are the problem, Eli. You always want everything to revolve around you, my time, everything."
"I, too, get tired, Eli. I'm so exhausted. Exhausted from understanding you and constantly worrying that something bad might happen to you when I'm not by your side! I'm tired of dealing with your problems and pains that I didn't cause. It's draining to always try to comprehend you, Eli. I gave my all, but it wasn't enough, and I'm worn out. It's difficult for me to understand you and give you everything you want, no wonder why people around you leave you." He said it one after another, each word piercing my heart repeatedly.
"So, you're tired, but why didn't you tell me? Is that why you just let me be? Is that why you hurt me and seek revenge? Damn it, Ethan! I could understand if you did, but you didn't have to make me feel this pain and bring back what happened to me before. You know how difficult it was for me to go through all of that, but why is this happening?" I continued to cry, until I couldn't feel my body anymore, my knees weakened, and I fell to the ground.
I just bowed my head to the floor, quietly crying. Damn it, it hurts so much. I thought you would help me rise again, but you're becoming the reason for my further downfall in life.
As the tears flowed uncontrollably and the weight of their emotions hung heavily in the air, the room fell into a profound silence. Both Eli and Ethan were caught in a whirlwind of fading promises, hurt, and unspoken regrets.
In that moment, they realized the depth of the wounds they had inflicted on each other, and how their once vibrant love had crumbled under the weight of unmet expectations and misunderstandings. It was a painful realization, yet they couldn't find the right words to bridge the gap that had grown between them.
As the minutes passed, Eli's sobs began to soften, and Ethan's cold facade slowly crumbled, revealing the vulnerability he had shielded for so long. They stood there, side by side, but emotionally distant.
Finally, Eli mustered the strength to speak softly, "I don't know if we can ever mend what's broken, Ethan. It hurts too much."
Ethan looked at Eli, his eyes filled with remorse and longing, "I never wanted to hurt you, Eli. I just didn't know how to handle my own pain."
The room filled with a mix of love and sorrow, as they both realized that love alone couldn't heal all wounds. Sometimes, it takes courage to let go, to heal separately, and to find their own paths towards happiness.
"Is there someone new, Ethan? Am I no longer the one you love? Or did you never love me in the first place?" Eli asked, one question after another. You could literally see Ethan's tears falling slowly.
"There's no one new, Eli. I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying to build you up while I'm slowly crumbling like a fragile glass. I loved you, Eli. I loved you so much. But I don't think I can go on with you anymore" He replied in a hushed tone.
With heavy hearts, they both acknowledged the need for space and time apart. Though it was painful, it was a step they knew we had to take.
"E-Ethan, I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry if I shattered you because of me, because of my past, and everything. You're right, maybe no one stays with me because I am the problem myself. Please forgive me." She said while continuing to sob.
I didn't wait for him to say anything. I immediately stood up from the floor and ran outside of his house. I felt like a crazy person running on the street, accompanied by the pouring rain. The rain was my only companion as I cried that night.
As they walked away from each other, the echoes of their fading promises resonated in their minds. They knew that this chapter of their lives had come to an end, but the memories of what they once had would forever linger in their hearts.
And so, they moved forward, each on their own journey of healing, hoping that one day, they would find peace and closure. The scars may remain, but they would carry the lessons of their love and the strength to face life's challenges with newfound wisdom.
In the end, they will always cherish the love we once shared, even if it is just a memory of a time when promises were made, emotions ran deep, and their hearts were intertwined.
A lone warrior in her battle, fighting for the freedom of her incarcerated soul and emotions. Magandang araw! The author's name is Calypso and she is currently in 11th grade. She's a STEM student and an architect wannabe. She lives in Bacoor City, Philippines and is a proud Filipino. She enjoys a variety of activities, but her favorite pastimes include writing, playing online games, and listening to music, especially the music of her favorite K-pop band.
Calypso is a 16-year-old girl, uses her writing as a way to express herself and her feelings and to go into the depths of her heart. A small thread connecting her mind and heart agreed to take the path of writing which helps her make sense of the world by exploring her own written ones. Typically, this user creates short stories about love, tragedies, retaliation, odd occurrences, pasts, and wonders.
Photos from this blog are taken from @primiily on Instagram.